Episode 170

It was Ire Hazlen approaching me, a hefty textbook tucked under her arm. The weary look in her dark eyes suggested she had just finished a general physics lecture.

“Why on earth are we moving at such a breakneck pace from the OT…”

Ire was muttering.

This was unprecedented - Ire had never chosen the science and engineering track in any previous iteration. In most timelines, she hadn’t even enrolled at Stellarium. When she did, it was usually in the military or language departments.

This must be her first time. I knew I had to help her.

“It’s challenging even though I reviewed it in advance. The level here is so high, and the other students are intimidating.”

“It’s always like that at first. It gets better as you keep studying.”

Encouraging the protagonist was part of my role, after all. Unlike Merlin, Ire’s spirit lifted with just a few words of encouragement. Her fundamental resilience showed through.

“Shall we take a walk to clear our heads?”

“…Yes, let’s do that.”

We strolled leisurely across campus, taking in the peaceful atmosphere.

“It’s so peaceful.”

“Indeed.”

The ambient sounds surrounded us: students laughing and chatting on benches, children playing on campus grounds, water flowing from fountains, trees rustling in the wind, and birds singing in chorus.

I wished these peaceful moments could last forever. But only Ire and I knew the truth - that time was running out before the B-34 Quasar explosion would attract numerous Outer Gods.

“Have to…”

“Yes?”

She maintained a precise distance of three to four steps from me, like someone with an obsessive nature. Her careful steps betrayed her nervous tension.

“…Must protect.”

“Yes.”

Even without using Pron, I felt I understood exactly what she was thinking.

“I have a question.”

“Go ahead.”

“It’s nothing major, just something about the coursework. I reviewed the concept again but couldn’t understand it…”

Ire opened her textbook to show me.

“Is this from today’s lecture?”

“Yes.”

My goodness, the professor is covering material quite rigorously this year. I hadn’t expected them to progress this far already.

“Why didn’t you ask the professor directly?”

“Well… it feels a bit awkward.”

“I understand.”

Of course - it’s her first time, and professors can be intimidating, especially for someone like Ire, who hasn’t focused on academics for a while.

“You could ask classmates sitting nearby. Physics majors are usually enthusiastic about the subject. They’d likely explain it kindly.”

“That’s difficult too. It feels uncomfortable.”

“Why’s that?”

“When I looked around, I realized I’m the only woman in class.”

Everyone else… men?

Does that mean excluding Ire, the gender ratio is literally 1:0?

“There are no other female students?”

Ire quietly nodded.

It’s rather perplexing, in a way.

“It’s just… how should I put it? Being the only woman, I feel like I get odd looks. Though I know I’m probably imagining it. But still…”

She sighed deeply.

“I shouldn’t think like that…”

“Try not to be too conscious of it.”

I deliberately maintained some distance, sensing her psychological discomfort. But something strange happened - whenever I stepped back, Ire stepped forward, as if maintaining a specific gap between us.

What’s this about?

“There are several female professors in the department. Perhaps you could seek their advice or send questions online?”

“It’s too early for that. I’d probably get scolded for not understanding something so basic.”

“I told you it’s fine.”

“This time, I’d prefer to ask you.”

“Alright then…”

I glanced around, noticing we’d arrived at the campus café.

We naturally walked in. I ordered two coffees - a university student essential.

“Shall we take that table?”

“This spot is perfect.”

Ire sat at a reasonably spacious table. There was about a 2-3 step gap between us. That’s when I formed a hypothesis:

Ire Hazlen wants to maintain a calculated distance from me.

“Here. I don’t understand this part.”

Ire carefully turned the book around. Several concepts were marked with asterisks. For a freshman, it was quite advanced material.

Physics in the future had become more complex than it was on Earth. The subject matter was more extensive, and the problems were more challenging.

However, from my perspective as a major, explaining and solving these problems wasn’t particularly difficult. I calmly used analogies to help Ire understand.

When I finished explaining, Ire let out a soft sigh.

“Why?”

“I just… I wonder why I couldn’t think of it that way…”

“You’ve been studying for less than a year. I wasn’t always this good at explaining things either.”

Ire nodded reluctantly.

“You’re really not the Aidel I used to know.”

“What made you say that?”

“Just… it’s reassuring.”

That word - “just.” I’d noticed Ire had a habit of using it frequently, always followed by a sigh. It was a side of her I hadn’t known from merely reading the novel.

Ire continued.

“I feel relieved, but also anxious. The future has changed, and this is unfamiliar territory. What if this path also leads to destruction? What if I die and can’t come back?”

“…”

“That’s what terrifies me. I still don’t know our enemy’s true strength or how to defeat them. I’ve been struggling constantly, and this time, you barely managed to save me. That’s where I stand right now.”

“Well, that’s understandable.”

My casual response made Ire’s eyes widen slightly.

“…Sorry. Am I complaining too much?”

“No, your anxiety is perfectly reasonable.”

I stirred my coffee as I continued.

“Even when you’re determined to win, it’s natural to feel anxious. It’s human instinct. Our ancestors learned to be cautious of unknown threats, and that genetic programming persists today.”

After all, those who weren’t cautious didn’t survive to pass on their genes.

“So don’t blame yourself for feeling anxious, Ire - I mean, Junior. It’s not just about the Outer Gods. The field of physics itself presents a challenging career path compared to other disciplines.”

I could relate. When I decided to pursue theoretical physics, my family and friends tried to discourage me due to the uncertain future prospects. Like any human, I, too, felt nervous about my choice back then.

“Shall I share my story?”

“…Your story?”

Until now, I had rarely shared details of my personal life with her.

All she knew was that I came from a different world than hers and that I had an interest in physics. Nothing more.

“Yes. I lived a difficult life in that other world. Just as you struggled in the borderlands, I, too, grew up in harsh circumstances.”

While I knew Ire well, she didn’t yet know me.

That’s precisely why.

This time, I decided I would open up and share a piece of my life with her.

The boy grew up in poverty.

Whenever it rained, water dripped from the ceiling of their semi-basement apartment. Mold spread across the ceiling, giving it a yellowish tinge, and five or six dead insects were always stuck in the seal of their low-grade refrigerator.

“Poverty bred misery. My parents didn’t get along. Kitchen utensils would fly through the air during their fights. When plates broke, it was my job to sweep up the pieces and throw them away.”

Ire could relate.

People living on frontier planets were often driven to violence by madness. Her parents were no exception.

Too poor to afford even a first-generation android, she had to repair broken windows and clean accumulated sand from the window frames by hand. Over and over again.

“Why were they like that?”

“Simple. We had no money.”

The direct cause was his father’s alcoholism. But the root cause was financial. Without money, his father turned to loan sharks and gambling, which inevitably sank the family deeper.

“Money. It’s important.”

“…Yes.”

Ire moistened her lips bitterly. The boy continued.

“Eventually, father crossed the line. He even took mother’s secret emergency savings for roulette. We went bankrupt. When I became like this, I felt absolutely terrible.”

“So what happened next?”

“Well, here’s where things get a bit deflating.”

His father soon disappeared without a trace. As a result, loan sharks constantly harassed his mother, who didn’t know how to handle the situation properly.

“Bankruptcy! She could have filed for bankruptcy!”

“Mother didn’t know about that at first.”

“But why…”

“If she had known about such things from the start, would she have taken those loans?”

“…Right. That’s true.”

Ire could understand. While personal bankruptcy programs existed, many people couldn’t utilize them simply because they didn’t know about them. People caught in legal blind spots - she had been one of them.

“Feeling hopeless, I went to my teacher.”

The boy continued.

“I asked, ‘Teacher, how can I avoid living in poverty?’ The teacher replied with two points: First, excel in studies; any field will do. Second, do what you want to do.”

“Studies…”

“If I wanted to become an idol, then practicing dance would be studying too. But back then, I thought only Korean and math counted as real studying. So I focused intensely on those.”

It was difficult at first. There were no immediate rewards, and the boy didn’t understand why he needed to study.

“I wondered if this would really help my life, so I did some research. Someone suggested reading general educational books instead of just textbooks, saying I might find something that suits me.”

That’s how he came across physics books.

“At first, it was just okay. I wondered what could be interesting about this. But I persevered, determined to digest every word.”

Then it became fascinating.

Each reading revealed something new - the first time was different from the second, and the tenth reading brought even more insights.

Mastering one book opened new paths.

The boy became immersed in other books, and gradually, a new perspective emerged.

“I decided my goal would be to understand the fundamentals of this world.”

Suddenly, boring science became interesting. Mathematics, whose purpose had been unclear, transformed into an essential subject. It was a miraculous change.

“I was poor. But I realized poverty wasn’t just about money - it was about not being happy. So I thought, even if I might lack money, I should do something that helps me realize my potential.”

“So theoretical physics… Weren’t you worried?”

“Of course I was. But I went all in, without looking back. I had crossed the Rubicon.”

Hey, this is it for me - there’s no other way.

“When you’re all in, what happens? Every nerve in your body screams: ‘If you don’t want to ruin your life, think until your brain hurts. If you don’t understand a concept, keep at it until you do. Treat your textbook like a lover.’”

“…”

“Yeah, I used to say goodnight to my electromagnetism textbook in college: ‘Sleep well, darling.’”

Ire felt an indescribable horror at that moment. The boy cleared his throat and returned to their original topic.

“What I want to tell you is this: ‘It becomes fun as you do it.’ So don’t get discouraged by small difficulties, don’t be anxious, and don’t think about giving up.”

He concluded with:

“We’ve both crossed the Rubicon now, and we’re in this together - life or death.”

It was a brief conversation.

But Ire learned a lot from it.

First, that anxiety was natural; second, that you had to push forward despite it.

And most importantly, the third thing:

She had come to understand the man before her better.

“…I see.”

Ire nodded while putting away her textbook.

While happy families might all be alike, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. Still, the common thread of misfortune made his story one she could relate to.

She felt satisfied that she could understand him better now.

“Well, shall we head to the lab?”

“…?”