Chapter 55

TL/N Clara’s POV

The process of creating characters using the device called a “personal computer” was delightful. I haven’t the slightest inkling of the mechanics behind how it functions, but I was able to grasp the method of forming letters and moving the object called a “mouse” through pure intuition.

According to Kota, it is called a “Graphical User Interface.” Because the system generates a reaction simply by selecting buttons or images on the screen, even a complete novice can operate it with relative ease.

I decided to try typing the characters we had finished. He had written the Saxens alphabet on paper “stickers” and affixed them to the keyboard, but since I hadn’t memorized which letter lived where, it was a difficult task.

As a test, I typed out our names.

Clara Ansbach

Kota Hinoharu

I had to try my hardest to keep a grin from spreading across my face as I stared at the letters I had so painstakingly entered. Am I a fool? To think that merely seeing our two names side-by-side on a screen could make me feel this happy.

“You can erase the letters by pressing Backspace,” Kota said.

Ah—wait, don’t erase them yet. I wanted to linger in this feeling for just a moment longer.

“Go ahead, Clara-sama, you try. Please excuse me for a second.”

With that, Kota stood up and began to stretch. He had been sitting for quite a while, so his entire body must have been stiff. It is ironic that he can soothe the tension in others yet cannot massage himself.

The two names remained on the screen.

Backspace, was it…? Suddenly, a childish, mischievous thought occurred to me.

Clara Hinoharu

An idle dream made of pixels. A string of text that would vanish with a few more taps of the Backspace key. How can a collection of symbols, numbering fewer than ten, wring a person’s heart so tightly?

Kota finished his stretching and returned, so I hurriedly erased every single letter. Though the “incantation” on the screen was canceled, my heart remained trapped within a spell of happiness—one that carried a sweet, aching pain.

“Good work. Let me fix us something to drink.”

“Yes… my shoulders are quite stiff.”

I rolled my neck, trying to mask my internal agitation. The part of me that felt constricted wasn’t my shoulders, but the inside of my chest.

“If you’d like, I could give you a massage?”

“Ugh—”

How can Kota offer that so casually!? If you touch me, you will take my feelings to a point from which there is no turning back.

Is Kota prepared to become a man of Saxens? To abandon his motherland, become a noble of this country, and walk through life by my side?

And what of me? How happy I would be if I could cast aside my title and depart with Kota for a foreign land. Yet, I cannot believe it right to abandon my people and the homeland of the Gilliels just so that I alone may find happiness.

And yet… if Kota were to love me, I feel I could discard my remaining conscience as easily as tossing a dry twig into a hearth. That is precisely why I feel such terror at our current situation.

“Kota… are you okay with it?”

Do you not feel the same surge of emotion, the same joy that I do?

“With what, exactly?”

I am well aware that I lack the typical charms of a woman. But I am a woman.

“Does touching my body… that is… do you feel nothing at all?”

I wanted to know his heart.

“Y-yes. I misspoke. That was quite presumptuous of me; please forgive me.”

“It is not that. I did not mean it like that…”

I felt as though I had committed to a strike with all my might, only to have him effortlessly parry the blade aside.

I am being far too impatient…

“I’ll make some hot lemonade.”

I need to calm down. Tonight, it seems I am losing the ability to suppress my own emotions. If I push any further into Kota’s heart and he decides to leave, what then? I was seized by an uncharacteristic fear, imagining a scenario where Kota no longer answers my call and can never be summoned again.

I should just drink this and go to sleep. By dawn, our relationship should return to its usual state.

Yet, contrary to my thoughts, the night only deepened, and my fumbling hands continued to touch the shadows of Kota’s heart. Was this the guidance of the God of Destiny, or merely a cruel prank?

The woman on the screen smiled gently. So, this was the woman who was Kota’s wife.

“Who is this person?” I asked, though I already knew.

“That is my ex-wife. We’re separated.”

The answer was exactly as I expected.

“She is a beautiful person…”

The truth of it made my chest ache. The domestic warmth radiating from this woman is something I do not possess. And then, my mind stalled, and I unconsciously blurted out a terrible question.

“Do you… still love her?”

I regretted it the moment it left my lips. What a thing to ask a man who has only recently separated. It was like twisting a knife in an open wound.

“I don’t think I love her anymore. However, not enough time has passed for the fact that I did love her to fade away.”

I could say nothing to Kota’s response.

“Here, have your hot lemonade. Please drink it before it gets cold.”

As I took the mug, Kota used his hand to clear the photo from the screen. But the pain in my chest lingered, prickling like a thorn left behind. I hated this feeling. It would be easier if I were simply cut down. If staying in this state was going to be this painful…

I set the mug down, careful not to let him see my hands trembling.

“Would you give me a massage? …It is a bit… difficult right now.”

I couldn’t endure it any longer. I resolved to entrust myself to Kota.

When Kota’s hands first touched my shoulders, they were hesitant. So, I placed my hand over his. My emotions cannot be stopped anyway. If that is the case, I wanted his hands to take me to a place beyond recovery. My hand over his was a declaration of my resolve: I will be your accomplice.

“I’m starting.”

As pressure was applied through his fingers, I let out a sigh of pleasure. His kindness seemed to seep through his fingertips, melting the tension in my body. Akito was always begging for a massage, and now I finally understood why. This is truly wonderful.

It was my first time being touched by a man for so long, and while it was embarrassing, the sensation possessed a charm that made me forget my shame. Just as I was thinking that, the quality of the massage suddenly shifted.

It was as if he was kneading a layer deeper; a surge of pleasure began to unravel my very soul. Before long, my bashfulness thinned and vanished, melting away like thin ice under the morning sun.

But Kota’s massage did not stop there. This time, my mind began to feel light and airy, and I was enveloped in a sense of supreme euphoria. Without realizing it, I found myself whispering:

“Kota, I love you. If you wish it, I have no need for my title. I would never regret wandering foreign lands with you. So, please, stay by my side…”

Enveloped in a peace and happiness that felt like the air of the heavens, I fell asleep just like that.

When I woke up, I was in my own bed. No one else was in the room, but I instinctively pulled the blankets over me as if to protect myself. Recalling the events of last night, my heart began to hammer against my ribs.

“I’ve done it now…”

It wasn’t a dream. My mind and body remembered the sensation of Kota’s fingers far too vividly for it to be a mere dream.