Please, God (2)

After withdrawing money at the bank and quickly finishing the intended procedure, Noi walked hand in hand with Kardia through the capital.

“What will you do with that much?”

Seeing the sum Noi had withdrawn, Kardia nearly popped his eyes and asked timidly.

“Hm? Heh. Hehehe. It’s decided.”

Wearing a grin she didn’t bother to hide, Noi tugged Kardia along to the front of a boutique.

“A shopping spree!”

—And indeed, Noi bought Kardia as many clothes as she pleased, this and that and everything.

Beyond ready-to-wear items, she had him measured—not only the chest and arm length but even the thickness of his neck and the length of his fingers—and placed orders for custom tailoring.

Accounting for Kardia’s future growth, she placed seasonal orders in the necessary amounts—or rather, more than necessary—and paid with a beaming smile.

She instructed that everything be delivered to the house later. In the fitting room, the perfectly sized clothes made Kardia look so refined he could have passed for the son of a noble line.

“Good. Very good.”

Kardia wore a long white outer robe to the knees, tied with a golden sash. Over the sash, she added a decorative cord in the same red as his eyes for contrast. The glossy white cloth made his black hair all the more beautiful.

“So many…”

Seeing the mound of folded cloth piling like a hill on the counter, Kardia looked apologetic, and Noi drew her brows together.

“This is all money spent for my sake. I wanted to give you fine clothes, and I wanted to see you wearing splendid outfits every day. Therefore, what should the one being lavished with clothes do… you know, right?”

“…Wear what you bought me every day and entertain Master?”

“That’s it! Clever boy, Kardia!”

Clapping, over the moon, Noi made Kardia flush and give a shy, delighted chuckle.

When the small Kardia sat on the fountain’s rim, his feet didn’t reach the ground.

(Cute.)

Having finished today’s big event—“buying Kardia’s clothes”—Noi was wandering the capital and, for the third time today, sat Kardia on the fountain’s edge to enjoy a street snack.

Kardia ate little, so only a bit at a time, but he dutifully kept her company every time. Now he was nibbling on half a loaf they were sharing, with small bites.

The flatbread, thin and mixed with chopped nuts, was stacked in lavish piles at a stall. As they passed it, Kardia had given the faintest twitch.

(Good thing we were holding hands.)

Even when something caught his interest, he was too reserved with his master to ask. In his stead, his small hand spoke volumes.

Sensing Kardia’s unconscious reaction, Noi read his intent and stopped at the stall. Not because she was a glutton, of course.

When they finished the bread, they joined hands and started walking again.

Realizing that if he paused, Noi would buy anything, Kardia became very careful with his steps.

(It’s only magical tools he seems to want, toys, sweets, bedding, a painting or two.)

If Kardia desired it, she planned to buy it.

(And in any case, even if I keep my money, sooner or later—)

Just then, Kardia stopped.

(Oh!)

Noi turned to see what it was this time—only to find Kardia chalk-pale, staring at a single point.

There, at the end of his gaze, stood a church.

Children were in front with brooms. Some cleaned; some played; some scolded. An ordinary everyday scene.

Noi felt how fiercely his hand was squeezing hers and snapped to attention.

“There’s a church where I grew up.”

Kardia let go of Noi’s hand, yanked down the hood of his concealment-cloaked mantle, and turned sharply away from the church, breaking into a run.

“Ka—!”

She almost called his name, then clamped her mouth shut. A shout would draw attention. She lunged after him.

(This might be the first time in my life I’ve sprinted flat out.)

She had long since fallen into the habit of using magic for everything and, for all her faults, was still a young lady of a noble house. She had never even imagined shoving through a city crowd at a run.

Spraying sweat and snot and who-knows-what from her mouth as she ran, Noi’s legs quaked, but she managed to catch up.

Kardia was crouched beneath a great tree crowned with white blossoms. The relief at seeing that small back—indescribable.

“Kardia…”

Catching her breath somehow, Noi said his name. The instant her fingertips touched his back, Kardia jolted violently. Startled by the excessive reaction, she nearly pulled back—but instead pressed her hand more firmly.

(I call him a clever child…)

The smallness of his back only stood out more beneath her palm.

(Even if I call him remarkable—he’s still just six.)

He was too young to have to bear such pain. He ought to be allowed to cry, to wail, to sulk—yet here he was, only hugging his knees and enduring.

Pained and tender, Noi knelt in the dirt beside him.

Crouched, Kardia trembled at the lips and pressed his face deeper into his knees.

“…I hate this world.”

Barely a breath, a hoarse whisper.

His ten little fingers clenched his own arms so hard they blanched white.

“Master calls me human… but I’m already different from everyone after all.”

Seeing his former world carry on, ordinary as ever, must have sharpened how far he’d fallen away from it.

And that world—the one where he should have been able to remain—kept turning without him. Realizing that had to hurt.

Noi wrapped both arms around his shoulders and leaned close. His soft child’s skin pressed warm against her slender arms.

“Then…”

Kardia slowly lifted his face from his knees. His crimson eyes looked straight ahead, brimming with sorrowful tears.

“Then…! I wanted to be the same as you, Master…”

Noi sucked in a breath.

He spun toward her, eyes pleading. The dam burst, and he clung to her in a voice laid bare.

“I wanted to be the same—a mage!”

The cry hurt. His small body sounded as if it might rip apart; the agony in his voice squeezed Noi’s heart tight.

“You are a mage!”

Noi answered at full voice—so it would reach him no matter how far away his heart had drifted, so it would pierce him even if he was rejecting every word. Straight, with burning conviction.

“You are a fine mage! You twist such beautiful mana. There isn’t another six-year-old this amazing. You are a fine mage—because you are the apprentice of me, Noi, the kingdom’s greatest mage!”

Not the Demon King.

But—perhaps not human, either—

So he saw himself as neither one thing nor the other.

Maybe he believed becoming a mage’s apprentice was only a stopgap—that he had merely been deposited in a mage’s home, and until the Demon King was sealed, the mage would teach him on a whim. Maybe he was trapped in that sad thought.

(I’m a failure of a master.)

For all she’d said about master and apprentice.

A failure even as an elder. She hadn’t noticed his fear, his loneliness.

In her arms, Kardia breathed shallowly. His breath grew into the sound of stifled sobs.

Noi caught his small hand as it fidgeted to and fro and gripped it firmly. Kardia’s eyes widened in surprise; she squeezed tighter.

“Let’s do something fun, Kardia.”

His angelic face was wet with tears.

“Let’s eat every day, laugh every day, rejoice, and live together. It’s alright. You haven’t lost your future.”

A large tear rolled down his soft cheek and dripped from his chin.

“The world will love you someday.”

Holding back sobs, Kardia begged in a voice that sounded like he wanted with all his heart to believe.

“…Really?”

“Truly. Until that day, we’ll wait together—you and I.”

Kardia’s face crumpled.

And he cried while smiling.

Noi held her breath. It was too beautiful, too fragile, too heartrending a smile.

Showing his canine teeth, Kardia leapt into her arms. He’d put on some flesh, yet he was still so thin, so small, so fragile.

Noi hugged him back, tight.

(…Ah. Please, God.)

Her sinuses stung; she fought back tears.

(I’ll give anything I have.)

She blinked again and again.

(If you are there… please, please watch over this child.)

Holding Kardia’s small warmth as tightly as she could, Noi apologized in her heart for the day to come when she would have to leave him behind.