Dancing In Moonlight (4)

“Were you not lonely without me?”

He had not known he could be this timid.

Always, always, he feared Noi’s reaction.

Whatever he said, whatever she said, his heart moved.

(I want her to say she was lonely.)

Kardia hurt so badly it felt like he might be torn in two. He could not count how many times he’d thought of kicking down the door to Aidoni’s guest room, how many times he’d thought of inserting himself among the Royal Court Mages.

But if, while he felt like this, Noi had been smiling as usual—if she had turned that dandelion smile on someone other than Kardia—just imagining it made his legs tremble, and he could not bring himself to go to her.

No matter how fixedly he stared, Noi did not answer.

He wanted her to say “I was lonely” even one second sooner.

He even thought he might never again in his life burn with longing like this.

“—Kardia.”

She spoke his name in a breathy voice.

It was thin, a voice that might have vanished on the wind, and yet it was resolute.

Kardia bit down hard on his lip.

Fear and elation made his heart beat out of rhythm.

Noi, who had been facing sideways, turned toward him, her hair streaming in the autumn wind. As the lights drifted closer, they revealed tear-tracks on her cheeks.

The moon, hidden by the trees, slowly showed its face.

Bathed in moonlight, Noi smiled at the breathless Kardia—

Even as tears spilled—she smiled that same dandelion smile as always.

“Kardia! I love you!”

A strong wind burst across the lake.

Their hair and clothes whipped in the gust.

Leaves whispered in the trees; the dancing leaves skimmed the water’s surface.

In that instant, Kardia forgot to breathe.

By the time he drew breath again, the gust had passed.

He covered his mouth with his hand and slowly crouched.

His clothes pooled across the lake’s surface.

“Kardia!? What’s wrong!?”

Noi rushed to him in a panic.

Kardia hid his face with his hand and twisted his body as if to escape her gaze.

(…What is this?)

His face burned, wildly hot.

Right now, he felt he absolutely could not look straight at Noi’s face.

(…What is this?)

Kardia’s heart pounded so hard it hurt.

He did not know what impulse seized him.

He only wanted to hold Noi.

“Are you all right, Kardia?”

Noi hurried to him and offered a hand to help him up. Kardia flicked a glance at her and hesitated.

“…Ah. You don’t even want me to touch you?”

As if her being in love made her repulsive, she tried to pull her hand back—but Kardia caught it. Yet he rose to his feet entirely under his own power, without relying on her hand at all.

Standing, Kardia looked steadily down at Noi.

Noi, too, stared at her own hand.

(…I don’t want to let go.)

The hand she hadn’t held in so long tingled sweetly where their skin met. Happiness welled up and pushed outward as tears from deep in her chest.

(But I have to let go…)

Kardia would dislike it—so thinking, Noi began to slip her hand free, when Kardia’s fingers tightened around hers.

Startled, Noi went rigid.

(…What is that supposed to mean…?)

If he did that, she could not help but hope.

Even now she struggled not to hope at every single word he said.

Kardia’s words were gentle; they soothed her wounded heart.

And every time she tried to lean on him, to rely on him, the wound was gouged afresh—

Because the kindness he gave was love, but not romance.

But this was different.

(What in the world is he thinking—!)

She had told him:

That she loved him, that she wanted romance in return.

(If he’s toying with me, even I won’t forgive him!)

Face flushed with joy and anger, Noi glared up at Kardia.

—And there he was, eyes lit with heat like deep crimson, face blazing red as he looked down at her.

Noi, dumbfounded, felt her knees give way.

As she started to collapse from the knees, her legs touched the water. The spell was on her shoes, so anything else would slip through the lake’s surface.

“Noi!?”

Kardia yanked her arm on reflex before she could sink.

With one strong pull, he lifted her—and then gathered her up, as always, in one arm.

In the middle of the moonlit lake, Kardia held Noi in his arms.

Noi looked down at him and stroked his cheek with her thumb, his face gentle in the soft light.

“What’s with that face…?”

Noi murmured, dazed, but Kardia only knit his brows, as if he didn’t understand. Even in moonlight, his troubled face was visibly scarlet.

The corners of his eyes burned with heat.

The same heat as Noi’s.

“Do you love me?”

To this Kardia—who looked for all the world like a boy just learning what love was—Noi asked softly.

“W—No! That’s not it!”

Still stunned, Kardia denied it vehemently.

If he had said that with his usual face, Noi’s heart might have been crushed by sorrow.

But said with this face, it did not faze Noi at all.

“That’s not it—No. My feelings for you aren’t—aren’t anything that light.”

Kardia, who always seemed to have a margin of composure, stumbled over the words, speaking too fast. Noi asked gently:

“Light?”

“Romance is a passing thing, isn’t it? Others have told me they loved me before. But none of them lasted even ten years. After twenty, they hated even to touch on the subject. My feelings for you are nothing like that. They’ve lasted a hundred years. They can’t be ‘romance.’”

Twisting his face in deep pain, Kardia let it all out in one breath.

“And romance demands something in return. I… I don’t want to take anything from you, Noi.”

His voice carried a desperate ring.

(…Every time someone brought up romance—you felt like something was being taken from you.)

Noi slipped her arms around his neck. This man, who had lived many times longer than she, looked like a wounded boy.

Kardia flinched for an instant at her embrace, but he neither pushed her away nor set her down.

Peering at his frozen, bolt-upright face, Noi spoke plainly:

“—Kardia. Do you want to try a kiss?”