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When I returned home, Maachan was looking for me.
“Oh, there you are! Leopin-kun, where on earth did you go!? You never came back no matter how long I waited, so I ran all around here looking for you!?”
“Ah, I was just getting various tools ready. Are you already done over there?”
“Yep! Take a look! Ta-daah!”
In the field, there was a mountain-like pile of bundled wheatgrass.
“All right, then let’s load up this wheatgrass onto the cart—”“Got it!”
No sooner had she spoken than Maachan started to dash off at once, when a voice dripping with ridicule called out to her.
“Paaah~?”
Looking over, I saw a group of three walking from the direction of the forest entrance: a male student wearing a nobleman’s jacket, along with the principal and vice principal.
Maachan let out a voice mixed with surprise and disgust.
“Ah, Lord Pay Par!? Why are you here!?”
Then the male student called Payper thrust out a paper bag while turning his gaze toward me.
“Here, let me bestow this upon you. It’s wheat flour sold at the school store.”
When I ignored him, Payper’s attitude became even more unpleasant.
“Pay! I’m talking to you, trash over there. I’m saying I’ll specially bestow upon you the finest wheat flour, something a nobody like you could never taste even standing on your head. Why don’t you hurry up and come take it? Or are you such a paaah that you can’t even understand words?”
Even so, when I kept ignoring him, Payper came closer while muttering complaints.
He thrust the fist clutching the paper bag right up to the tip of my nose.
“With this, the deal is concluded. This one kilogram of wheat flour, sold at the school store for 10,000 Ender, will be exchanged for the wheatgrass here.”
Maachan looked appalled.
“Whaaat!? Please wait, Lord Pay Par! The wheatgrass here fills an entire field’s worth, you know!? And you want to trade all that for just one kilogram of wheat flour…!”
“Ah, Maachan, I know. You’re saying that the highest-quality wheat flour handled by our Grand Merchants’ Union and this low-quality wheatgrass grown by trash are completely unequal, aren’t you? I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t misunderstand, Pay is paying in advance here, including for the wheatgrass that will grow in this field from now on.”
“Eeeeeeeeeeh!?”
While listening to the exchange between Payper and Maachan as though it were someone else’s business, I casually tried using Appraisal on the contents of the paper bag in front of me.
“So which one is the low-quality one…? And selling something like this for 10,000 goes beyond a rip-off. It’s fraud…”
That had been just a mutter to myself, but Payper let out a sigh like he had finally made me understand.
“Paaah. Exactly. If an ordinary merchant tried distributing low-quality wheatgrass like the kind you made, they’d be called frauds, wouldn’t they? But in the hands of the Grand Merchants’ Union, even trash like this can be turned into gold. The method is a secret, but we have more power to create gold than even alchemists do.”
The guy suddenly raised his face and continued while looking up at the fence of my house beside the field.
On top of the fence, birds were lined up, resting their wings.
“Looook, just look. The birds have sniffed out the real gold in Pay’s hands and come flying here.”
Payper provocatively shook the paper bag he had thrust before my nose.
“Looook, looook, if you don’t hurry up and accept it, I’ll give this gold to those birds, you know? And then the deal will be over. Your last chance, you worthless tenant farmer trash, to be associated with a noble merchant like Pay will be gone, you know?”
“Do as you like. Those birds didn’t come here for your wheat flour. They came here aiming for my wheatgrass.”
With the hand that wasn’t holding the paper bag, Payper made a gesture like someone twirling a finger by his head.
“Paaah~? It seems you have even less intelligence than a bird. There’s no way any living creature would want to eat trash like that wheatgrass over the finest wheat flour I deal in.”
Then Kakerukun, who until then had been maintaining an eerie silence, cut in as if he had been waiting for this moment.
“Ta-daaah! Then let’s make it a game! The game will be ‘Which Wheat Game’! Right! Right! Payper-kun’s wheat flour versus Leopin-kun’s wheatgrass, a showdown to see which one can gather more birds! The loser will, hmm, let’s see…”
Kakerukun placed a hand on his chin and stuck out his tongue, making a pose like he was thinking.
He gave every sign of believing that looked extremely cute.
However, the only one smiling was the vice principal.
The vice principal pulled out a stack of cards from the inner pocket of his flashy glittering jacket.
“Principal, draw one of these ‘punishment game cards,’ desura.”
“Ah, that’s the way! Just what I’d expect from the vice principal! You’re my dependable dealer, aren’t you! Right! Right!”
The card the principal drew had “Slap” written on it.
A truly simple punishment game.
“The loser gets slapped by the winner! Ah, just so you know, this game is proper educational guidance officially approved by the Board of Education! Right! Right! Now then, game start!”
I hadn’t said I would do it or that I wouldn’t, but with a “Pay!” Payper threw down the paper bag.
It landed in a position opposite the mountain of harvested wheatgrass, and the contents spilled spectacularly all over the ground.
“Now then, birds! Today and today alone, you may eat your fill of the finest thing that only a chosen few humans are even allowed to taste! Devour it, consume it all! And teach this trash whose ‘Intelligence’ is only 1! That all living things are drawn to gold, and do not so much as glance at trash!”
As if taking that declaration as their signal, the birds on top of the fence took flight all at once.
…flap flap flap flap flap flap flaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap!!
Realizing they would not be scolded by humans even if they stole some food, they flew straight ahead with such force that feathers scattered everywhere.
Toward my mountain of wheatgrass…!
“Pa… paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!?!!?”
The birds of the forest did not so much as spare a glance for the “finest wheat flour.”
They had become a great flock, pecking at the mountain of wheatgrass.
I called out to them.
“Hey, hey, take it easy, all right?”
As the owner, I figured a little sharing couldn’t be helped.
But Payper looked as if he had practically gone mad.
“Payyyyyyーーーー!? That’s Pay’s wheatgrass! Pay!? Payy! Shoo! Get out of hereeeeeeeーーーー!!”
“When did it become your wheatgrass?”
Payper refused to listen and lunged at the mountain of wheatgrass with a shriek.
The moment he tried to drive the birds away, they counterattacked, and birds all over pecked at his entire body.
“Paaah!? Paaah!? Paaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhーーーーーーーーーー!? It hurts, it hurts, it hurts! It hurrrrrrtsーーーーーーーーーーーーーー!!”
Chased around by a tremendous number of birds, Payper fled in a panic.
At length, when he realized he couldn’t escape, he ran straight toward me.
“Pay, Payyyyyyーーーー! Birds! This time peck at him insteadーーーーーー!”
Aiming for the cheek of the guy charging at me, I hit him with a counter-slap.
Sspaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanーーーーーーーーーーーーー!!
His cheek was struck with a loud crack, and the birds all took flight at once.
“My paaaaaaaperーーーーーーーーーーーーーー!?!!?”
With that strange scream, Payper was blown away like a scrap of paper.
Sshaaah! He skidded across the ground and buried his head in the pile of wheat flour that he himself had thrown away.
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