Let’s Make Water

I looked over the animals while sitting before the campfire I made from the principal-and-vice-principal signboards.

“Even if the water has dried up, we finally found a river! If we move upstream from here, we’ll surely reach the source! And if we remove whatever is blocking the river, we’ll be able to get water! Just a little more— just a little more!”

The animals listened to my declaration.

Even if they didn’t understand the words, they seemed to grasp what I meant, and they all cried back at once— WAAH-GYAAH-PYAAH!

“Alright, then it’s about time we eat! Let’s celebrate early and go wild! In this river, we can catch all the fish we want!”

The carnivores shouted “Waaah!” and jumped down into the muddy riverbed, biting into the flopping fish.

I pulled out the fruits and nuts I’d gathered along the way and scattered them lavishly.

“Here you go! This side is all-you-can-eat too! Ahahahahaha!”

After all that restraint, even the herbivores were overjoyed.

Like people with banknotes raining from the sky, they were catching fruits and nuts in their mouths.

Mark brought me a big fish, holding it up proudly.

“Oh, Mosaan! That’s my absolute favorite! Thanks!”

I took the Mosaan and filleted it with the Great Knife of the Giant Boar.

I sliced it into rounds, skewered them on wooden sticks, and grilled them.

The skin charred, and sizzling fat dripped down.

I bit into the piping-hot Grilled Mosaan as if sinking my teeth into thick-cut ham.

After the crisp snap of the skin, a dense, satisfying chew followed.

The fat packed with the blessings of this river where Mosaan was born and the rich taste of the sea where it grew spread through my mouth— juicy and bursting.

I stuffed my cheeks full of nature’s two gifts.

“Th-this is sooo gooooooodーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーー!?”

It was just grilled fish, yet the deliciousness was unstoppable.

Maybe it was just my imagination, but from somewhere…

…Gulp…

I felt like I heard a throat swallowing.

“Ugh… that looks sooo goooooood!”

“So unfair, so unfair! I love Mosaan, too!”

“Me too! But since coming to this academy, I haven’t been able to eat it and I’ve been holding back forever!”

“And ever since the emergency declaration, we’ve been stuck eating the academy’s emergency rations…”

“Dry as dust and not tasty at all…”

“Why does only that trash get to eat something that good…!”

“Damn it! I’m so jealouuuuus!”

To be honest, I was a little dissatisfied.

But I didn’t say it out loud— I only muttered in my mind.

If I sprinkled salt on this, it would taste even better…

I did have salt Akemi gave me in my coat pocket.

But I couldn’t sprinkle it.

Because it would make me thirsty.

For a full week, I hadn’t had a single drop of anything that could be called water.

Thanks to my stats I could keep moving, but my throat was so dry it stung.

Still, I couldn’t show that weakness.

Because when I saw the “Too bad” signboards, I understood.

The principal and vice principal were watching me from somewhere…!

Otherwise, they wouldn’t have written “cry to the sky” on the sign.

That was why, right now, I was thoroughly enjoying the best meal.

Your little scheme won’t shake my happiness one bit.

I was going to make sure you saw that…!

After finishing the unusually lavish meal, the fawn and the baby boars came up to me and started licking my face.

“You’re thirsty, huh. Wait a moment.”

I pulled out my canteen, planning to give them the water I’d saved along the way…

But not a single drop remained.

“Muhahahaha! Everyone, look, yes indeed! The canteen is finally empty, yes indeed! Now we’ll finally get to see that trash cry and scream, yes indeeeed!”

I ignored that imagined voice and patted the little ones.

“Wait a bit— I’ll make you water right away.”

“Muhahahaha! He’s finally lost his mind, yes indeed! Making water is something only gods can do, and he’s saying it! If an unemployed nobody can do that, then I, the vice principal, will turn water into wine, yes indeeeed!”

I ignored that imagined voice and pulled a wooden cup from my coat pocket.

With the tip of my knife, I poked a small hole in the bottom of the cup.

Then I flipped the cup upside down and filled it with stones, gravel, and sand.

I packed it in layers so that the deeper it went, the coarser it became— like strata.

To finish, I took off my coat and tore off one sleeve of my dress shirt with a rip.

The balance felt wrong, so I tore the other sleeve too, turning it into short sleeves.

If I stuffed the torn sleeve into the very top of the cup…

I placed another wooden cup beneath the finished filter.

“Now all I have to do is put muddy sludge on top of the filter…”

“Muhahahaha! He’s finally started playing in the mud, yes indeed! Driven by despair, he’s regressed into a toddler, yes indeed! How pitiful a sight! Watching trash fall apart is fun! Truly fun, yes indeee— huh?”

The moment clear liquid began dripping from beneath the filter— drip, drip— I heard a rustling, tree-like imagined voice.

“W-wh… why!? How does filthy mud turn into water just by putting it into a cup filled with filthy dirt!?”

“And that water is so clean… it’s sparkling like a jewel…”

“It’s true… it’s like magic…”

“K-kie!? Kie! Kie! Kie! Kieeeeeeeeeーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーー!?”