Chapter 170

A fortnight ago.

On the day of the Archangel’s ambush, I went to bed feeling mildly annoyed.

Lying in the dark, I casually summoned the person responsible for relieving my stress.

‘Hey. I know you’re listening. Show yourself right this instant.’

“……”

‘Oh? So you’re going to play hard to get, huh? I still have a mountain of favors to collect from you lots. Do you want me to show you exactly what I can do with them?’

“……”

‘First, I’ll establish a literal empire over on the Northern Continent. Then, I’ll name the Lumina Church as the state religion and launch a massive campaign to completely rewrite the public image of the goddess Lumina.’

“……”

‘I’ll commission highly suggestive illustrations of Lumina under the guise of “Holy Portraits” and distribute them everywhere… making it legally mandatory for every household to hang one up. And why stop at illustrations? I’ll manufacture completely naked figurines and market them as sacred relics. I’ll even build life-sized statues of her in scandalous poses and erect them right at the entrance of every single cathedral.’

‘In fact, hosting a continent-wide competition with a massive cash prize sounds like an excellent idea. We can gather artists and sculptors from across the land under the theme of “Who can depict the goddess Lumina in her most pure (?) and beautiful form?” Then, if I hand out the top prizes exclusively to the entries that show the most skin… everyone will naturally practice drawing her that way from then on.’

‘Or maybe I should frame it as blasphemy if anyone dares to depict the goddess Lumina wearing even a single stitch of clothing? I can just claim they are insolently trying to conceal Lumina’s purity with worldly garments.’

‘I could mandate that before anyone prays, they absolutely must rub their cheeks against Lumina’s statues…’

‘And force everyone to lick the Holy Portrait of Lumina with their tongues before they are allowed to eat a meal…’

‘Then, I’ll cash in a portion of your debt to ask the other True Gods a small favor. I’ll have them hand down oracles explicitly stating things like, “Lumina originally walks around completely naked,” or “I live right next door to Lumina and I can confirm that is the absolute truth.”’

‘I can guarantee you that it’ll take less than five years for Lumina to be permanently associated with a succubus in the minds of the masses.’

‘Wow, the more I think about it, the more endless these ideas become.’

—Oh, for fuck’s sake.

‘Huh? I could have sworn I just heard someone say something…’

—I yield. I totally yield. Seriously, what kind of absolute lunatic acts like this?

‘Then you should have hopped out the moment I called you. Why did you bother hesitating in the first place?’

—Hey… am I some childhood friend from next door? For me to just run out the exact instant you call my name.

‘Wait… a childhood friend from next door is supposed to run out the instant you call them?’

—Huh? Is that not the case?

‘Ah, well… I’ve never actually had a friend from next door, let alone a childhood friend…’

—……

After resetting the suddenly awkward atmosphere with a few dry coughs, Lumina spoke to me.

—Anyway, please stop tormenting me. Strictly speaking, that debt wasn’t incurred by me personally, but by the entire Celestial Realm. It’s everyone’s collective debt. I just somehow ended up becoming your designated account manager. So why do you keep picking on only me?

‘Then act like a proper account manager and show up swiftly.’

—Wow, do you seriously want me to change your account manager? The Sun God and the War God have actually been showing a lot of lingering interest in you lately, continuously pestering me about it… should I genuinely hand you over to them?

‘What do those guys look like?’

—True to his name, the Sun God boasts a blindingly brilliant bald head…

‘Pass.’

—As for the War God, he’s a massive hunk of muscle whose biceps are literally the size of human heads… and he walks around holding actual conversations with each individual muscle because he named them all…

‘…Pass.’

—Ah, see? So if you want to keep seeing me as your manager, you’d better treat me right. Stop spending all your energy plotting how to torment me. Haven’t you ever heard the saying that you should treat someone well while they’re still around?

‘Hmm… I suppose I did go a bit overboard. My bad… wait, no, screw that! Where on earth did you learn to deflect accountability like that? What was up with that angel today? Why do I have to come all the way here just to square off against a literal Archangel? You never mentioned anything about this before!’

—Hehe, oops.

‘Cut the crap. Don’t think you can casually brush this under the rug by acting cute. Why did you hide this from me?’

—Sigh… I didn’t hide it from you. This is a situation that completely caught us off guard as well. Who could have possibly guessed that Equos and Morta would go completely off the rails like this?

‘Off the rails?’

—Yes, entirely off the rails. You already know, don’t you? We rarely intervene in the mortal realm to avoid influencing the trial. Under such restrictions, they not only sent down dozens of their subordinate angels but even allowed them to openly deploy physical force… that is the absolute definition of going off the rails. I honestly have no idea what those two are thinking.

‘Is that something you can just brush off with an “Oh dear”? If they went off the rails, they need to pay the price.’

—Ah, about that… it’s a bit complicated. If they had crossed the line even a fraction more, myself and the other gods could have directly descended to gang up on them… but they managed to stop just short of that line.

‘…What?’

—As you’ve probably heard by now… they strictly limited the rank of the angels they sent down to Archangels, and they made sure the total number didn’t exceed three digits.

‘And?’

—On top of that, those absolute bastards shifted the entire responsibility for this intervention onto the angels who descended. They completely washed their hands of the situation, claiming it wasn’t done under their explicit orders.

‘That’s just a blatant corporate loophole.’

—The angels under their banner who descended this time have a remaining lifespan of only forty-nine days.

‘What…?’

—They are all going to die. As the price for descending and wreaking havoc. Equos and Morta dumped their own karma (the cosmic weight of one’s actions) entirely onto those poor children.

‘……’

—In the end, since the price of that karma has technically been paid one way or another… we have absolutely no justification to lay a hand on those two.

‘Then… it’ll be impossible for you to send down angels to assist me the way Equos and Morta did.’

—Yes. We could technically do it if we wanted to… but then the angels we send down would have to sacrifice their lives as well.

‘Dammit…’

—So I’m counting on you to handle this well. You can do it, right?

‘…Son of a bitch. This is going to cost you heavily.’

Lumina let out a cheerful laugh.

—Charge it to my account as much as you like.

‘Hey, do you know what you look like right now?’

—What do you mean?

‘You have the exact same expression as people swiping their credit cards while muttering, “Next month’s me will take care of the bill.“’

—Whatever.

‘Forget it. Since you’re already here, do me a quick favor before you go.’

—A favor? What kind?

‘Bring me a smartphone from Earth. One with a functioning data connection. Splashing around in the water while chatting merrily with maids in bikinis is fun and all, but it gets old after a couple of times… it is terrifyingly boring around here.’

—Hmm… alright. Normally, I would have to deduct this from your favors… but since we’re going to end up relying on you quite heavily this time, I’ll provide this one as a special service.

‘Oh? Seriously? Then when can I expect to receive it?’

—Right now.

With a sweep of her hand, I felt something soft land with a thud right next to where I was lying with my eyes closed.

Groping around with my hand, I felt a nostalgic yet incredibly familiar outline.

‘A smartphone…’

—I got you the absolute latest model. The Phone-A from the Pineapple Company…

‘I’ve only used folding phones ever since the Fold came out. Go swap it for a Fold.’

—Why you little…

And back to the present, a fortnight later.

“We aren’t just going to play defense anymore. This time, let’s make the first move from our side.”

Chel, who had joined us over the past few days, wore a thoroughly bewildered expression at my declaration.

“Make the first move… Orabeoni. What on earth do you plan on doing? No matter how incredible you are, surely launching an outright war against the entire Western Continent in your current state is a bit impossible, isn’t it?”

“The Western Continent? Why would I start a war with the Western Continent? Is the Western Continent the entity we’re currently fighting? No, it isn’t. Our enemies are the specific bastards sending those airships our way, and taking it a step further, the ones instigating them to send those airships in the first place. Am I wrong?”

“Then…”

“Yeah. We’re going to hit them right where it hurts. Our targets are the palaces of the nations belonging to that ‘Scales and Scythe’ whatever coalition, alongside the temples of Equos and Morta scattered across the entire continent.”

This time, Kelly raised her hand.

“But angels are stationed at most of the major temples… isn’t that way too dangerous?”

“Angels? We won’t be running into any angels.”

“…Pardon?”

“Why on earth would we waste our energy wrestling with angels? We just need to destroy the temples.”

“I mean, exactly how are we supposed to do that?”

I let out a sly smirk as I answered.

“Originally, I was planning to move alone… but do you want to tag along and watch?”

If I had to pick the single most useful thing among the inheritance left behind by the dearly departed late Miss Disis, I would first and foremost name the gates connected to various locations throughout the Western Continent.

“I am not dead, you know.”

“You’re not dead?”

“Huh? Ah… technically, I did die once.”

“See?”

“…Stop making weird jokes and just go inside already.”

“Alright, alright. Don’t push.”

Passing through the gate with the group, we quietly emerged inside a place called the Lectus Kingdom. For context, the Lectus Kingdom was the largest nation among those belonging to the Union of the Scales and Scythe.

Red spoke up, his head glistening under the light.

“The temple is about seventeen kilometers away. I shall escort us via teleportation.”

Flash!

A brief moment later, having approached within roughly two kilometers of the temple, my group and I frowned as we looked at an Equilibrium Heaven angel lounging lazily on the temple roof and the people bustling about busily underneath.

I turned to look at Black.

“Did you not hand out the flyers?”

Black replied with a thoroughly aggrieved look on his face.

“I did hand them out. I explicitly told them to vacate the area because a bombing was scheduled shortly.”

“Then why on earth are they still acting like that?”

“Well, they probably think it’s just someone’s prank… or perhaps they are putting absolute faith in the angel over there.”

“Hmm… well, can’t be helped then. We have no choice but to issue one final warning. Hand me a number three. That should be more than enough for an Equilibrium Heaven angel.”

At my words, Hest fetched a ring-shaped piece of processed ‘habanite’ and politely slotted it onto Astraphe.

For the record, habanite was a cheap substitute for the orichalcum I had used previously. It didn’t even pack half the firepower relative to its mass… but its price was significantly cheaper than orichalcum.

Thrusting my metal-imbued blade across the two kilometers of empty space, I plunged it straight into the angel’s chest.

Thud!

“……!”

The angel’s eyes widened to the size of saucers as his body ballooned up like a giant float. Before long, accompanied by a thunderous roar, he transformed into a handful of glowing blood and dissolved into the empty air.

Dumbfounded by the sight, the people finally noticed the scattered flyers. Screaming in absolute terror, they began dispersing in all directions.

“Perfect. The area is completely cleared out. Shall we get to the main event, then? Give me a number ten.”

“Yes, Sword God.”

Click!

Lifting Astraphe—which was now equipped with a significantly thicker ring than before—I thrusted it forward into the empty air once more.

Thump.

Immediately following it, along with the distinct sensation of my blade’s tip piercing through a stone wall somewhere deep inside the temple of Morta…

“A direct hit.”

A monumental flash of light and roaring flames billowed up from the temple along with a deafening explosion.

BOOOOOOMMM!!

While Kelly’s group—who were witnessing my Mystery-flavored Little Boy for the very first time today—gaped in absolute awe at the staggering firepower, I scratched the back of my head.

“Yikes… was the firepower a bit too intense? Should I lower the output a fraction?”

Disis shook her head.

“An explosion needs to be at least this grand to warrant being called a Demon King.”

“I suppose you have a point… perfect. Where to next?”

“The royal capital of the Conru Kingdom. A grand temple of Equos is located there.”

“Let’s go. Let’s make sure to blow up at least ten locations for today.”

And on that very day, ten pillars of fire and giant mushroom clouds billowed up across several nations belonging to the Union of the Scales and Scythe.

When Hest relayed what she had witnessed that day back to the maids, the girls trembled in sheer terror.

“She mentioned he plans to explode ten more locations tomorrow.”

“No matter how you look at it… that isn’t a power a human should possess, is it…?”

“Since when has that man ever been an ordinary human?”

“Ah…”

“Stop harboring useless thoughts and just focus heavily on serving him well. And don’t forget to subtly make a pass at him from time to time. From now on, we are holding onto his coattails with a death grip. Sword God is invincible, and Little Boy is an absolute god.”