Staying Up Late

Once the date changed, all the caffeine that had built up in your body disappeared, so drinking more coffee after midnight couldn’t possibly be bad for your health.

I arbitrarily came up with that logic as I made yet another cup of instant coffee, having long since lost count of how many I’d had. I put the powder in a glass, dissolved it with hot water, then cooled it down with ice. The iced coffee made that way didn’t taste all that different from what I’d drunk at the café.

For someone like me, whose life was about as far removed from stylish living as possible, coffee was nothing more than something to accompany work. It wasn’t something I drank for the taste.

The PowerPoint presentation Misuzu Kagari had asked me to make was finally about sixty percent complete.

That’s right. This request, which had arrived at the absolute worst possible moment for me mentally, had come from Kagari. Seriously, she was the most unforgivable person in the world.

She had offered rice and vegetables as payment, so I’d reluctantly accepted… but even so, this was a ridiculously tedious job. I kept working while listening to music, doing whatever I could to preserve my sanity.

“This is rough…”

I quietly complained, letting the weakness escape from my mouth. Then I inhaled, and it came right back. This sucked.

I heard rustling noises. When I took out one earbud, I heard something moving in my room. The door opened, and Yūha stood there rubbing her eyes.

“Was I being too loud?”

“No. That’s not it. I just can’t sleep.”

Despite saying that, she looked incredibly sleepy as she sat down across from me, yawning drowsily. She wiped the tears from her yawn with the sleeve of her pajamas. Yūha looked completely out of it.

“You can definitely sleep.”

“I can’t.”

“Don’t lie. Go back to bed.”

I pointed toward her room, but Yūha only shook her head from side to side. Her shoulder-length black hair brushed against her shoulders as she exaggeratedly insisted she didn’t want to.

“Tomorrow’s a day off, so it’s fine.”

“Don’t you have tests next week?”

“I’ll study now.”

“Go to sleep. You’ll be less efficient.”

“I won’t.”

“But you’re sleepy, aren’t you?”

“I’ll drink coffee too. The same kind as you, Rokurō.”

“Why all of a sudden…?”

Ignoring my sigh, Yūha unsteadily got to her feet and wandered toward the kitchen. Her steps were anything but steady.

“Hey, I’ll make it for you. Sit down.”

I stood from my chair and overtook her.

“Something sweet is fine, right?”

“I want the same as yours.”

“Black coffee is bitter. Can you drink it?”

“I can.”

She nodded with a strangely determined expression, which only made me more worried. She was definitely going to need sugar afterward.

“Fine. I’ll make it the same way, so if you’re going to study, get your stuff ready.”

“Okaaay.”

I boiled water in the electric kettle and repeated the same steps as before. Since I didn’t want her getting cold, I used fewer ice cubes. It would probably be a little lukewarm, but that was fine.

I carried the glass over and set it down in front of Yūha. She had brought an English textbook from her room, and after saying, “Thanks,” she took her seat.

I returned to my own chair and watched as Yūha held the glass in both hands.

She cautiously tilted it and took a tiny sip.

“Ugh… bitter……… not.”

Her face twisted violently, but the moment she realized I was watching, she desperately shook her head.

“Want some sugar?”

“I already brushed my teeth, so no.”

“You need to brush your teeth after drinking coffee too. It’s not water.”

“Oh… really? But I still don’t need any.”

Yūha continued shaking her head and boldly took a second gulp. Maybe she had steeled herself better this time, because she managed to keep a relatively normal expression before nodding firmly.

“It’s good.”

“That is absolutely a lie.”

There were limits to how obvious a bluff could be. Apparently giving up, Yūha lowered her eyebrows in disappointment.

“What’s supposed to be good about black coffee?”

“I don’t know either. But I still feel like drinking it.”

“That’s weird.”

Maybe it was considered some sort of adult common sense for working people. As a part-timer, I normally had no reason to encounter anything like that. Still, for some reason, I always found myself wanting coffee whenever I worked.

“Sure you don’t want sugar?”

“No. I’m going to power through this.”

“Maybe we should buy some tea next time. That’d be easier for you to drink.”

“Yeah. Thanks.”

While I talked with Yūha, my hands had completely stopped working. My concentration was gone too, so I decided to take a break.

I slid the laptop aside and peered at her English textbook. Maybe because three years had passed, it was different from the one we had used.

“Anything you don’t understand?”

“I’m okay. They’re teaching me at school. Kumagai-sensei introduced me to some other teachers too, and they’ve been helping me. I should be able to avoid failing grades without much trouble.”

“That’s good.”

Seriously, that enormous teacher was far too caring.

All I had done was ask him, “Please help Yūha,” yet he was even looking out for her in subjects he didn’t teach himself. Someday, I wanted to repay him for it. Definitely.

“Hey, Rokurō.”

“Hmm?”

“I’m thinking of getting a part-time job starting in summer vacation. I’m not going to university anyway, so unlike everyone else, I don’t have to spend all my time studying.”

“Yeah… I guess that would help.”

I could see the logic in it.

At her college-preparatory school, third-year students were already spending nearly all their time studying. Meanwhile, I didn’t have enough money to send Yūha on to higher education, and she probably didn’t want that either.

Why was I so powerless?

I had become capable of surviving on my own and mistakenly convinced myself that meant I had grown strong. But now that I had something to carry on my shoulders, my own weakness was being shoved right in front of my face.

The burden of supporting a family, and the attachment that came with it—was that the same thing Yūha’s father had felt?

I rested my cheek in my hand and sank into thought. That man’s face flickered behind my eyelids, and for a moment, I felt as though it had been pasted over my own.

“Hey, Rokurō. Don’t make that face.”

Hearing my name snapped me back to reality. Yūha’s face was right in front of mine.

She had leaned across the table and taken hold of my hand.

“I’m not unhappy. You really are making me happy, Rokurō. So please, don’t look like you’re suffering that much.”

“…………”

“Does being happy mean having lots of money? Getting to eat delicious food every day? Wearing nice clothes? That’s not what it means to me.”

Yūha spoke firmly. Her sleepiness seemed to have vanished entirely, and strength had returned to her voice.

“Until recently, my life wasn’t mine. I couldn’t survive without either Dad or Mom, so I couldn’t go against them. But it’s different now. I can choose for myself. I can change things myself. I genuinely believe that’s what happiness is.”

When had she become this strong?

Something like relief, and something like loneliness, filled me as a cold, damp sigh slipped out.

“You can’t even drink coffee, and now you’re talking like some wise adult.”

“That has nothing to do with this! I was saying something really meaningful, and you just had to ruin it! You’re seriously so annoying!”

Watching Yūha huff and puff in anger made me laugh. Which, of course, only made her angrier.

We stayed up late together until the sky began to brighten.

Yūha was asleep in the room, illuminated by moonlight.

I lay on the futon beside hers and stared at the ceiling.

As she breathed peacefully in her sleep, I thought that someday, she would surely grasp it with her own hands.

A hope covered in mud, yet more beautiful than anything else.

I hoped so.

“Good night, Yūha.”

May she never have to dream another frightening dream.