Piauler

(Reading time: 11 minutes)

"Poule cheese?"

"Pule cheese."

"Poule?"

"Pule."

"Pooouuuule?"

"Puuuuule. It's pule, puuuuule!!"

"Pule? I've never heard of pule cheese until now"

"Yes, pule! She's thinking "I've never heard of pule cheese until now", isn't she?-- Then what the heck is "poule cheese"?!?!"

"Sir, this is not pule cheese."

"Then what is it?"

French Glasses smiles awkwardly. "It is poule cheese."

"Oh, I see. That explains the struggle, haha. *Chicken cheese??*"

"Yes. So you like the food?"

"Absolutely, *madamoiselle.*"

"We're very happy with that, thank you so much!" she smiles. "Ugh, fucking, fucking creep!"

French Glasses walks away to continue her job.

"... Yes, I absolutely liked it... and that wasn't fucking "pulled chicken cheese" that I ate. Why would they lie about that? Is it because they have no legal means to explain how they could get their hands on something so expensive?" the incognito customer's eyes slide to the opening of the kitchen. "How could they get their hands on something so expensive and sell it for such a short amount? It doesn't make sense at all..."

Jaspin's eyes in turn slide to the incognito guy. "Something tells me that something's up. Should I talk to Zane about it?"

Then Jaspin sticks up his hand as Beardnet walks by. "Excuse me," he says when he watches him bypass him, gone somewhere in his thoughts.

Beardnet: "Oh sorry, sorry!"

Jaspin: "No problem. I'd like to pay."

"..."

"Uhm, hello?--"

"Ahh yes, here you go" he says as he holds out the POS terminal.

"Thank you."

"Thank you, come back!"

Then Beardnet starts to shake his head as he walks away. "... She was insulting Biérdnattóin!... `*grits teeth*`"

Later Zane is back home, wiping his forehead as he sighs at the end of another exhausting but fulfilling day.

"Tired?" the spirit of Salinity asks as soon as poofing out of thin air.

"Yes," Zane says with a smile.

"But rewarding still, right?" Salt Spirit continues with a bent head.

"Uhuh. I've got all that I ever wanted in a carreer, and I have you guys to thank for that."

"No, you have yourself to thank for that `*points at Zane's chest*` since you're such a great cook! If it weren't for us and you had the chance, you would've probably made it at least this big at some point too."

"Thank you, thank you..." Zane says absent-mindedly, as his mind remains stuck in a cloud of happiness and gratitude.

"Buuuut" the spirit continues, blocking Zane's way with an outstretched arm as he tries to walk into the kitchen.

"Can you get out of the way, please?" Zane frowns.

"Buuuut... you can do so much more now thanks to us!"

"Yes, I just said that, didn't I?"

"Not really. `*Smiles uncannily wide*`"

"Okay, look, what do you want more from me?"

"Isn't it obvious? We chose *you* for a reason."

"Wasn't it the universe itself or whatever that chose me, though? You all said I was the chosen one and whatnot."

"Duhh, but what I mean is that your purpose doesn't end there. It cannot."

".... so?..."

"So you must win a michelon star. That is where we start."

"A michelon star? In my humble abode?"

"Yes! That is why you are the chosen one! The. Chosen.-- One!"

"Okay, well... how do you suppose I should go win a michelon star?-- Aaand before you say anything, I know you guys called me the chosen one and all that, but why should that mean that I couldn't rely on you guys? Besides my skills for cooking, I'm actually clueless when it concerns a lot of other things. I mean, you've seen me, I don't order my employees around that much!"

"So that's a first."

"What exactly is a first?"

Salt Spirit shoves one hand before Zane's face and crossess off one finger after the other. "Just like there are five of us, there are five principles for you to master in order to change the world."

"Wait, change the world?"

"What, you haven't picked up on anything??? Anyway, first is leadership, like you more or less already mentioned earlier. A second is influence in general, a third one is management and organisation skills which includes time management..."

"`*Gulps*` time management, huh..."

"A fourth is slyness, and finally creativity, five. Although I don't worry so much about the last one."

"Well I'm slightly worried about the second to last one..."

"Shall I explain, then?" sniffs the Spirit of Aroma with a giggle when she too poofs up out of thin air. "You need an unfaltering nose if you really want to make it big, you know, you need to smeeelllll the situation! Smeeellll when something is up, smeeellll when you need to act in, smeeellll if there's an opportunity; you need a sixth sense! `*Snifs*`"

"A sixth sense..." Zane echoes dubiously.

"Yep! `*Sniffs again*`"

"Anyway, what if I really don't want to do this?--"

"Theeen we'll block you from accessing the Infinite Kitchen," she says as she folds her arms.

"Think about it too! You've eaten at restaurants and you've known what food has become like with all the processing, too much sugar and - ugh -, salt..." Salt Spirit adds.

"How ironic..."

"🎶Today's world cares only about one thing...🎵" Salt Spirit begins to sing from which point on Aroma Spirit keeps sniffing intruisively at irregular moments. "🎵An`*Sniff*`d that thing is moneyyyy `*sniff, sniff*`... buuuut `*sniff*` so much can change, it just takes a bit of a rearrange...🎶"

Zane: "A b`*sniff*`it?..."

"🎶Yyyesssss, yyyeeeesss!! `*sniff*`.... you🎵just🎶need🎵to🎶become an example! `*Sniff*` You🎵just🎶need🎵 to🎶give this `*sniff*` world a sample,-- of your taaaaaasteee! Of your taaaaaasteee! 🎵"

"The world needs to know what I taste like?"

"🎶No, because you're obviously putrid... 🎵"

"Uuhhh, thanks??"

"🎵But that's in complete contrast to your wonderful, wonderful, wonderful-- wonderful-- WONDERFUL gift for cooking that just absolutely outmatches ours to give you access to our humble infinite reeeeeeealm! 🎵 `*sniiiiifffffff*"

Zane: "Was it a gift though?...`*sniff*` oh Spirit of Aroma, can you shut up?!"

Aroma Spirit: "Wha--? Carrrreful, now!"

Salt Spirit (to Zane): "Doesn't matter! You are the one who will change the world for the better, make food into food again, make food appreciated again, bring a smile on people's face once more and remind them what life is really about; bring a little more of colour into this grey world... Now, instead, time just equals money and money just equals time, hencewhy almost everyone nowadays eats fastfood on a regular basis and most don't even cook at all!"

"Yeah, I agree that is terrible..."

"And you didn't even add *pretty* as an adverb!"

"'... Cause it ain't pretty, at all."

"Right? It's such a shame, it's making me salty!" the Spirit suddenly finishes with a rasp voice.

"Again, the irony..."

Aroma Spirit: "It just stinks!"

"Yeah," Zane mouths as he throws a quick side-eye at Aroma Spirit. "But I think you guys are right after all! I've lived my dream, or at least I thought I did, but it seems that in the end... in the end it has only been a fraction of my dream!"

Salt Spirit & Aroma Spirit simultaneously: "Yeah!!"

"What I want is to change the world! Bring my taste and change food forever!"

Salt Spirit & Aroma Spirit simultaneously: "Yeah!!"

"And make cooking great again!"

Salt Spirit: "So, do you already have a plan in mind?"

"First, though, there is something I'd like to know one more thing about the Infinite Cuisine Realm."

Aroma Spirit: "And that is?"

"Are there specific rules that are tied to the Pocket Dimension?"

Later Zane is inside his restaurant's kitchen timely before anyone else arrived. He's secratively battering and mixing something up and hides the bowl behind his back as soon as he hears someone entering the kitchen.

"Glasses?!" Zane asks. "What are you doing here?!"

"I just went to check if the refigerator is on and stuff, since last time... nevermind. The door was open so I got here."

"Huh, I did?" Zane mumbles.

"Yes, you did. Why are you hiding a bowl behind your back?"

"`*sighs*` well there's no point in hiding it anymore now, and trust is important in a restaurant too, especially if you're planning to get big..."

"You are? It's good to hear that you have such ambition, really."

"Thanks. Well, so on to my *little secret*, as you requested, I thought today I'd get some eggs that don't come from a chicken."

Glasses laughs softly. "Why are you going out of your way to hide some duck eggs?"

"Because I'm not..."

"I know, I was just joking. Wait, that's egg in there, right?"

"Yeah of course it's just egg... look, you can't tell anyone, alright?"

"Sure."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"... well--"

"Those are chaffinch eggs."

"Oh my-- is that even legal?"

"Why are you acting so surprised?"

"Right, we were talking about a secret after all..."

"And don't worry, those eggs would've been eaten by wild animals either way. There are ways to know that sort of thing, you know."

"But what about those wild animals, then? Haven't you just disturbed their natural selection process?"

"Of course, there are ways to know that it it would've mattered little for *them* as well..." Zane sweats, almost spilling the bowl as he notices that he's totally forgotten about holding it.

"Well, anyway, I don't think it's that much of a problem, and I mean no disrespect, at all!- but are you sure you want to run a restaurant by dishonest means? I'm pretty sure you'll fall through the gaps at some point..." French-Glasses asks with a careful tone.

"*Dishonest means? Well, technically I'm not really selling my customers what I tell them, but would that really matter if the laws of the Infinite Cuisine Realm dictate that a consumer cannot gain an allergic reaction or whatsoever to the ingredients since they cannot be harmed through consumption?... Also, why didn't I just say--* `*clears throat*` by the way, I'm planning to own a chaffinch farm for that reason. Fucking dumbass... why didn't you prepare for this kind of situation? A chaffinch farm, seriously, who's going to believe that? Oh, right, maybe Beardnet would've-- yeah, why do you have to be here of all people? Where's Beardnet?!--"

"Oh, uhm... should I let you two be for a minute?" Beardnet says as he suddenly stands awkwardly in the midst of them.

French-Glasses: "What??"

Zane: "Beardnet, do you want to get fired?"

"Why are you calling me that anyway..." he says, his beardnet glinstering as he walks past the lamp in the room over to a section in the kitchen that apparently wasn't cleaned. He then turns over to French-Glasses and slowly clicks his tongue whilst shaking his head in disapproval.

French-Glasses: "Pardon?"

Beardnet: "Hey, is that... chaffich egg?"

"Huh, what, chaffinch egg, who said that? Haha..." Zane asks in a dazy sweat.

"How would you know?" French-Glasses asks too with a frown.

"Huh, what, chaffinch egg, who said that? Haha..." Beardnet answers likewise in a dazey sweat.

"Anyway, it is good that I didn't have to tell her my real secret" Zane cogitates. "Or well, any of the two... because that wasn't chaffinch egg, hehe..."

"Are they... the same person?" French-Glasses mumble-asks herself later as she's walking over to a customer table with a plate of food in her hand.

"Don't pick that one," Zane says to Beardnet in the kitchen with forced poise.

"What's wrong with the tomato?"

Zane tongue clicks a few times. "Did you know that tomatoes are susceptible to over 200 different kind of diseases?"

"Why should I know that, though? I'm just a cook..."

"That's right, it doesn't concern you, but neither does it hurt to know a little."

Beardnet rolls his eyes.

"See, the tomato itself may look fine, but do you see the stem from which it was plucked? Those little dark spots, they're called blight."

"So... this tomato is, like, rotten on the inside, then?"

"Why don't you just try to cut it and see for yourself?"

"... right, then I'll just--"

"No, go ahead, cut it."

Beardnet does as he's instructed to and sees no harm on the tomato's inside. "It looks... perfectly fine?"

"Yes, exactly! But the problem is the stem, Beardnet."

"Well, if we throw stuff away over such little details, the restaurant will be gone soon."

"Why, you think we don't possess quality products enough? Take a look at those tomatoes over there. Go on, do it."

Beardnet shams an inspection in front of Zane. "Well, they're perfect."

"Exactly!"

"... but how are you able to access so many quality products? Isn't it, like, percentually unrealistic for a small restaurant?"

Zane's eyes expand for a moment. "Why, it's all about *where* you're getting them from. *Biological* products are usually more expensive because of marketing reasons, but if you for instance grow them yourself and know how to cultivate the ones you want, you'll see you're actually saving a couple of pennies with that."

"But still, why should a restaurant as small and insignificant--"

"That's enough out of you," Zane says as he authoritively closes his pouted lips by elegantly squeezing them together. "I have aspirations, Beardnet-- ambitions! My plan is to make it big and change the world of cooking forever, and I have just the needs, the means and the people to realise that. And people includes you, of course!" Zane finishes with spreading his arms as if ready to give him a hug like he's the most treasured person in his life.

"Wow, if you really mean that, then thank you, ~Zane: you're welcome!'~ but since when exactly did you get so, ehh, ambitious?"

"Did I tell you how significant a cook I was before opening this restaurant? I've been ambitious for a long time, I just haven't advanced my plans until now that I feel is the right moment."

"Oh, okay."

"Beardnet, what about you? Do you have ambition?"

"I love cooking. I don't know if I'd open a restaurant myself maybe some time in the future, but cooking is a passion of mine to say the least."

Zane felt strange for a moment. Despite not sounding that eager at all, still there was so much... honesty in his voice? It wasn't like any of Zane's (albeit newfound) aspirations were dishonest, but of course those words were coming from someone who didn't have an Infinite Cuisine Realm cheat code, technically speaking at least.

Zane puts his hand on Beardnet's shoulder with a friendly gesture. "You know what, Beardnet, I believe in you! I think you could even surpass me one day! I mean, after me you're the best cook this restaurant has, after all!"

"Oh really? Haha, but you're a masterchef and all that, besides I'm not really thinking in *that* direction. I just love cooking, like I said."

Strange. Desensitised already? This time it's not like Zane feels something stinging him.

"Well, that's okay too, because in the end I also just love cooking. When you cut the edges like that, no one in the world is really special, and that counts for me as well."

The two still fail to notice French-Glasses who is fuming at the sight of their idle chatter.

"But you're a masterchef though."

"And I used to be a dishwasher!"

"Really?! And you became a masterchef, like how?!"

"Well, that I should tell you another time, right now we're supposed to be at work and--"

"RIGHT!" French-Glasses shouts. "Right now we're at work! The customers will start complaining!"

"So yeah, take this tomato," Zane says to Beardnet to deal with the delay.

"Will do," Beardnet answers as he subconsciously inspects the tomato. "Wow, he really did pick a perfect tomato without even looking. Does he have a sixth sense?"

French-Glasses continues to fume and appear like she's about to lose it as Beardnet remains standing idly.

"And why does everyone here keep calling me Beardnet..."

"AAAAARGHHH!!!" French-Glasses shouts as she's pulling her hair, seemingly almost ripping it out.

"That was a nice speech you gave to *Beardnet* there" the Spirit of Aroma says to Zane as he's resuming his work as the supposed boss of the kitchen. "But it isn't necessary correct, because *you* and only *you* have a potential of any significance. That means you're the best!"

"Thanks, I guess, but doesn't that mean everyone else is insignificant?"

Some cooks turn around and look up to watch the suddenly gone mad head chef talk to himself.

Aroma Spirit: "He mistook the psittacosaurus egg for chaffich egg. You wouldn't do that."

"But I do get where he's coming from, I mean they *do* smell similar, which I know because I went to check after that conversation with him and French-Glasses..."

"And see, that's the point. You get it, he doesn't. Like I said, you are able to smell their similarity, in other words, their difference. Only you-- remember!... Only... you. ..."

Another black-clad customer is sitting at his table as the grumpy French-Glasses hopelessly puts up a front to appear friendly and excited as she delivers the obviously important man his overdue dish.

"Sorry for the wait.--"

"Oh no problem at all, really, don't mention it!" he flaps with his hand.

"Thank you. Is everything else to your convenience?" she clap-folds her hands close to her ear.

"Absolutely, *madamoiselle*" he disgustingly says like his former.

This time French-Glasses has a glint in her eye that makes her look like she's about to rip his tongue out.

"Thank you so much! Enjoy your food and have a nice evening!"

French-Glasses then walks away to resume her work.

The black-clad, inconspicuous incognito man brings his nose to the plate. His nostrils expand a thousandfold as he disgraces the pitiable plate with an "Absolutely, *madamoiselle*"-spirited sniff. "Hmmm..." he says with a vultureous voice. "It *smells* similar to chaffinch egg, but...`*Takes a bite*` the taste-- no, texture is definitely different. In fact, it is different from any contemporary organic product, biological or unbiological..." he lifts up his face with so much suspicion in its look that only someone gone entirely mad would have. "I knew it. Something's definitely off..."