My Childhood Friend And The Song

According to my childhood friend, “Surprises are so hard, aren’t they? Whenever I try to pull one off, I can’t help grinning, so I never manage it.”

…or so she says.

This was back when we were still in elementary school. That childhood friend had been planning a surprise for my birthday present, but the moment she pictured herself springing it, she went and grinned to herself, got grilled over what she was hiding, and gave the whole surprise away… or so the story goes.

And this same childhood friend of mine, one Sakura Ayuri, who to this day I honestly can’t decide is hopeless at keeping secrets or somehow weirdly good at them… well…

◆◆◆

Our shift at the class stall done, the three of us (me, Hina, and Sumire) had come to the gym early to claim seats for the light music club’s live set up on the stage. This block of the program was given over to volunteer student groups putting on their own presentations, and at the moment the drama club was up with a play. The light music club, the one Senior Hotaru belonged to, had been slotted near the very end on the strength of its popularity: the grand finale.

“Thank you very much!!”

— Clap, clap, clap.

The play ended and the curtain came down. Ayu was supposed to be shadowing the light music club as a helper until their set wrapped, and since the club was two slots after this play, she was probably tucked away somewhere in the wings for now.

“By the way, this next group’s name… what’s this ‘Cheering On Senior Hiiragi’ Society?”
“Just the name alone gives off a real inside-joke vibe, huh.”
“Who knooows~? Well, we’ll find out once it starts, right~?”

Hina, roped into it by Ayu by the look of things, kept up the chatter while filming each group’s turn on stage with her phone.

The pamphlet did have “Performance” printed under this group’s name, but with the light music club’s popularity waiting right after… rude as it is to say, I figured they’d come to nothing more than an opening act.

“Who even is Senior Hiiragi, anyway?”
“Ahh, that would be… last year’s light music club president, probably, a third-year. I’ve talked with her before — she was a really kind person~.”
“Huh…”

Her having spoken with Hiiragi was… probably back when she brokered the rules that reined in Senior Hotaru’s campaign to recruit Ayu. Was this Senior Hiiragi facing some kind of challenge, then? If so, the light music club’s own set afterward would probably carry something for that senior too. And beyond that, the fact that a whole separate group had sprung up under the banner of a “Cheering On Senior Hiiragi” Society meant this was a senior who was pretty deeply loved.

“And now, the next group — a performance by the ‘Cheering On Senior Hiiragi’ Society.”
“Oh, it’s starting~.”
“So what’s it gonna be… huh?”

The prep had apparently wrapped in no time. The curtain rose, and the next group, the “Cheering On Senior Hiiragi” Society, came out as a pair… but the instant I made out one of the two, my mind went blank at the appearance of someone I’d never expected.

“…Ayu?”

“…”

From here on, the words that slipped out of my bewilderment would never once reach the stage.

The familiar hair, the familiar height, the familiar face, that familiar figure in the uniform… the one standing up on that stage now was, without a doubt, my childhood friend, Sakura Ayuri, whose face I was laying eyes on for the very first time today, right here and now.

“Everyoneee! Hellooo!!”
“Helloooo!!!”

The one beside Ayu, Senior Hotaru, was the one greeting the audience, which made it plain that Ayu hadn’t wandered up there by mistake.

“Some of you look surprised, huh. Well, those in the know already know… I’m Kazufuku Hotaru! Light music club member~! I’ll be back up here with them later too, so that’s two slots in a row for me~!”
“Whoaaaa!!!”

Beside the senior whipping up the crowd, Ayu’s eyes wandered here and there; nerves, probably. Even so, there was nothing reluctant or put-upon about it; she was clearly standing up there of her own firm will.

“…So you two knew?”

Unlike me, Hina and Sumire on either side of me showed not a flicker of surprise; they had the composure of people who’d known all along. At my question, Sumire pressed her palms together in a little “sorry,” while Hina, phone still trained on the stage, gave a small apologetic bow.

“Everyone’s got all sorts of questions, right? Things like ‘What’s with this group name?’ or ‘Why’s she performing in a separate group from the light music club?’ or ‘Who’s that cutie next to Hotaru?’ — all kinds, right?!”
“We wanna knooow!”
“Tell ussss!”
“Right, right~. Honestly, we’ve only got the one song ready, so partly to buy myself some time, let me answer real quick!”

A natural on stage, or however you’d put it. Next to a faintly nervous Ayu, Senior Hotaru turned her usual bright energy on the crowd without a flinch. The ones chiming in were maybe friends of hers, maybe fans; either way, even from the sidelines, her popularity and how dearly she was loved came through plain as day.

“First off, the Senior Hiiragi in our group name — that’s my beloved former president of the light music club! The third-year, Hiiragi Kaede!”
“After graduating, Senior Hiiragi is scheduled for major surgery to treat a chronic illness!”
“So! I wanted to cheer that senior on, so I twisted the arm of Ayu-cha— …er, this cute little junior of mine, and the two of us launched this group together!”

…I see. A very Senior-Hotaru sort of origin story: hopelessly soft on someone she loves, and willing to do anything for her. But even so, I didn’t think a reason like that was enough to justify making Ayu, who hates singing in front of people, sing somewhere like this. If anything, the honoree being a former light music club president only made me think it more: just do that kind of tribute over on the club’s side, then.

“A few of you just thought it, didn’t you? ‘If you’re putting on a performance for the former president, just do it in the light music club’ — and honestly, the current president said exactly that to me, too.”

…It was as if she’d read my mind, the way she always seems to. Though this time it really was pure coincidence.

“For me, I’m having a great time making music in the light music club now — but back when I first started here, a lot happened… and I’d gone completely listless about anything to do with music.”
“The one who reached out to a listless me like that, pulled me into the light music club, and reminded me how fun music can be — that was Senior Hiiragi.”
“So! To repay that senior — not just as Kazufuku Hotaru of the light music club, but as Kazufuku Hotaru, one single junior of hers — I want to give the very best I possibly can!”
“…And so, the finest gift I can offer on my own. The very root of what ‘fun music’ means to me: my junior Ayuri’s singing, and my piano. To give that at its absolute best, I’ve borrowed this stage.”

— Clap, clap, clap.

Applause rolled out across the hall toward the bowing senior.

…And yet, even after hearing all that, I still couldn’t quite accept it. I wanted to hear it from the one standing silent at the senior’s side.

“Everyoneee! So, anyway — this one song is a song for Senior Hiiragi, as far as I’m concerned, but it’s a good one! I’d be grateful if you’d enjoy it! Okay then, Ayuri — the song intro and a word on how you’re feeling, if you would!”

Her piece said and looking well satisfied, the senior left Ayu alone in the dead center of the stage and settled onto the piano bench off to one side. Every eye in the gym converged on the Ayu left standing there, and she seemed to shrink a little deeper into her nerves.

“H-hello, everyone! I’m Sakura Ayuri, from Class 1-3!”

Applause rang through the hall again for the bowing Ayuri. It seemed to steady her resolve; the face she lifted from the bow was one that had made up its mind.

“…I feel truly honored that Hotaru— …that Senior Hotaru would say all those things about me just now.”
“But no matter who praises me, or how much… in the end, being up in front of people like this — never mind singing while everyone’s watching — even now that I’m actually standing here… I don’t think I’ll ever come to like it.”

Ayu dipped her head a little at that. And toward her, a “You’ve got this!” went up from somewhere in the hall.

“Thank you… yeah, but even so, I want to help Senior Hotaru repay her own senior — so I came up with a reason of my own to sing here, a reason for my own sake.”
“…If Hotaru wants to make music to repay the senior she loves, to pass on her gratitude — then I have to sing with that same feeling too.”
“And if that’s the case, then I… I want to sing with every bit of gratitude I have for the people who stay by my side like this — for my friends!”

Ayu declared it in a ringing voice, and for an instant our eyes met… or so it felt. Of course they hadn’t, not really; I’d heard once that from up on a stage you can’t actually make out the faces in the audience.

“…The song I’m about to sing is one I heard a long time ago and could never quite remember, no matter how hard I tried… so I did my best to recreate it.”
“While I was fumbling around with it, it turned into a ‘you know what, let’s just call it an arrangement and make it a whole different song!’ sort of deal… well, after I’d had lots of people listen during practice, I did figure out what the original was, though… ahaha…”
“So, for anyone listening, it might be fun to try and guess the original as you go! It did end up pretty different, though… okay then…”

With that, Ayu turned her eyes to Senior Hotaru, waiting at the piano.

“So please, listen — To My Dear Friends.”

As the title left her lips, the senior’s piano began to sound. She’d hidden this whole performance from me, so of course it was only natural, but it was a song I’d never once heard, not even at the little concerts the two of them sometimes put on.

— ~♫

“Hah…~♪”

A voice rose in time with the music. A voice I’d heard countless times before, and yet one that even I, who had always been right at her side, so rarely got to hear: an earnest, unguarded singing voice.

“Amazing…”

Someone near me murmured it. I understood the feeling. Even I, who knew Ayu’s singing and had braced myself for it, felt something in my chest shaken loose, because it was a voice that struck straight at the heart.

“~♩”

No one in the hall had expected a star like Senior Hotaru to turn up, much less the mysterious junior she’d brought up onto the stage with her. The audience had been buzzing at this Ayu and her almost small-animal air, but the instant she began to sing, every one of them fell dead silent and held their breath.

“~♪”

(This song…)

Only, out of everyone here, I was probably the only one for whom this song meant something more. I recognized it. Not the original she’d mentioned just now; I had heard these very lyrics before.

“~♩”

(It really is the one from back then…)

It was the song Ayu had been singing that day she confided in me that she was a reincarnator… the day I found her on that beach.

“~♫”

(…)

Only, the feeling poured into it now was plainly different from that time. What I’d felt back then was loneliness, the ache of never being able to meet someone precious again, and sorrow, feelings of that shape.

But this…

“~♪”

(Seriously, what even is this song?)

Happy enough to cry, her chest so full she might come apart at any second: that was the Ayu-feeling reaching me. It was the exact opposite of the emotion in that singing voice back then.

“~♫!”

The song seemed to be cresting. Senior Hotaru’s piano swelled louder, and Ayu’s voice gathered even more force. Someone must have been crying; I could hear sniffling somewhere.

(That song… wasn’t it supposed to be a precious one to you?)

It’s always like this. Ever since that time in middle school, the very moment I start to think I’ve finally come to understand Ayu’s feelings, they slip out of reach again and I’m left not understanding at all.

This was Ayu, the one who hates being out in front of people, and she was pouring every last bit of power into her own singing, holding nothing back on the very song she’d once been too embarrassed to let even me hear. And for the reason behind it to be “gratitude to my friends”… that was something I still couldn’t wrap my head around… even though I was one of those friends myself.

“♫~…”

Ayu’s song ended, and a beat behind it the senior’s piano came to rest too. In a hall gone utterly still, then swallowed up in a great swell of applause, the curtain came down.