3-7 - Feelings Realized Only After Loss

How much time had passed since then? A few weeks? A month? It couldn’t have been six months yet, but I’d spent every day doing nothing but eating the meals brought to me.

Then, one chilly night, I was awakened by angry shouts coming from somewhere.

“…What’s going on? Is someone fighting?”

With that thought, I strained my ears. Among the faint sounds I could make out were people’s screams and the word “intruders.”

“Intruders…? In this mansion? That’s ridiculous.”

Not every knight employed by House Gransches was stationed at the mansion. In fact, most of them had been dispatched to various locations.

Even so, the mansion had far more guards than the sort of residence a merchant might own. There was no way intruders could simply break into a place like this.

And yet, the commotion outside showed no signs of stopping.

“Hey, somebody! Is anyone out there!?”

I shouted while pounding on the door. Since I didn’t know what was happening outside, there was a chance I’d attract the intruders, but staying here didn’t guarantee that whoever eventually came would be someone trying to rescue me.

More than anything, I was worried about Alice and Claire-nee. Claire-nee might have people around her who would protect her, but Alice wasn’t so fortunate.

“Somebody! If anyone’s there, answer me!”

After several minutes of desperately pounding on the door—

“—Leon-sama! Where are you, Leon-sama!?”

The voice I’d been longing to hear finally rang out.

“Alice! Over here!”

“Leon-sama!”

Footsteps approached the door. Moments later, there was a click, and the door opened from the outside.

“Leon-sama, are you all right!?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. I heard something about intruders. What exactly happened?”

“Everyone is in a panic, so I don’t know the details, but it seems a group of bandits has attacked the mansion.”

“Attacked…? They must be insane to attack a count’s mansion.”

“Yes. But there have been numerous reports of bandits being sighted throughout the territory recently. A force was dispatched to subjugate them, and it seems the attackers took advantage of the mansion’s weakened defenses.”

“Are you saying they deliberately lured the knights away?”

“I don’t know, but… it’s true that our knights are being overwhelmed. I think it’s only a matter of time before the bandits break into this part of the mansion.”

“Things are really going that badly…?”

Under normal circumstances, I would have found it hard to believe, but the chaos gripping the mansion was undeniable. If we didn’t act now, something irreversible might happen.

“Leon-sama, we should evacuate somewhere safe first.”

“Yeah… Ah, no, we need to find Claire-nee. Do you know where she is?”

“Claire-sama? Unfortunately, I haven’t seen her for quite some time.”

“I see…”

When we’d last met, she’d said she was going to begin bridal training the following day… If even Alice hadn’t seen her, perhaps she’d been confined to her room.

“All right, let’s check Claire-nee’s room first.”

Having decided on our course of action, we stepped into the corridor. We borrowed one of the lanterns placed at various points along the way and used its light to guide us toward Claire-nee’s room.

However, along the way, I discovered the bodies of a House Gransches knight and a man who appeared to be one of the bandits.

“Looks like there was a fight here.”

Suppressing the nausea rising in my throat, I examined the two bodies. They appeared to have killed each other. Both bore wounds that looked fatal.

I didn’t know how skilled the knights of House Gransches were, but… this man had managed to take a knight down with him. Could an ordinary bandit really be that capable?

…No, investigating that could wait. First, we needed to find Claire-nee and escape somewhere safe.

But before that—I turned my attention back to the bodies.

I had moral reservations about doing this, but given the circumstances, I couldn’t afford to be particular. I began searching their belongings for anything useful.

“…Leon-sama. What are you…?”

“I know what you want to say, but bear with it for now. We can’t afford to die here, can we?”

“That’s… true. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. More importantly, keep watch in case anyone comes.”

I resumed searching the bodies, collecting the swords each man had carried and two jars of oil belonging to the bandit. I handed Alice one sword and both jars of oil.

“…I’m not particularly good with a sword.”

“I know. And you know I’m no good with one either, right? But it’s better than being unarmed. Just carry it with you. If things get desperate, you can always throw it at someone and use the distraction to escape.”

“…Understood.”

Alice nodded with an unusually solemn expression.

Come to think of it, Alice had pretty strong nerves. She’d apparently traveled through various places before becoming a slave, so perhaps she was somewhat accustomed to dangerous situations.

In any case, I was grateful she could remain calm—just as that thought crossed my mind, a woman’s shrill scream rang out from farther down the corridor.

The instant I heard it, I instinctively ran toward the sound.

And when I rounded the corner, I witnessed Father desperately fighting despite having lost an arm, while Caroline-san stood trembling beside him.

“Father! Behind you!”

I shouted when I saw an enemy approaching Father from behind. However, with another enemy directly in front of him, Father was too slow to turn around. Then—a great crimson flower suddenly blossomed in the corridor.

But Father hadn’t been struck. He stood there in a daze. And in the direction of his stunned gaze, Caroline-san was slowly collapsing to the floor.

“You bastard!”

Coming back to his senses, Father unleashed a furious slash, cutting down the bandit who had wounded Caroline-san. But the enemy standing in front of him seized upon the opening—

“Not a chance!”

I hurled the sword I was holding.

My hastily thrown weapon failed to injure the bandit. However, it made him hesitate for an instant, and Father, having regained his balance, cut him down.

“—Caro! Stay with me, Caro!”

Father knelt beside Caroline-san and lifted her bloodstained body with his remaining arm.

“My… dear… Are you… safe?”

“Y-yes. I’m all right! But why? Why did you protect me!? You hated me, didn’t you!? Then why did you shield me!?”

“I did… hate you… Because you… never… noticed… how I… felt…”

“…What? What are you talking about!? What do you mean!? You had someone else you loved, didn’t you!?”

Father stared at her in disbelief. Caroline-san, whose eyes were already beginning to lose their light, gave him a feeble smile.

“How… long… ago… was that…? I… have… loved… you… for so… very… long…”

“Caro!? Stay with me! Don’t die! Please, don’t die! I’m begging you, Caro! Please! Please, hold on!”

As Father desperately called out to her, Caroline-san’s body went limp in his arms.

“Caro! Don’t die! Don’t leave me behind! Please, Caro! Caro, I’m begging you, please… answer me. Caro… Caro…”

Caroline-san was dead. It hadn’t been an illness. Nor had it been an accident.

For the first time, I’d witnessed someone being killed by another human being. Faced with that utterly shocking sight, I was rendered speechless.

Even so, I knew it was dangerous to remain here, so I forced the words out in a hoarse voice.

“Father… It’s dangerous to stay here.”

“…Leon? Why are you here?”

“I came looking for Claire-nee.”

“I… see. Claire is at a convent, so there’s no need to worry about her.”

“A convent…?”

“Caro sent her there for bridal training.”

“I… see…”

I had plenty of thoughts about that, but I didn’t want to speak ill of the dead. Besides, the fact remained that Claire-nee was somewhere safe.

After taking a moment to compose myself, I forcibly shifted my attention to what we needed to do next.

“Then we’re the only ones left?”

“…That’s right. I sent Blake away with a knight escort, and I ordered the servants to flee as well. Only a handful of people capable of fighting should still be in the mansion.”

“I see… Then let’s escape together. We need to get somewhere safe and stop the bleeding from your arm.”

Blood was still pouring from his severed arm. If we didn’t stop the bleeding soon, it would be too late.

Besides, the bandits had already penetrated as far as the bedrooms, practically the deepest part of the mansion. The sounds of fighting echoed from all directions, and it was probably only a matter of time before more enemies came pouring in.

We had no time to waste.

And yet, Father slowly shook his head.

“I’m sorry, but I cannot leave Caro behind.”

“…Then please carry her body, Father.”

Although he’d lost an arm, I figured he’d still have an easier time carrying her than I would. But Father shook his head again.

“That’s not what I mean. I will not allow Caro to depart on her final journey alone.”

“But that—!”

Was he planning to die with her?

“…Father, I understand how you feel. But you should escape and survive.”

“Leon, I’m sorry, but I will not flee.”

“Father! She sacrificed herself to save your life!”

“—I know! But I never noticed Caro’s feelings, and I left her lonely all those years. So at the very least, I want to stay by her side until the end!”

“—!”

I’d be lying if I said I couldn’t understand how Father felt.

After all… I’d felt the same way when I lost Saya. If I was going to die soon anyway, perhaps I should simply stay with Saya and—

But Father’s situation was different. Although he was bleeding badly, there should still be time to save him if we hurried.

“Father, please reconsider.”

“I’ve already made up my mind.”

“What about the Gransches territory!?”

“Blake is reasonably capable when matters involving you aren’t concerned. Besides, House Sphiel has been associated with our family for generations. I’m sure they’ll lend him a hand even without being asked.”

I bit my lip at Father’s words. It wasn’t that I was genuinely worried about House Gransches. I’d only said that because I wanted Father to live.

“…I’m sorry.”

Father muttered those words quietly.

If you’re going to apologize, then— I forcibly swallowed the words that rose to my throat. It seemed we couldn’t afford to linger any longer. The commotion around us was growing steadily louder.

Was there really no way to change Father’s mind? There were still so many things I wanted to ask him. Was this really how we were going to part…?

“Don’t look so miserable. You have Milly and Claire, don’t you? And Alistia as well. You seem to be getting along quite well with them.”

For a moment, I didn’t understand what he meant.

“…H-how do you know about that, Father?”

Father didn’t answer my question. He merely gave me a meaningful look. But seeing that expression reminded me of what had happened when I came down with influenza.

Back then, Father had looked at me in exactly the same way…

“—Leon-sama, we’re almost out of time.”

Alice interrupted my thoughts.

“…All right.”

There were so many things I wanted to ask. Countless things I wanted to say. But I couldn’t afford to die yet.

And so, I decided to leave Father behind.

“Father, I’m going to escape. I’ll escape and stay alive.”

“I see… That’s for the best. There’s a hidden door at the far end of the second-floor corridor. Beyond it is a staircase leading directly underground. You should be able to escape outside through there.”

“…Thank you.”

I turned to leave. But the realization that this was my final farewell to my biological father made it difficult to walk away, and I turned back one last time.

“…Is there anything you want to say before we part?”

It wasn’t as though I wanted him to say something like I love you, as if we were in the final scene of a Hollywood movie. But even so, I couldn’t help hoping that, just once, he might say something to me as family.

However…

“Let’s see… Please look after Milly and Claire. Protect them for me.”

“You… Even now, right until the very end, you still…!”

Countless emotions swelled inside my chest, threatening to spill from my mouth. But I desperately forced them down. Then, determined to fulfill Father’s dying wish, I engraved his words upon my heart.

“…Understood. I promise I’ll protect them both.”

“I see. If you’re willing to take care of them, I can depart this world in peace. After all, you are my son, and I’m proud of you.”

“—!”

What was the emotion I felt at that moment? Joy? Or perhaps anger?

…I didn’t know. The only thing I knew for certain was that everything had come far too late.

“Now, Leon. You must go. The enemy is almost upon us.”

Even without Father’s warning, I could hear footsteps approaching nearby.

It was only a matter of time before they reached us. So I swallowed all my resentment, bitterness, gratitude, and every other word I wanted to say.

And then…

“…Goodbye, Dad.”

After bidding him a final farewell, I took Alice’s hand and headed in the opposite direction from the approaching footsteps.

“Caro… Forgive me. I failed to recognize not only your feelings, but even my own. But I finally understand. There are feelings we only become aware of after losing the ones we love…”

As I departed, I thought I heard Father murmuring those words.