So It Was You

“I’ve told you, this time I want to try it on the study desk — so why won’t you let me?”
“And what if we’re caught? Even in the dead of night, there are times the servants come and go.”
“The whole manor watched you carry me out dead drunk. So even if someone did catch us, who would ever think it was me — Gloria? They’d sooner take it for Mari.”
“Please, Ria. We’re tangled together like this, joined below — must you really drag her into it now?”

My mind went white, and the world went black before my eyes.

Through the crack of the barely open door came the sound of frenzied breathing. My husband panted like a beast in rut, and Gloria let coquettish moans spill from her lips.

“But you know… earlier — mm — the Ermaning ’52.”
“What about it.”
“That was my gift, wasn’t it. So why did you tell Mari it was her anniversary present?”
“Haa, Ria. You know there was nothing else I could have done.”
“Hnn — wait. Wait. I’m too upset to keep going.”

The wine I’d drunk only moments ago churned together with the food in my stomach, on the verge of surging back up.

What in the world…

Even with the two of them there before my own eyes, I could not begin to believe it.

“This is exactly why I never told you when the anniversary was. And then you go and give my gift to Marienne?”
“What is it now. No — I’m sorry. It’s all my fault. So come, lie back down, hm?”

Just how long had these two been deceiving me? From where to where, how far, had they been playing me false?

“It’s infuriating. How am I supposed to sit and watch you fuss over Mari’s anniversary when you won’t even mark mine? You don’t feel the least bit sorry for me, do you?”
“Well then — why did you throw me over and marry that bastard? If you’d chosen me, you wouldn’t be stuck here, suffering in this cramped little corner.”

The answer came to me without the least difficulty.

So it’s you.

She had belonged to my husband since long before we ever wed.

“Cedric, I told you — I never wanted that marriage. You truly are the only one for me.”
“I know, Ria. Haah… the woman lying in my bed tonight should have been you.”
“So don’t go back tonight. Don’t you dare so much as dream of rolling around with any woman but me.”
“Of course not. Now turn around and hold that skirt up properly.”
“Mari — hnng. You must never, ever do this with Marienne. If you do, I really might just kill you.”

All my strength drained away at once, as though the soles of my feet had been punched clean through, and I could no longer keep myself upright on my own two legs.

This cannot be real. Yes — this must be a dream. It has to be.

There had been times I’d wondered whether my husband’s woman might be Gloria, on nothing more than an instinctive hunch. It could never be, I would tell myself, for the very supposition was an insult to my own sister, and I would force the suspicion from my head. And now all that effort had come to nothing. I met the truth utterly defenseless.

I faltered and braced a hand against the wall. As the cold marble met my skin, the sense of reality that had drifted so far away came rushing back.

Revolting. So utterly filthy.

Everything was vivid enough to make my flesh crawl: the sounds climbing toward their peak, the warmth grazing my skin, the shudder running through my own limbs. I couldn’t think straight, and a bottomless sense of betrayal left my insides burning.

Before I even realized it, my hand had closed around a thick, heavy book.

Would this be enough?

I despaired, unable even to wipe away the tears streaming down my face. I wanted to fling the door open that very instant and hurl the book at the two of them.

“Ahh — I love you. I love you, Cedric.”

Love.

Had I not heard that word, I would surely have done just that. For some reason, Gloria’s final words drained me of every last shred of will, as though my marriage and my whole life were being denied, root and branch.

“Me too, Ria. Ha — push harder. I’m at my limit now.”
“How am I supposed to push any harder than this? Mm — Cedric. Not inside. Outside. Outside.”

— Thud.

As the two of them reached their climax, the book slipped from my hands and crashed to the floor.

Someone saw us. I’m certain of it.

The next morning, Gloria sat huddled on the bed, still in the clothes she’d worn the night before. Gnawing anxiously at her nails, she thought back to the thick book that had lain fallen on the study floor.

Who on earth is it? Who was it that spied on us?

If it had been a housemaid, that would at least be a mercy; she could seize the girl and beat it out of her before she ran her mouth. But if it hadn’t been a maid, if it was Marienne… Gloria raked at her hair in agitation.

Would a mere housemaid ever think to set foot inside the study? Not unless she’d gone clean out of her mind. The butler, then? Surely he didn’t overhear what we said…

No matter which possibility she weighed, there was only ever one worst outcome. If the one who had witnessed it was Marienne, she couldn’t begin to imagine what would come next. Marienne usually retired early, so the chances were slim, though there was no telling for certain.

“Aaargh! Should I just come out and ask her?”

She half considered asking whether it had been Marienne in the study last night, then scrubbed the idea from her mind. Knowing Marienne’s temperament, even if she had seen what passed between Cedric and herself, she didn’t seem the sort to be the first to let on.

“This is such a mess, honestly.”

The more she turned it over, the more wronged she felt.

Why in the world should I be the one agonizing like this? The one Cedric loves is me. Not that damned Mari!

It had been several years now since Cedric first began chasing her. Long before either of them ever had a household of their own, she had been the only woman he loved, the only one. And of course, it was to stay that way for good.

This won’t do. I’ll just have to make certain myself.

Unable to shake the queasy unease, Gloria summoned her maid and finished dressing. When she asked where Marienne was, the girl told her the mistress had been in the drawing room since early that morning. Gloria hurried toward it, and when she flung the drawing room door wide, her eyes met Marienne’s, where she reclined deep in the damask sofa. Gloria greeted her with a bright little smile.

“Good morning, Mari. Did you sleep well last night?”
“I slept wonderfully, thanks to you. Truly refreshed.”

Oh, I’m sure you slept well.

A hollow laugh nearly escaped me, but I barely swallowed it back down. I hadn’t the strength left even to answer so contemptible a remark.

“Even after drinking far too much last night, I feel perfectly fine. It must be because you’re right here beside me. Peace of mind and body — that sort of thing, you know?”

Could this woman, settling into the seat across from me with that guileless smile, truly be my twin? Where in the world had the Gloria I once knew gone?

“Mari, I’m so glad the two of us are twins. It’s almost like getting to live two lives, isn’t it.”
“Two lives?”
“Mm-hm. Everything other people only get to experience once, we get to have twice over. So — mm — I’m just glad you’re my twin, Mari!”

I remembered a time, when the two of us were very small, when Ria would gather me lovingly into her arms at my bedside and whisper to me. In that remembered image of Gloria I could not find the faintest trace of the woman who had joined her body to my husband’s the night before. She had been the one I shared everything with. We had been one and the same since before we were even born, and that you and I should stand together, leaning on one another, had seemed to me the most natural thing in all the world.

And yet — how could you do this to me.

Yes, how could you do this to me? That pointless, unanswerable question was all that circled round and round at the edge of my lips.

“Gloria.”

In the end, Cedric never came back to our bedroom that night, and I spent the whole of it in this state. All night long I thought, and thought again, about the wisest thing to do, and still I had no answer for how I was to face this.

Should I drag my husband’s and my sister’s betrayal into the light, lay their wickedness bare before all the world? And then what would become of everything after that?

Could we ever go back to the way we were, Ria? To the two of us from that time, when you would whisper how glad you were to be my twin.

Everything would be reduced to ruin: our bond, our honor, even our people.

I thought of my parents, who had always trusted in me, and I could not even guess how deep a wound I would be forcing on them.

If the whole world came to revile Cedric and Gloria, would that leave my heart any lighter?

If filthy rumors spread through society, and those rumors trailed our house and my name for the rest of my life… The mere thought was ghastly. Whatever choice I made, the outcome was hopeless.

For now.

Driving Gloria out of the manor came first. Divorcing Cedric would take rather more careful preparation; in Balter, a woman’s petition for divorce was scarcely ever granted.

“First, go upstairs and start packing. I’ll have a carriage kept waiting.”
“What? Pack, all of a sudden? What is that supposed to mean?”
“Feigning ignorance to the bitter end… Gloria, just how long do you mean to go on deceiving me?”

Even at a moment like this, Gloria kept up her shameless pretense, and it was almost frightening to behold.

“Don’t test my patience any further. I’m quite at my limit as it is.”

I pressed a hand to my brow and sank back into the sofa. It was all I could do to keep my head clear.

In that instant, Gloria’s expression changed in a flash, and she murmured, low.

“You… so you saw everything.”