Hedgehoggirl

How is any of this ‘window dressing’, dammit.

Inwardly, I cursed Kwon Hyeri. Telling me to draw up combat and marketing strategy with savage Villains like these. I was no professional counselor and no salesman, and I had no idea how I was supposed to do this job.

Ko Hyeonsik wiped the cold sweat off his forehead and pulled a folder out of his jacket.

“As I mentioned, today I’d like to walk you through your first deployment next week, Queen Crab.”
“Hmph. First deployment, you say?”
“That’s right. All you need to do is proceed in line with the ‘Villain Combat Guide’ set out here. If you meet the bonus clauses, a bonus of up to one million won each is paid out. As I explained last time, a million won is paid for every deployment, and a first deployment pays double, two million won.”
“!?”

I was the one who flinched at Ko Hyeonsik’s words. A million won every time a Villain went out to fight. It sounded too high to be true, until I thought about the money Hero Gamble pulled in. Then it wasn’t strange at all.

Is that why so many Villains sign up? Because the benefits are like this?

Beyond Villain held the most Villains of the three great Villain organizations, and turned up on the news more often than either of the others. So that was the reason. They were buying their Villains with money. And on top of that, a hundred thousand won a piece for clearing a few piddling little clauses?

At the mention of money, Queen Crab blinked rapidly.

“What’s a bonus? There was no explanation like that last time.”
“Haha, I’m sure it was explained last time as well. Please refer to this for the detailed clauses.”
“Let’s see…”

Maybe it was those antenna-like eyes, but the reading took a long time. While they read, I skimmed the clauses out of the corner of my eye. These were the bonuses Beyond Villain’s Villains could pick up over the course of a fight.

I can’t believe there are bonuses like this.

The list left me speechless. Every clause of it weighted, top to bottom, toward brand marketing and combat. Sweep up every last piddling bonus and one deployment could bring in a few million won. No wonder awakened signed up to be Villains, Hero fights and all.

“Can I take this document home to look at?”
“I’m sorry, but that content is confidential. It mustn’t be leaked outside the company.”
“Dammit… There’s so much of it I can’t memorize it all anyway. My memory’s gone downhill ever since I awakened!”
“That’s quite all right. You’re welcome to take your time with it.”

Ko Hyeonsik soothed Queen Crab with practiced ease. Attacking a member of staff meant being pinned by a security robot and processed out of the company without a single won. Abuse and threats, yes; an actual attack, never once.

Doesn’t look like there’s anything that hard about it…

The folder did most of the explaining anyway, and the odds of anyone attacking me outright were slim. Even if one of them did, I had the WD-401 on, so I wouldn’t die. If the job was only this much, maybe I could give it a go myself.

“It says here, combat consultation available on request as needed… what’s this?”
“If you’d like, you can request a combat consultation from me. For now, our analysis is as follows.”
“Analysis?”
“Our team watched your Gift and your combat footage and analyzed your style.”

Ko Hyeonsik wore his sales smile as he showed them the next page of the document. It laid out Queen Crab’s build, skeletal structure and combat style at a glance, along with strengths, weaknesses and points for improvement. The foot of the page read ‘Senior Staff Kim Jihye, Strategic Analysis Office Team 5’, so a Senior Staff member had written it. Had I been promoted to Senior Staff instead, this was probably the kind of work they’d have handed me.

“A bold, hard-hitting combat style using the tough shell and the giant pincers is well suited… That’s a better analysis than I expected.”
“Thank you for the compliment, haha.”
“Hmm… With pincers like mine, I could pound those Hero pricks into pulp.”

— Clack!

Queen Crab worked the pincers as though satisfied. Menacing enough at a glance, the pincers had sharp spurs running along them as well. If any part of a body got caught in between… just imagining it was horrifying.

“Would you happen to need any further combat consultation beyond what’s written in the document?”
“No, this much is plenty. And I’ll win easily enough. Just make sure you’ve got plenty of money ready.”
“Thank you. Then, may we wrap up the pre-deployment consultation here?”
“Sure. I’ll do some combat training downstairs before I head off.”
“We’ll be rooting for you! Thank you.”

He bent at the waist in a bow and walked straight out of the consultation room. I trailed after him, stealing one glance back just before I went. The look on Queen Crab’s face was a good one. Picturing themselves flattening a Hero and raking in a pile of money, probably.

The meeting room door swung shut, and I turned to tell Ko Hyeonsik how much I’d learned.

“Ah, fuck, keeping them sweet is fucking exhausting.”
“…Sorry?”
“Huh? Sorry, Assistant Manager Im. Just talking to myself… Honestly, though, it’s true, isn’t it? How’s some bastard shaped like a crab shell supposed to beat a Hero?”

At some point Ko Hyeonsik’s sales smile had turned into a cold sneer.

“This stays between us, but there’s one formula we never, ever tell the Villains.”
“…A formula?”
“Villains on their first deployment have a survival rate of under fifty percent. Ever heard that one?”
“Ah, n-no.”
“You won’t have. It’s known only to us, the ones who crack the data open ourselves. So don’t go telling the Villains for no reason. If one of them quits partway through, it’s our numbers that suffer.”

He gave my shoulder a couple of pats.

“Just keep them sweet, the way I did back there. They’re meatheads who awakened a Gift and went sniffing around a Villain company on the strength of it, so they can’t tell up from down.”
“…”
“Don’t play up the danger. Be a Villain and you make good money, your life turns around… Talking to them that way actually boosts morale, which is better all around. Got it? I don’t tell just anyone this, but you’re Assistant Manager Im of the two-rank promotion, so I’m telling you specially.”
“Thank you… very much.”

I forced a nod and a smile. I knew perfectly well that what Ko Hyeonsik said came from goodwill, and yet. That phrase, meatheads who awakened a Gift and went sniffing around a Villain company, kept jabbing away at my chest.

“Ah, don’t get too scared, though. If one of the Villains does hit you, that’s actually a good thing. You get the company behind you, squeeze a fat settlement out of them, and paid leave on top of it. I took one myself a while back, and this tooth here…”
“I see. But what happens with my own assignments?”
“Mm… For now the team leader said to work as my junior through the end of this week. From next week you’ll probably be handling about half of mine on your own.”
“Understood. Let’s move on to the next one.”
“Well… nice and brisk, I like it. Hahaha. Next consultation’s in ten minutes.”

A whole week glued to Ko Hyeonsik’s side made me miss Yang Hayun. Still, all I had to do was hold out for a week. With that thought, I set off after him toward the next meeting room.

A few more rounds of it, and the sales pitch dressed up as a consultation turned out easier than I’d expected.

Take away the threats and it really is nothing but explaining things.

The Villains had no love for anyone from the Strategic Analysis Office, but the moment money came up their ears pricked right up. Ko Hyeonsik must have known it too. He never bothered with the back-and-forth and simply pushed the folder at them first. Whatever I made of the man himself, there was something to learn in the way he handled the work. Wearing the WD-401 didn’t make me invincible, after all.

“Ah, fuck!”
“…”
“Ah, sorry, Assistant Manager Im. I’d put a bet on Hero Gamble… Hah, some so-called Hero can’t even take out one Villain who looks like a cockroach. Tch.”

Between appointments Ko Hyeonsik smoked, calling it a break. Breathing the smoke in the smoking room was quite the ordeal. I had no idea how many cigarettes a day the man got through.

“You want a smoke as well, Assistant Manager Im?”
“No, I don’t smoke…”
“Good for you. It’s bad for your health, so don’t start.”
“…”
“Anyway, how is it you’re so good at the gambling, Assistant Manager Im? At a glance you might even be on a par with, what’s his name, that 107 or 108 guy.”
“Sorry?”

Ko Hyeonsik, a fresh cigarette already lit, laughed.

“Come on, you know the one. The guy whose name is up at number one on the Hero Gamble homepage rankings, user_107107.”
“Ah…”
“His return rate hasn’t budged at all. Maybe he cashed out. You really haven’t heard of him?”

He held out his phone screen in one thick hand.

└ vacate the top spot already you b@stard
└ this guy hit no.1 in a week and hasnt moved in days
└ at this point the company def sent an assassin lolol
└ honestly not impossible fr;
└ nah he just took the money and retired, morons
└ starting from just the hundred thousand won they hand you at signup, thats a billion won;
└ nine thousand percent return lolol
└ if it isnt a bug theres no explaining it
└ not a bug thats just skill;
└ does 107 the GOAT look like your buddy or something?

Must be because it’s a monthly ranking. It isn’t coming down.

I’d hit a billion won and hadn’t placed a single bet since, and the top of the rankings was still my own handle, ‘user_107107’. I managed my expression and smiled.

“If I’d made money like that, I wouldn’t be turning up at a company like this, would I.”
“Fair point. Even I wouldn’t work at a dangerous company like this if it weren’t for the money.”
“Haha…”
“Still, a two-rank promotion in one week means you’ve got real ability yourself, Assistant Manager Im. Hm? Got a good tip somewhere?”

He grinned slyly and kept egging me on, but in the end I didn’t spill a thing. Stuck at his side, I hadn’t had time to look at the news or Hero Gamble in the first place. And of all days, my Future Observation had stayed quiet through this one. I was wondering whether I ought to make a point of staring at my phone more often, when.

“Right, this is today’s last client. How about you take this one, Assistant Manager Im?”
“Me…?”
“Doing it yourself is how you pick it up fast. And this Villain’s a fairly quiet one. Trust your senior and give it a go.”
“…Understood.”
“No need to be nervous. Come on, let’s go.”
“Yes. Y-yessir.”

He handed me the folder. As long as I did exactly what he had done, there shouldn’t be any trouble.

Ko Hyeonsik opened a door marked ‘Meeting Room 7’.

…Huh?

Beyond the gap of the opened door sat a woman. Ordinary enough at a glance, except that her hair was extraordinarily long. And every single strand of it was a sharp spine. Long spines had grown in place of hair, exactly like a hedgehog’s.

More a porcupine than a hedgehog, maybe?

A hedgehog has short spines all over its body; a porcupine has long quills trailing down its back and rump. Her spines, too, grew nowhere but on her head.

As I stood staring blankly at her, she drew her shoulders in.

“I-is something the matter…?”
“Ah, I’m sorry. It’s nothing.”
“This one’s on the job for the first time today, hahaha! I’m Assistant Manager Ko Hyeonsik of Strategic Analysis Office Team 5, as I mentioned last time.”
“Assistant Manager Im Taeseung, Team 5.”

I sat down awkwardly. She kept glancing back and forth between me and Ko Hyeonsik, as though her nerves wouldn’t settle. Careful not to stare at her too hard, I took the documents out. Ko Hyeonsik had said she was quieter than the other Villains, and he was right.

“I’ll be walking you through your first deployment, Hedgehoggirl.”
“Yes…”
“All you need to do is proceed in line with the Villain Combat Guide set out here. If you meet the bonus clauses, a bonus of up to one million won each is paid out.”
“Yes…”

Whatever I said, her only answer was that single ‘Yes’. I did wonder whether this was all right, but thanks to it the explanation went smoothly. The whole thing normally takes twenty minutes to deliver, and I’d finished the lot in less than half that. Ko Hyeonsik nodded, looking pleased.

“That’s the end of the guidance. Is there anything you’d like to ask before we finish?”
“U-um, I have o-one.”
“Yes, please ask, and don’t feel awkward about it.”
“It’s… about the combat side…”

She laid a finger on the combat analysis chart in the folder.

“They did film combat footage of me… but I don’t know how I’m supposed to u-use this. I’ve never fired my spines at a person, never hit anyone with them, so how am I supposed to…”
“…”

At her words, I read back through the combat analysis report. The spines’ destructive power was high, but she was short on aggression, low on combat initiative, and easily frightened. Her Potential Villain rank, too, was a distinctly low F.

— Pap-pap.

Beside me, Ko Hyeonsik caught my eye and made a gesture. The edge of his hand drawn across his own throat. The meaning was plain. That’s enough, cut it short. Whatever I said here wasn’t going to help her in a fight anyway, so he wanted me to fudge it and move on.

But…

The hedgehog’s uneasy eyes met mine. If I fobbed her off with some window-dressing comfort, told her the real thing was different and she’d be fine if she gave it her best. Would she really be able to put up a proper fight at all?

Why am I even agonizing over this.

All I had to do was fudge it, the way Ko Hyeonsik wanted. For some reason, my mouth wouldn’t open. Because her situation was like mine? Because she just looked pitiful? Or else…

— Bzzzt—!

Right then my vision blurred and footage appeared.

Hedgehoggirl and… don’t tell me that’s Chain Blade?

C-rank Hero Chain Blade. A Hero who, exactly as the name says, attacks by swinging a whip made of iron chain… A Hero famous for being merciless in a fight, because of some trauma involving Villains.

Damn it.

The footage was showing a TV news broadcast. Chain Blade swung that whip at Hedgehoggirl without mercy, and she only curled in on herself and took it.

Around the time the whip had broken half the sharp spines away. Chain Blade stepped closer and muttered something. And her expression transformed on the spot. The spines hanging there like hair burst out in every direction like grenades.

Insane.

The battleground was blanketed completely in spines, and even the camera on the news screen cut out. And there the footage ended. Every last spine fired off at once, everything around her leveled flat. An absurd attack.

“…How about this, then?”
“Y-yes?”

Maybe this was the ‘key’ that could let her win.