Chapter 28

Dear Sis,

I hope you’re doing well.

I’m turning thirty-six this year.

I wonder if you’re still twenty-one. It’s kind of strange calling you my big sister when I’m older than you now.

I’ve never written you a letter before, and I’m a little nervous, so I thought I’d reminisce about the old days.

Today marks eighteen years since you died. I still remember it clearly. I hated those beautiful cherry blossoms so much that day.

After you finally went off to college, I became the oldest one at home. That’s when our parents suddenly started getting involved in things like university entrance exams, my future, and finding a job, even though it was way too late. I became a complete mess. Even after all that, you didn’t come home. Well, of course you didn’t. I think I caused Dad and Mom a lot of trouble, too.

I spent two years retaking the entrance exams, and finally, that spring, I got into university.

You died.

Just like that. Completely out of nowhere.

I went to the funeral without really understanding what was happening, only to find out that your best friend had died too. Apparently, the two of you had been in a traffic accident. I didn’t really understand any of it. I just stood there, staring blankly at your two memorial portraits.

Even when I saw you lying there without breathing, all I could think was something stupid and childish like, Why is she sleeping?

The following summer vacation, you didn’t come home.

That was when I finally realized you were really gone.

It hurt like hell back then.

I thought you’d be proud of me once I got into university. My university even had a higher academic ranking than yours, you know?

And I got into the College of Pharmacy. Isn’t that amazing, considering how stupid I used to be?

I think I’d probably been planning to get into a good university, find a good job, take you on trips, and buy you things. I wasn’t consciously thinking about it back then, but looking back now, that’s probably what I wanted to do.

But then you died, and I had no idea what I was supposed to do anymore. My goals disappeared. So did the person who’d always supported me. I felt like I was going to die, too.

I wasn’t as kind as you, Sis, and I didn’t have any friends I could really rely on. All those shallow relationships I’d built came back to bite me when I needed someone. But I couldn’t bring myself to rely on our parents either. And even though I had siblings, they were all younger than me.

It was pathetic. I couldn’t let them see me this weak.

Anyway, this is where I’m going to start bragging about my wife.

The person who stayed by my side back then was Haruna.

She’s my wife now.

Haruna and I had been dating since high school, and by the time I entered university, she was already a third-year student. She was so serious and responsible that it was almost weird she’d date someone like me, who looked like a delinquent. She was so cold toward me that sometimes I even wondered if she actually liked me.

But I guess I liked her back then.

I was so out of control that Haruna, who had gone to a university outside the prefecture, actually came all the way back for me.

You were dead, and our whole family was in such a state that everything completely fell apart.

Dad and Mom especially regretted what they’d done.

They realized they’d dumped everything on you without ever appreciating you for it.

I wasn’t considerate enough to deny it. I knew it was true. So I blamed them. I kept blaming them and screaming at them.

You were always struggling.

You gave up the things you wanted to do and took care of us instead.

You quit kendo, went straight to the supermarket, hurried home, cooked dinner, took a bath, and studied.

I screamed, cried, and completely lost it. I started skipping university even though I’d worked so hard to get in. I drank and smoked when I was depressed, but it never made me feel any better.

Then, while I was living that pathetic life, Haruna suddenly appeared right in front of me.

I’m not speaking metaphorically. She really just showed up out of nowhere. She hadn’t even contacted me beforehand.

I’d barely been in touch with Haruna since you died. I hadn’t even told her you’d died.

She silently barged into my room and stood right in front of me like some kind of warrior.

I was so shocked that I froze. Then she slapped me.

I was still standing there in a daze when she suddenly hugged me.

That’s when my tear ducts completely broke.

I bawled my eyes out without caring about my pride or dignity.

God, it’s such a dark chapter of my life.

Haruna likes to use it against me whenever she wants to get the upper hand, too. She’s seriously something else.

But she really did save me.

So don’t worry. I’m taking good care of her.

By the way, our younger brother Yutaro went to university and became a doctor.

Isn’t that crazy?

That little brat who used to have snot running down his nose and did nothing but repeat whatever I said is a doctor now.

Natsumi, the one older than him, got married and had children, and Miyu, the youngest, is a university student now.

You never know how things are going to turn out.

You’d probably be shocked if you could see us now.

After eighteen years, I think I’ve finally settled down.

So from now on, I’ve decided to write you a letter every year on the anniversary of your death.

Lately, I’ve been getting bossed around by my wife more and more.

Our daughter Makiko is seven, and our son Yohei just turned four.

Haruna became even stronger after having children. I’m not happy about that at all, but I guess it’s fine as long as our sons are laughing.

Oh, right. Speaking of which, Haruna found your old game while we were sorting through your belongings the other day.

Why was it hidden between all that stuff like you were trying to conceal it?

Were you really that embarrassed about playing an otome game?

Haruna was surprisingly interested, too, so we decided to play it together.

I think the nostalgia had a lot to do with it.

We played a little, but it wasn’t really my thing.

Well, obviously. It wasn’t exactly made for men.

Haruna kept changing the player name to mine without asking, so maybe the voice was nice, but honestly, hearing it that way was kind of creepy.

She chose this blond guy who looked exactly like a prince.

I forgot his name.

Haruna kept squealing excitedly every now and then, and it really reminded me that I have absolutely no idea what women see in these things.

Still, considering how terrible your luck with men was, maybe someone who treated you that well would’ve been better for you.

I really wanted to go to your wedding.

If I could meet you one more time, I think about it every year on this day.

I’d probably cry first.

It’s embarrassing, so I can only write it in a letter, but yeah.

I’d cry.

Then I’d get angry.

I’d yell at you for dying without permission.

Honestly, I’m still angry about it sometimes. But I know now that feeling that way is just my own selfishness, so don’t worry about it.

I’ve gotten pretty old myself, and I’ve even surpassed your age now, but you’ll always be my big sister to me.

I still want to see you.

I think I could probably talk to you a lot more now.

If I ever go over to the other side, I’d like to meet you again looking eighteen.

There’d be no way I could call some old, wrinkled lady “Sis.”

I’m really happy right now.

And I think you’re the one who gave me this happiness.

Thank you.

I’m truly grateful.

But I’m still pretty immature, so I’ll come see you after I’ve gotten a little older.

I’ve got a wife and kids to take care of, after all.

Well, I’ll write again next year.

Sincerely,

Kyotaro