The Waiter Hides a Laser
8

Chapter 8

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“What are you looking at?”

“…”

I stared blankly at the girl the family head had assigned me as a guide. She was pretty enough, but the cold came off her in waves, and striking up a conversation wasn’t easy. All I could do was walk the streets like that, a little apart and without a word. Then she whipped around on me, eyes blazing, and I looked away before I knew it.

“Hey. You.”
“Uh — yeah?”
“Is it true? You mastered the Divine Art of Untroubled Heaven and Earth in a single day?”
“Uh, yeah. Thanks to you….”
“Hah! Honestly! Ha!”

The girl looked up at the sky, muttering as though she couldn’t believe it.

“You mastered it in a day thanks to me? Are you making fun of me right now?”
“I’m not making fun of you….”
“I must have looked like a complete joke to you. A piddling mind art you could pick up in one day, and there’s some kid who took three whole months at it giving you smug pointers — that must have been hilarious, right? Huh?”
“It’s not like that….”

The truth was, it hadn’t been any tremendous talent of mine that let me master the Divine Art of Untroubled Heaven and Earth in a day. I had been turning her advice over in my head, that bit about remembering the flow, while I called up the path through the meridians Moyong Bi had traced for me that afternoon, and at that exact moment the single bar of battery that had only just finished charging was spent.

Click. With that sound, the path Moyong Bi had drawn was stored away in my head as though it had been photographed. And then it caught hold of the qi I had barely managed to drag out of my dantian and carry as far as the entrance, and whipped it around a full circulation in one go. That was how I completed my first full circulation. By sheer fluke.

Even now, thinking back on it leaves me dumbfounded. Ever since, all I have to do is draw the qi out of my dantian and it goes whirling around the meridians along the stored route by itself and finishes the circulation. It was as good as automatic.

Normally, circulating your qi demands such extreme concentration that you sit cross-legged and don’t move a muscle, or so they say. I had no need of that. At this rate, wouldn’t I be able to complete a circulation while moving?

Once I get a little more used to handling qi. It might really be possible.

I gave the ring a light tap. The spent battery was drinking in the afternoon sunlight, slowly recharging.

What on earth is this thing….

She shot me a sidelong look and said:

“What’s with the ring? It’s not as if you’re a girl.”

I covered the ring and changed the subject as smoothly as I could.

“Anyway. You. I hear you’re not actually a Big Sis?”

That seemed to sting, because she looked away.

“What’s it to you? You don’t call me Big Sis anyway.”
“My name is Moyong Gwang-seon.”

I said it and held out my hand. She looked at it, hesitating, and I went on:

“Father told me we’re family now, so we should get along. Isn’t that why he put you with me for this look around the provincial capital?”

At that she stuck out her lip and, pretending to give in, took my hand.

“…Moyong Rin.”
“So I finally learn your name. Nice to meet you, Yong-rin.”
“Are you an idiot? Moyong is the surname.”
“Ah, sorry. Rin.”
“Don’t say it so familiarly!”
“…Then what am I supposed to do.”

We walked the streets of the provincial capital. Grand houses showed off their splendor down the right-hand side of the road, and on the other a broad river rolled majestically along beneath a bridge. Quite a beautiful sight.

“Whoa….”

I gawked with my mouth hanging open like the country bumpkin I was.

If the boss saw this, he’d have fallen over backwards.

It would have been nice if he could have come along. But his leg still isn’t fully healed, so there was nothing for it.

I’ll look around everywhere first, find the good spots, and bring the boss along.

Our poor boss. A country bumpkin like him has probably never even laid eyes on anything like this. Picturing him marveling and asking how I’d ever found such a splendid place, I felt strangely excited.

And all the while, someone’s eyes were on me, and they did not approve.

“Aren’t you carefree. With the Dragon and Phoenix Conference right around the corner.”
“The Dragon and Phoenix Conference?”
“Don’t tell me you’re going to say you don’t know it. The tournament where the rising generation of every high-flying family in the gangho gather to show what they can do.”

Now that she mentioned it, I think I’d heard customers talking about it.

Was it once every five years, or once every ten?

I didn’t know the details, but it seemed to be a tournament that drew a good deal of attention. Back then I’d let it pass as somebody else’s business, but I had landed somewhere it could no longer be somebody else’s business. Judging by the way Moyong Rin kept at me about it, anyway.

“…So it’s a pretty important event?”
“Of course it’s important! It’s the tournament where the rising generation who carry each sect’s future come out and fight it out for supremacy. They even say that if you watch the Dragon and Phoenix Conference, you can see the next ten years of the gangho. Our Moyong Family’s future is riding on it!”

After that, Moyong Rin trailed along at my heels while I toured the provincial capital, lecturing me on the importance of the Conference for two solid hours.

“All this time our Moyong Family has had to suffer the humiliation of being called the bottom seat of the Five Great Families. Why do you suppose that is?”
“Uh… who knows?”
“Objectively speaking, the Moyong Family is in no way behind the other families. But as you know, our family’s martial arts are a late bloomer’s art, aren’t they? The Dragon and Phoenix Conference, where you have to prove your skill at twenty years old, is desperately unfavorable to us. And so we can never help making a poorer showing than the other sects, time after time, and that is how we ended up saddled with that ridiculous reputation. It’s terribly unfair, isn’t it? Don’t you think?”

That’s odd. I could have sworn she was supposed to be a guide….

“Uncle Moyong Bi was the one bright spot — he overcame every kind of slander and made a real showing at the Conference, but those wicked Namgung Family brats edged him out by a hair and he had to settle for runner-up. Are you even listening to me?”
“Uh, y-yeah.”

Another two hours later.

“…And so it’s only natural that the grown-ups are as worked up about the Dragon and Phoenix Conference as they are. You follow me, right?”
“Yeah….”

…I think my ears are bleeding.

Still, the upshot was that I now understood perfectly clearly how important the Dragon and Phoenix Conference is to the murim warriors of the orthodox sects.

At long last the lecture on the Conference’s importance came to an end, and we sat down by the water and gazed blankly at the rippling river. A quiet settled over us. Before I knew it, the western sky was burning red.

Moyong Rin spoke up out of nowhere.

“I hear Father praised you?”
“Y-yeah.”
“Did he smile?”
“Huh?”
“I’m asking whether he smiled while he looked at you. Like this.”

Moyong Rin hooked her fingers into the corners of her mouth and pulled.

“Yeah. He smiled.”
“How?”
“Wide.”
“Really?”

When I nodded, Moyong Rin hugged her knees and murmured, very quietly:

“Must be nice….”

“…”

Once she went quiet, the mood sank with her. The sunset was behind her, and her face was lost in the red glare of it. Feeling inexplicably sorry, I scratched my head and called over to her.

“Yong-rin.”

She turned her head and looked at me.

“What’s your favorite food?”
“…What are you going to do with that.”
“Just curious.”

Moyong Rin thought for a moment, then said:

“Meat.”
“What kind of meat?”
“Chicken.”

I grinned and got to my feet.

“Order received.”

Moyong Rin just stared at me with a question mark floating over her head.


I bought a chicken and headed home. With a grumbling Moyong Rin in tow, of course.

“I’m busy — why do you keep telling me to come with you?”
“I’ll make you something good.”
“I don’t have time for that. I have to hurry back and train.”
“Even if you’re going to train, you should have a proper meal first.”
“…I can just fill my stomach with a fasting pill and be done with it.”

For all her grumbling, she must have been hungry deep down, because she came trotting right along after me.

As I came into the house, I heard the boss’s voice.

“That you, Gwang-seon? I’m starving to death here. What’s for dinner?”
“A chicken dish.”
“Haha, a chicken dish. Looks like I’ll be eating my fill for once.”

The boss came shuffling out, spotted Moyong Rin, and flinched hard before he remembered his manners and drew himself up.

“Oh my! I’d no idea Miss Moyong had come along with you.”

She waved her hands hurriedly.

“It’s quite all right, please speak comfortably. You’re a member of the Moyong Family too now, sir.”
“Heh heh, the young miss is as lovely in heart as she is in face.”

As if anyone could have doubted he’d kept an inn. The flattery came out of him as naturally as breathing, and Moyong Rin’s face went slightly red. I was watching, fascinated, when she glared at me.

“What are you looking at?”

“…”

Hold on, why is it only ever me….

A little deflated, I picked up the ingredients and went through to the kitchen. I was partway through the prep when Moyong Rin, who had been chatting away pleasantly with the boss, came peering in.

“What are you doing?”
“I said I’d cook for you, didn’t I?”

I could have done the work with my eyes shut. To a rich family’s daughter raised in comfort, apparently, it was quite the marvel.

“Ugh. Gross. What’s that stuff inside it?”
“What do you think? The innards.”
“You don’t eat the innards?”
“You can eat them. They’re just not needed for the dish I’m making.”
“Hmm. Feels like a waste, somehow. Tch.”

…Why is she smacking her lips over something she just called gross?

Moyong Rin didn’t leave; she hovered there watching me trim the ingredients.

“Nothing’s going to waste. I’ll put them out separately, to go with the drink.”
“To go with the drink? You drink?”
“No, not me.”

Right on cue, that layabout Big Bro Un-cheon arrived.

“Sniff, sniff. Something smells good in here.”
“Uncle Un-cheon!”

Moyong Rin went pattering over to him.

“Hm? Rin’s here too. Has word got round already?”
“Word about what?”
“Word that that kid’s cooking is out of this world.”

Her eyes went round at that, and she stared at me. I shrugged and chopped the chicken into pieces.

“I told you, didn’t I. Cooking I’m confident about.”

Big Bro Un-cheon rolled up his sleeves and said:

“Anything I can help with?”
“Could you cut up those vegetables there?”
“Okay.”

He washed his hands, took up the knife with practiced ease, and set about cutting the vegetables. Moyong Rin watched him with startled eyes.

“You’re good at cooking too, Uncle?”
“All I’m doing is cutting things up — how is that cooking? Preparing ingredients is as far as I’ve got. My master still hasn’t given me permission to use fire.”

He nodded toward me as he said it, teasing, and Moyong Rin’s eyes went as wide as saucers.

“Your master? Him?”
“That’s only because you don’t know, Rin. When it comes to cooking, that Gwang-seon kid is a peak-stage master.”
“No…!”

I could feel her eyes on me, her whole face astonished. Feeling rather pleased with myself, I twirled my cooking tools around for show. And dropped one.

“Yikes!”

— Crash-bang-bang!

“…Doesn’t look like it to me.”

I felt my ears going red as I set the wok over the fire.

Big Bro Un-cheon chuckled and asked:

“So then, little master. What’s on the menu today?”

I tossed the trimmed chicken into the oiled wok and said:

“Today’s dish is….”

— Shhhaaaaak—

I shook the wok, hot through now, and for an instant the flames leapt up and put on a spectacular show.

“Kkanpunggi.”1

— Fwoooosh—

“Whoa!”

Moyong Rin let out a cry of admiration.

— Fwoosh-fwoosh—

The wok rocked in rhythm with the snap of my wrist, and the flames swayed and danced along with it.

“Whoaaa….”

I glanced over mid-shake. Moyong Rin was watching with bright, shining eyes, exclaiming over and over.

“Uncle Un-cheon. Is this a kind of martial art too?”

Big Bro Un-cheon watched the flames dancing above the wok, steady-eyed, and nodded.

“It’s a level still far beyond me.”
“If you put it in terms of martial arts, what would it be?”
“Let me see. It’s such a distant level I couldn’t really say. Something on the order of Sword Qi Forming Gang, perhaps.2
“Sword Qi Forming Gang?!?! That high??”

It is not. Nowhere near.


After much asking around, the two warriors of the Demonic Cult arrived at a certain country village.

“A question, if we may. Have you seen a huge fellow built like a bear? Enormous and ugly enough that once you’d seen him you’d hardly be able to forget.”
“Ah….”

Fear settled into the villagers’ eyes, and the two of them clicked their tongues.

“Looks as though he’s been at it again.”
“We’re not going to eat you. Tell us the whole of it.”
“W-well, you see….”

Once they had heard the villagers out, both of them looked thoroughly puzzled.

“Bursting an official’s head open, fine, we’ll grant him that….”
“Wasn’t he supposed to have fought the Cold Moon Wanderer?”

Where had the Cold Moon Wanderer got to, and what was an inn waiter doing turning up in his place?

“He takes the inn’s waiter off up the mountain, and then the Bursting Fist Demon is nowhere to be found and the waiter comes back alone….”
“What in the world happened here….”

The two of them climbed the mountain in search of the Bursting Fist Demon. They combed the direction he was said to have gone, and his traces were not hard to find.

“We’ve got a lead.”
“Nobody but him leaves footprints this big.”

The trail led to the mouth of a cave. A foul stench of rot drifted out of it.

An ugly premonition took hold of them both. Two men had gone up, and only one had come back. And the one who came back had not been the Bursting Fist Demon, but the waiter.

“…Surely not. It couldn’t be?”
“Let’s find out.”

Faces hard, the two warriors went into the cave. Before long they came upon the Bursting Fist Demon’s corpse. A good deal of time had passed and it had rotted; animals had torn at it, and insects were laying their eggs in it.

“Good heavens….”
“What in the world was he brought down by?”

His chest was punched clean through, and inside the hole the flesh was burned black.

“This… what kind of martial art is this?”
“He died without even putting up a fight. Have you ever seen a martial art like this?”
“Of course I haven’t. How could a martial art this vicious exist in the world…?”

They had been through fire and water, and were not the sort to be shaken by much of anything. This time, they could not keep the horror down.

“Who on earth…?”

Whatever had happened here, there was only one witness to it.

“One thing is certain. That waiter knows the answer.”

  1. Kkanpunggi is deep-fried chicken tossed in a sweet, sour and garlicky chili sauce — a Korean-Chinese restaurant staple, and about a thousand years out of place in this kitchen. ↩️

  2. A rung on the murim ladder: the point where a swordsman's qi stops merely coating the blade and condenses into gang — a formed, projected force. It is a very long way above anything a cook should be doing with a wok. ↩️

#8 Chapter 8

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