Chapter 26: Scolding The Paper Men

Carrying a basket of cloth-wrapped large steamed buns, Li Chaosheng strolled home. He happened to pass a roast-chicken shop, so he bought three roast chickens, wrapped them in lotus leaves, and walked back to Dead Street.

He casually knocked on the doors of the leather worker Old Lin and paper crafter Old Qian, leaving a roast chicken and two large buns with each of them, as thanks for this morning’s breakfast and to build some goodwill.

He took the remaining chicken home because Turtle Son had not eaten yet.

At home, Turtle Son was still lying on the bed without moving, as if a monk in deep meditation. A proverb popped into Li Chaosheng’s mind: those who are too lazy to move are all turtles.

The ancients were right. Sure enough, Turtle Son had not moved since Li Chaosheng left. Li Chaosheng set up the table, put the roast chickens and buns on it, then placed Turtle Son on the table, used a small knife to cut off the chicken’s tail piece, and tossed it to Turtle Son. This was Turtle Son’s favorite part.

Sure enough when the chicken butt appeared before Turtle Son, Turtle Son moved. He grabbed the tailpiece in one bite and started eating heartily. Li Chaosheng tore off pieces of bun and ate slowly. When the sun fully set, Li Chaosheng’s chest suddenly stirred and the little black man and little white man hopped out.

“Good evening, Master!”

The two paper men were quite polite, but Turtle Son immediately shrank into his shell and would not come out. Li Chaosheng looked at the two paper men and said, “Tell me, what did you do last night?”

“N-nothing, we didn’t do anything!”

The two little fellows, looking guilty, whistled and glanced upward as they answered.

“Not telling the truth, huh? I’ll burn you both with fire in a minute.”

“No, no, Master, we’ll tell the truth. Yesterday we went to the neighbor, Tanner Lin’s house.”

“And then?”

“Then Little White said he wanted to play with Tanner Lin! I said you can’t play with a living person,” said Little Black as he pointed at Little White.

Little White’s expression changed when he heard that and said, “Fine, brother, you really sold me out. Master, I confess: later we played with the fat man’s corpse at Tanner Lin’s house, but the idea was Little Black’s!”

“Why, you! Little White, you’re a shameless scoundrel.”

“Pah, you shameless wretch.”

“Ah, I’ll strangle you!”

“Come at me then! You think I’m scared of you? Damn you, damn you~”

The two paper men started fighting on their own, rolling and rattling across the table, making quite a scene. Turtle Son curiously poked his head out to watch, but the two little paper men glared at him and spat, “You! Turtle Grandson, what are you looking at? Watch out or we’ll deal with you!”

“Stop, wait!”

Li Chaosheng’s face went dark when he heard the paper men insult Turtle Son. He reached out, seized each paper man by the neck, separating them with one hand apiece. The two little paper men kicked and flailed their small arms and legs, throwing little punches into the air.

“Come on, you think I’m scared of you?”

“And why would I be?”

“Both of you, shut up!”

Li Chaosheng yelled with a dark face, then glared at the two little paper men and said viciously, “What did you just call it?”

“Turt-turtle grandson?”

Before the two little paper men could react, Li Chaosheng said in a grim voice, “I call it Turtle Son, and you call it Turtle Grandson? Do you two want to be my father?”

At that moment Li Chaosheng loomed over the two paper men like a great demon king. The two little paper men froze stiff.

“Uh… Master, it’s a misunderstanding, a misunderstanding!”

“Misunderstanding my foot. Stand on the windowsill!” Li Chaosheng shouted with a dark face.

The two little paper men, like naughty kids, jumped onto the windowsill facing outward. Li Chaosheng added, “Stand apart, face the wall.”

The two little paper men reluctantly separated, then turned and stood facing the window frame. Turtle Son peeked out, holding a piece of chicken tail in his mouth, and his expression oddly showed a human-like schadenfreude.

Li Chaosheng ate a bun and tore off chicken to feed Turtle Son. The two little paper men stood there feeling aggrieved, their small eyes glancing over this way from time to time.

An hour passed. Li Chaosheng had eaten his fill. He tapped his calf with his hand to get the attention of the little paper men behind him and asked, “Do you know you were wrong?”

“Yes, we know!”

“What was the mistake?”

“From now on, we won’t play with the dead anymore.”

“What else?”

“From now on we won’t call him Turtle Grandson.”

“Then what should you call him?”

“Huh?”

The two little paper men fell into thought. If not Turtle Grandson, what would they call him? Turtle? Mud turtle? Softshell turtle?

“What should you call him? Come on.”

“We don’t…we don’t know. Master, give us a hint,” The two little paper men asked tentatively.

Li Chaosheng glanced at Turtle Son and the corner of his mouth twitched slightly, “Call him Big Brother!”

“What the hell? Call it Big Brother?”

The two little paper men were both furious. Turtle Son stuck his head out, stretching it long and proud. The master still cares, he treats me like an elder!

“If you don’t call him that, keep standing there,” Li Chaosheng said calmly.

Hearing it, the two paper men whooshed onto the table. Turtle Son snapped back into his shell in fright, but in the next moment an unexpected scene played out. The two paper men came together in front of Turtle Son, tapped his shell, and said, “Greetings, Big Brother!”

The voices were strong and powerful. Whether sincere or not was another matter, but they were loud. Turtle Son hid in his shell and did not dare to come out. Li Chaosheng tapped the little heads of the two paper men and said, “Do not bully your Big Brother from now on, or I’ll teach you both a lesson.”

“Yes, Master, rest assured. From now on he is our real Big Brother!”

The two paper men said this with smiling faces. Li Chaosheng eyed them suspiciously and said, “Don’t cause trouble, or you’ll never go out to play for the rest of your lives.”

“Yes, Master,” the two paper men echoed him.

Noticing it was late, Li Chaosheng put out the light and prepared to sleep. He soon fell asleep.

The two paper men stood to the side and whispered, “Master~”

Hearing no movement, the two paper men confirmed he was asleep. They then grinned wickedly and approached Turtle Son’s shell, patting it and saying, “Big Brother, come out and play for a bit?”

Turtle Son pulled in even tighter. Do you take me for an idiot?

The two little paper men exchanged a glance, their mouths curling into strange smiles. The next moment they hoisted Turtle Son up and flew it around the room. They zipped and spun and leaped, pulling off all kinds of daring moves. For a while the small room seemed to be filled with flying turtles.

The next morning, Li Chaosheng woke and found Turtle Son’s head drooping long over the edge of the bed like a feeble old man, exhausted and listless with a dazed stare. If drawn as a cartoon, Turtle Son’s eyes would definitely be little spirals from dizziness.

Those two good younger brothers had flown it all night in the room and almost made it vomit its guts. Flying was truly terrifying!