At The End Of The Hand I Grasped

The discomfort he had braced himself for never came—not even a flicker of it.

Instead, he was stolen away by the softness under his touch and by the heated gaze looking up at him. Partway through, he even forgot why he had started the kiss in the first place.

It was a body he had lifted into his arms countless times before. And yet it felt like a completely unknown body. Every point of friction tingled with a sweet numbness.

Kardia was simply lost in it.

Lost—only in Noi.

The instant Noi pulled her lips away and he realized she had not felt the same way as he did, he felt as if a bucket of cold water had been thrown over him.

The heat and happiness Kardia had felt seemed suddenly like a mirage.

(…To Noi, it was just a kiss to confirm something.)

That fact hurt so much it felt like he would be torn in two.

“Good morning, Kardia.”

In the dining hall, where people had started to gather for breakfast, Noi greeted Kardia.

Even though it was only a greeting, Kardia lurched hard.

The jolt made his clothes brush something, and a decorative piece displayed in the corner of the dining hall fell to the floor.

Noi and Kardia both stood there, mouths agape, staring at the pottery that had fallen and cracked into the outline of some once-recognizable shape. Clink-clink… the round handle that had been attached to the pottery rolled down the corridor.

Once Noi confirmed it had finally come to a stop with a soft thud further down the hall, she hurried over.

“W-what are you doing!?”

Kardia stopped Noi just as she crouched to pick up the pottery.

“Hey now, don’t. —You’re such a scatterbrain. Please step back.”

While he spoke, Kardia was already weaving a magic circle. The shattered pottery twirled through the air and returned to its original form. The round handle that had collapsed at the far end of the hall popped back—clack!—into its old place. The piece returned to the claw-foot sideboard, but since “original state” did not erase the damage from before it broke, it immediately collapsed there again with a crash.

“You there, please tidy this up.”

“Understood.”

After calling to a servant who had been waiting on the side, Kardia turned back to confirm with Noi.

“You aren’t hurt anywhere, are you?”

“No.”

“Then, to your seat.”

With a calm face as if nothing had happened, Kardia held a hand over Noi’s back. In that moment, a royal soldier passing by brushed against Noi with a soft thump.

“Whoa… I’m sorry!”

“It’s all right.”

“No, truly—!”

The soldier seemed to be apologizing not so much to Noi as through her to Kardia.

“…My apologies… f-for…”

The soldier’s face was draining of color by the second.

When the bump made Noi lean into Kardia, she noticed the soldier’s pallor and tilted her head. Then, suspicious, she followed his gaze—up at Kardia, whose arm was around her shoulder.

And Noi’s jaw dropped open.

“…Kardia?”

Blinking rapidly, Noi reached up—toward Kardia’s cheek, which was redder than an apple.

But Kardia quickly dodged her hand.

“…Ha… hahaha…”

Letting out a dry laugh, he shuffled backward and fled the dining hall.

Everyone gathered there stared after Kardia, dumbfounded.

Ornis was the first to come to his senses.

“W—what’s wrong with him, I wonder. The master. He must have a fever.”

Ha… hahaha. A dry laugh, exactly like his master’s, escaped Ornis. Seeing that, Aidoni lifted a hand to her lips with an “Oh my.”

“My, how shocking. Are your eyes just for decoration?”

“It’s a fever. It can’t be anything else. Not… this… that’s a lie…”

Called “this,” Noi blinked, tore her gaze from Ornis and Aidoni, and hurried after the door Kardia had escaped through moments ago.

“Kardia.”

He hadn’t wanted her to chase him. He had wanted her to chase him.

Those two contrary feelings nested inside Kardia at once—and then Noi appeared.

He had been sitting on a chair set in the corridor; he stood at once to receive her.

(What is she going to say?)

Awkwardness and embarrassment tangled together.

He didn’t want her to touch on last night. Or on what had just happened.

How many years—how many decades—had it been since he last felt this ashamed of his own blunder?

Noi stopped in front of Kardia, who, made restless by the discomfort, had dropped his gaze.

“Did you… perhaps get wet yesterday?”

“Huh?”

“Your face was red just now. Do you have a fever?”

Standing just out of reach, Noi asked, worried.

Kardia seized the lifeline as if a boat had come to him midstream.

“Y-yes. That’s right. I’ve felt feverish since last night.”

“Ever since we defeated the Demon King, you’ve been pushing yourself nonstop. Come on, I’ll smooth it over for you. Take the day off.”

Noi started walking, away from the dining hall—toward Kardia’s bedchamber. Playing sick, Kardia followed behind her and tried a light joke.

“Will you sleep next to me too, Noi?”

Feeling as if at last he had found himself again, Kardia saw Noi flash a bright smile.

“Let’s not. That would only keep your fever from going down.”

Kardia stopped dead, and Noi let out a small “Ah.” She spun around in a flurry and pasted on a neat smile.

“I ended up treating you like a child! You’re hardly at the age to get overexcited in bed just because I’m there!”

Even as a child, he had never “gotten overexcited” when he slept in the same bed as Noi—but Kardia smiled back, just like her.

“Noi always treats me like a child. It’s troubling, really.”

“It’s true! I really am a hopeless one!”

Ha ha ha, she laughed in a flat, scripted way, and Kardia drew his brows together.

“Noi isn’t a hopeless person.”

“Pick one.”

“Do you dislike me when I’m like this?”

“…So the troublesome one was you.”

Noi smiled, exasperated, and started forward again. He wasn’t used to matching his stride to her small steps.

(I always just lifted her and moved at my pace.)

Last night, he had lifted her again for the first time in a while. It had been unbearable how dear she was to him; he had wanted to hold her forever.

“I, you know—I’m sure I’d like you, no matter what kind of Kardia you are.”

Thinking as he watched Noi’s swaying hair from behind, Kardia was pulled back into the conversation by her voice.

“Even if you weren’t an adult—indeed, even if you stopped being my disciple.”

“Please don’t say things like ‘stop being your disciple.’”

“All right, all right.”

“And what’s with ‘I’m sure’?”

“Sorry, sorry.”

“There’s no heart in that!”

Noi laughed as if none of it touched her. Kardia stared at that back with a bitter feeling.

(I absolutely love her.)

It didn’t reach her at all. It didn’t land.

(Even if Noi weren’t my master—)

Even back when he hadn’t known she was his master.

(I… I’ve been—)

The moment he thought it, memories surged through Kardia’s mind.

They had walked the starry sky hand in hand, looked up at the Phosphora, cried and been cried on, gone to the royal capital together, and slept in the same bed every day.

Kardia covered his face with a hand.

All of it—those were the beloved days he had spent with Noi.

From the instant he learned she was his master, he had somehow felt like the her of his past had been sealed behind a film, a resident of some other world.

But she was Noi Galenée—and she was Noi.

And Kardia surely had been drawn to her even before he knew she was his master.