Chapter 97

“Wait, hold on a second, Blaine.”

Though he was flustered, Theo maintained his composure as best as he could and turned Blaine around to face him properly. As their eyes met, tears like large chicken droppings began to pour from Blaine’s wide eyes. Every single drop felt like a thunderclap striking Theo’s chest.

“What are you talking about? Why would you think that me being comfortable depends on you being close with Daize?”

“Because even you’re being affected by the fact that Daize-nim keeps coming to see me…”

“And?”

“If I’m with him, he won’t bother you during that time… So I…”

“Are you telling me… that was the only reason you were hanging out with him all this time?”

“…As if you didn’t know.”

“What?”

“You knew… you knew I was forcing myself to go out with him… you knew I hated it…!”

Blaine’s voice grew louder, filled with sorrow and resentment. Outside, the sound of someone knocking on the locked door and calling for them didn’t stop. Theo frowned and glanced back at the entrance before approaching Blaine and covering his mouth.

“?”

Startled, Blaine stared at Theo with tear-filled eyes. Theo gestured for him to be quiet, checked the front door once more, and then whispered to him.

“Follow me quietly.”

The place they headed to was the bedroom. They escaped through the bedroom window to the back of the house.

Holding Blaine’s hand, Theo crept through the alleyways to avoid being caught by Daize and headed straight for Blaine’s house. He needed a place where they could talk without interruptions.

The entire time they walked hand-in-hand, Blaine’s hand was cold, damp, and trembling piteously.

Having successfully ditched Daize, they arrived at Blaine’s house without much trouble. Theo nudged Blaine’s back, urging him to open the door quickly. Blaine opened the door with a completely dejected face, and after Theo scanned the surroundings, they hurried inside and shut the door.

As the familiar, quiet, and cool air brushed against his skin, even Theo’s agitated heart seemed to calm down. He took a deep breath, finding comfort in the silence, then looked directly into Blaine’s eyes.

“Blaine, let’s get one thing straight. I wasn’t trying to push you and Daize together for my own sake.”

“…You weren’t?”

“His visits are annoying, but I wasn’t particularly uncomfortable, and I never once thought it was because of you. It never even crossed my mind.”

“Then why didn’t you stop me from hanging out with him?”

Theo wanted to snap back, ‘Am I supposed to be the one stopping you?’ but he figured there was no point in arguing over such details. It clearly meant Blaine had been hoping to be stopped.

“I just… I thought it would be good for you to have a close friend. Personality-wise or whatever…. Ah, I don’t mean your personality is bad! It’s just, you know how they say polar opposites attract? I thought you and Daize might actually get along well…”

As he tried to say everything on his mind, his words wouldn’t come out organized. When Theo started rambling unintentionally, Blaine shook his head and cut him off.

“We don’t match. Not even a little…. I thought you wanted to get rid of me…. That’s why I hung out with Daize-nim so desperately, so that you wouldn’t hate me…”

This time, Theo cut Blaine off and shook his head.

“I’ve never hated you…. And I’ve never tried to get rid of you.”

If his habit of just watching from the sidelines felt like coercion, he was truly sorry, but it wasn’t because he hated Blaine or wanted him gone. It really wasn’t. If he had to, he’d even be willing to bet his nearly finished schooner on it.

Whether he recognized the truth in Theo’s firm expression or not, Blaine’s tears began to flow like a broken faucet. He bowed his head low, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. He felt pathetic for showing nothing but tears day after day.

After crying for a long time with his eyes covered by his hand, Blaine gasped for breath and stammered out his next words.

“I don’t need friends. I really don’t…”

It might have looked like a tantrum or a complaint, but for Blaine, it was a desperate rebellion. Theo, who couldn’t possibly miss that, looked at Blaine with pity before stepping closer and grabbing the arm that was covering his eyes.

“Even so.”

Theo intended to pull Blaine’s arms down and force eye contact to continue the conversation, but Blaine twisted his body and shook off Theo’s hands as if rejecting even that.

“I’m telling you, it’s uncomfortable and I hate it…! If it’s not you, Hyung, I hate everything and everyone!”

Theo, momentarily stunned after being brushed off, stood frozen for a second. As the weight of those words sank in, he grabbed both of Blaine’s arms and pulled him forward roughly.

“Do you… do you even realize what you’re saying? Is that how you’ve been feeling about Father and the other guild members too?”

“…”

Blaine’s lips quivered as he looked at Theo. He then clamped his mouth shut and jerked his head away. His jaw was set so firmly that the line of his profile looked stubborn, but the tears continued to spill over every time he blinked.

The silent confirmation left Theo speechless. He knew he should be angry—he should scold him, tell him he’d end up all alone later in life if he didn’t fix that personality—but for some reason, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Instead, a strange sense of pride swelled in a corner of his heart. If it’s not me, he hates it. He hates it all.

When Theo didn’t say a word or react, Blaine grew anxious and began to sob even more sorrowfully. His gaze eventually dropped to his feet. He screwed up his tear-stained face, trying to force the crying to stop, but the roof of his mouth ached from the effort and his shoulders heaved with every gasping breath.

Moreover, now that he had actually blurted it out, he was terrified. He was scared of how Theo was looking at him now. He felt as if he were being pushed off the surface of Theo’s warmth and sinking into the crushing depths of the deep sea. Leaving the sun-warmed water behind to be swept away by an icy current, the blood in his veins ran cold, and his very mind felt frozen. His jaw began to chatter.

“Ugh, hng…”

Whether it was because his jaw was trembling or not, suppressed sobs leaked through his teeth. Blaine tried once more to wipe his eyes with the back of his hand to hold it in, only to see Theo’s feet take a large step forward until they were right in front of him.

The crying and the tears that wouldn’t stop no matter how hard he tried suddenly snapped shut. Fear of the immediate presence before him overwhelmed his sadness. He was terrified of what Theo would say. He resented his own mouth for mindlessly vomiting out the truth.

Would a barrage of thorny words pour down on him now? Or would Theo simply walk past him and out the door with a cold indifference that held not even a shred of emotion? Either way, it would be hell.

In that silence, Theo took one more step closer. Blaine, his face pale, waited for his punishment, but what returned to him was Theo’s gentle voice.

“I’m sorry…”

“?”

At the unexpected words, his train of thought ground to a halt. He tentatively lifted his head to check if he had misheard, but Blaine couldn’t see Theo’s face. The moment he looked up, Theo pulled him into an embrace. Theo patted the back of the stiffened Blaine, offering him comfort.

“I didn’t know. I’m sorry. You seemed to be getting along with him without saying anything, so I thought you were handling it okay. I didn’t realize you hated it that much. I’m sorry.”

Blaine stood dazed in Theo’s arms for a moment before his face crumpled completely. He desperately threw his arms around Theo, gripping his back and burying his face in Theo’s shoulder.

Then, weeping like a small child, he apologized over and over again.

Each time, the answer came back that it was alright.

Relying on the moonlight leaking through the window, Blaine stared intently at the profile of the sleeping Theo lying beside him. He hesitantly reached out and slipped his hand into Theo’s.

“…”

The warmth lingering in Theo’s palm was transmitted directly to him. Feeling a profound sense of relief that Theo was still by his side, Blaine exhaled a long breath that had been coiled with anxiety.

Not only had Theo forgiven his outburst, but he had even let him sleep in the bed instead of on the sofa. He had told him it was okay, time and time again.

Fiddling with Theo’s hand while spacing out as he watched him sleep, Daize’s question suddenly drifted back into Blaine’s mind.

‘By any chance, are you two… dating?’

“Dating…”

To date meant to like each other. Blaine had been perfectly satisfied with the fact that he could like Theo, even if it was a one-sided feeling. He had no intention of wishing for anything more than that.

Just being near him was overwhelming and fulfilling enough. He only held the vague emotion of ‘liking’ him; he hadn’t planned to do anything about it, nor had he even considered it.

But then Daize had asked. Are you two dating? To date meant to like each other mutually, to become lovers… and for Theo to feel the same way about him.

What would it feel like to give love and receive it in return? What was it like to exchange emotions that weren’t one-sided, but mutual?

And what would happen if he could receive such feelings from Theo, of all people?

“I’m jealous.”

Just thinking about a hypothetical situation that would never happen made him envious of the ‘him’ in his imagination. He felt covetous. He was madly jealous of the imaginary version of himself that had become Theo’s lover.

Blaine squeezed Theo’s hand tight and slowly closed his eyes. He drifted off to sleep, hoping that he might at least see a version of Theo who was his lover within his dreams.

While walking down the main street of Lucilvania, Aslan spotted a familiar back among the crowd. Tight black techwear and honey-blonde hair that looked like flowing honey. To anyone’s eyes, it was Theo. Aslan tilted his head and scanned the surroundings. The man who was always stuck to him like glue was nowhere to be seen. Rare as it was, he was alone.

Judging by the direction he was walking, he seemed to be headed toward the guild house. Aslan dashed over, threw an arm around the man’s shoulder, and asked.

“Hey, how come you’re all by yourself for once?”

“?”

But the man looking up at him wasn’t Theo; it was a stranger. A stranger with the same outfit, same hair, and same height as Theo—no, a stranger who was strikingly similar.