The Perfect (And Completely Not My Fault) Crime

“Never thought I’d see the day I’d be grateful for a downpour.”

“Perfect weather for a kidnapping.”

I got out of the car, opened my umbrella, and looked up at the apartment building that had once been my home.

The one making the ominous comment about it being perfect kidnapping weather was Keiji Nitta.

We had prepared two cars: the rental car I had driven here and Keiji’s car.

A little after the two of us got out, a woman stepped out of Keiji’s car. It was his girlfriend, Nako Arakawa-san, with whom he had somehow managed to make up.

When I asked what they had fought about, he told me she had found his adult-video history and been completely disgusted. I had absolutely nothing to say to that. Apparently, he resolved things by telling her, “Nako-chan is the sexiest one of all.” Why did that work?

Nako-san smoothly stepped beneath Keiji’s umbrella.

“Ufufu. I’ve always been a little fascinated by doing something bad like this.”

“Nako-chan, you’re surprisingly aggressive, huh? That side of you is charming too.”

“Oh, Keiji-san.”

They were as soft and adorable together as ever. She was far too good for that piece of trash.

Also, please stop flirting right beside me. My life bar was dropping at a horrifying rate. I was already down to about the durability of the protagonist from Spelunker.

I slipped a hand into my pocket. Something hard met my fingers. It hadn’t had any use for two years, but I was glad I had kept the house key.

I really ought to teach them that when you fail to collect things like this, scumbags can misuse them.

“Let’s go. We’ll finish this quickly, then grab something to eat.”

“Sabu’s treating?”

“No, we’re going all out on Keiji’s dime.”

“Are you trying to kill me?!”

“Keiji, splurge!”

“Stop turning this into Gambling Apocalypse!”

With Nako-san laughing elegantly a little behind us, the three of us entered the apartment building. The automatic lock posed no obstacle whatsoever. We reached the target residence with absurd ease.

I unlocked the door and went inside. Yūha was standing in the entryway. I had told her to wear something easy to move in, so she was dressed in her school-designated tracksuit, long sleeves and pants. It felt a little nostalgic.

“Good morning.”

She bowed lightly, and Keiji responded by raising one hand.

“Long time no see, Yūha-chan. Remember me?”

“You’re Nitta-san, right? My brother’s only friend.”

“Hey, Yūha, don’t wound me that smoothly.”

Ignoring my protest, Keiji nodded magnanimously.

“Calling me his best friend sounds nice, but Sabu doesn’t have any friends besides me in the first place.”

“…Well, yeah. There aren’t any other choices, so I just call you my best friend for convenience. I’m ready to demote you at any time. Once I make three more friends, congratulations—you’ll officially become a stranger.”

“Don’t say that. I’m sorry, okay?”

When I tried to push him away, Keiji let out a pathetic whine. Did this guy have no desire whatsoever to look cool in front of his girlfriend?

While the two men bickered, Nako-san smoothly stepped forward.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Nako Arakawa. I’m dating Keiji-san.”

“Ah, nice to meet you. I’m Rokurō’s younger sister, Yūha Sanjō.”

“May I call you Yūha-chan?”

“Yes. Um, is Nako-san okay for me?”

“Of course. Whatever you like.”

The two of them seemed slightly awkward with each other, yet also relieved to have another woman there. It probably wouldn’t take long for them to warm up to each other.

“What should I do, Rokurō? I’m still not really ready.”

“Can’t be helped. I didn’t want those two catching on, so I only contacted you at the last minute. That said, you probably don’t want me and Keiji going into your room… Nako-san, could you help her?”

“Of course. That’s why I stayed up all night yesterday finishing my report.”

“Are you a goddess?”

Nako-san made a little muscle pose with her soft smile. Seriously, are you sure you want Keiji as your boyfriend? There are plenty of better men out there, you know? That was the feeling welling up inside me.

“Yūha-chan, may I come into your room?”

“Yes. Please.”

The women went into her room to organize her belongings.

“So, what do we do, Sabukichi-kun?”

“There should be some cardboard boxes in my room. We’ll take those out and start carrying down whatever’s ready.”

“Aye-aye, sir.”

My old room was directly beside Yūha’s. Assuming it had probably been turned into storage by now, I opened the door.

An unfamiliar smell stung my nose. A thick, sweet perfume.

The room was tidier than I had expected. The bed, desk, and bookshelf were positioned exactly as they had been before. But the things inside were now generally more feminine.

“Mom’s using this room now, huh.”

“Well, if they’re talking divorce, obviously they’re not gonna sleep in the same room anymore.”

“True.”

I had told Keiji about what was happening in my family. That said, I had only explained the divorce part and hadn’t mentioned our blood relationship. If he found out Yūha and I weren’t actually biological siblings, there was no telling what he might say.

Ninety percent of Keiji’s brain had been consumed by lewd thoughts, according to an online personality generator, and he absolutely adored the phrase “stepsiblings.”

“So where are the boxes?”

“I shoved them onto the top shelf of the closet. The ones we didn’t use when I moved out. Mom can’t reach up there, so they’re probably still around.”

“Okey-dokey.”

Keiji checked the closet, which had been left open. Almost immediately, his voice came from inside.

“Oh, yep. Here they are.”

While he did that, I casually looked around the room.

“What’re you doing, Sabu?”

“Playing detective. Sorry, but could you start carrying those down ahead of me?”

“Sure. Leave it to me.”

Once Keiji left the room, I could finally go all out. First came the desk. I opened every drawer and checked the contents. Then I moved the blankets off the bed and stripped away the sheets. Nothing there either.

If my knowledge and instincts were correct, I should be able to find it.

The kind of “evidence” that would become a powerful card for what I intended to do next.

I got serious and thoroughly searched the entire room. If I did this in a stranger’s house, it would unquestionably be a crime.

But this time was different.

“Unfortunately for them, I’m ‘family.’ So this won’t get me charged with anything.”

A dark, damp laugh escaped me.

Even if my mother reported me, the police would probably dismiss it as a family dispute. Those two had kicked me out, sure, but they had never completely severed their ties with me.

They had no idea that their own carelessness would prove fatal.

“Found you.”

Once I found one, more kept turning up. It was practically a mountain of treasure. I helped myself to one small item that seemed unlikely to be noticed, then took photographs of the rest in such a way that it was obvious they were in this room.

With this much, I had more than enough to make those two miserable.

Other people’s misfortune was sweet as honey. When it belonged to people you hated, it tasted even better.

I was about to leave the room in an exceptionally refreshed mood when I suddenly noticed a photograph placed near the entrance.

There were three people in the small frame.

In the middle was my mother, much younger than she was now, and in her arms on either side were me and Yūha. Three enormous smiles.

If I remembered right, we had taken it when the four of us went to an amusement park together. Yūha was holding a light-blue balloon.

“…So what?”

I clenched my back teeth hard.

I had no desire to remember happy memories now, of all times.

I also searched the master bedroom, which my father was probably using, and found some equally disgusting things there. I even checked the contents of the trash can, photographed them, and then headed to the living room.

By then, Yūha had made considerable progress packing.

Even though she was leaving, this was a little different from a normal move. She couldn’t take large furniture with her, so it wasn’t especially difficult. After about an hour, it seemed she had managed to sort out nearly everything she needed.

“What were you doing, Rokurō?”

“Burglary.”

“Huh?”

“I was hoping to take anything valuable I found, but there wasn’t anything. Pretty disappointing.”

“Yūha-chan, you can tell he’s lying, right?”

Keiji slapped me on the shoulder. Quit meddling.

“You don’t need to know. As usual, it’s nothing good.”

I met Yūha’s suspicious gaze with one of my own that told her I wasn’t answering.

Though clearly dissatisfied, she nodded.

“This is the last box.”

She pointed toward a box that wasn’t particularly large.

I also checked what had already been placed near the entrance. If all four of us carried one load down, we could easily take everything.

“Keiji, Nako-san, could you two head downstairs first? We’ll be right behind you.”

They nodded and immediately left the apartment. I really did need to thank them properly afterward. Meat would be enough for Keiji, but what would Nako-san like?

“Is there anything I need to do?”

“I want you to write that you’re with me. Without that, the police might start looking for you.”

“Okay.”

I tore a sheet from a notepad and handed it to her with a ballpoint pen.

Yūha quickly wrote at the living-room table.

‘I’m with Rokurō.’

“Is this okay?”

“Yeah.”

I took the pen and added my phone number underneath it. That was everything we needed to do.

We left the note somewhere conspicuous and walked out of the apartment. Naturally, I remembered to lock the door. Wouldn’t want any criminals besides me getting inside.

The rain was still coming down hard outside. The sky was dark and gloomy. Even though it was broad daylight, the streetlights shone brightly.

We took the elevator down and loaded the baggage we were carrying into the car.

I signaled to Keiji, got behind the wheel, and started the engine. Once I pulled away, Keiji’s car followed behind us.

We were stopped at the first traffic light when Yūha spoke.

“You hide a lot of things, don’t you, Rokurō?”

“Impossible. You’d be hard-pressed to find anyone more open than me.”

“But I know you’re doing all of it for me.”

She completely ignored what I said. How cruel.

With no other choice, I shut my mouth and leaned my weight against the steering wheel. The light still hadn’t changed. Since we were about to enter a major road, the red light lasted a long time.

“Someday, if you decide it’s okay… tell me. Otherwise, I won’t be able to thank you properly.”

“You don’t need to thank me. I’m just doing whatever I want.”

“I’m the one who gets to decide that, aren’t I?”

“…………”

She was completely right.

The light turned green. I took my foot off the brake and pressed the accelerator.

Would I someday tell Yūha?

That she and I were siblings with no blood relation.

That she was—

“Fine. I’ll think about it.”

In rain this heavy, there was no way to see what lay ahead.