Have You Liked Anyone Before

As a coroner who had seen all kinds of drama in the autopsy room all these years, in that moment, the only thing that came to Song Caitang’s mind was how these rich and powerful people often hailed from very messy families.

But after observing for a while more, she realized that she had been wrong about them.

Xin Yongwang and Hua Rong seemed to be having an actual disagreement. They were upset with one another and not just having some lover’s squabble.

The pulling of the shoulders irritated Hua Rong greatly. He frowned hard and began to raise his voice, “Does Sister Ye Nan know about this?”

Xin Yongwang was very angry too, but he looked left and right, then said, “Why is that important at all? You mean if she doesn’t know, you won’t do this for her? Hua Rong, weren’t you the one who said you wanted to repay her kindness? Weren’t you the one who said you’d go through any amount of danger as long as it was for her sake?”

Hua Rong stared straight at Xin Yongwang, his gaze clear and his pupils jet black, “So… she doesn’t know, right?”

Xin Yongwang sighed as he folded his arms and frowned. “She’s very upset now and she doesn’t want to think about anything else, so I was thinking of telling her later.”

“You ought to tell her precisely because she’s very upset now,” Hua Rong clenched his fists as he hardened his slightly chubby face. “If you really like her, if you really want the best for her, if you really want to live well in the future, then you should discuss everything with her and be honest with her. Stop pretending to do everything for her sake when you’re actually just fulfilling your own selfish desires!”

Xin Yongwang narrowed his eyes. “So, you’re not willing? You just have to say the word, and Ye Nan could have a better life and the Night Sanctum will have a brighter future ahead, but you’re not willing to do that?”

“Hua Rong, I’ve seriously misjudged you!”

But Hua Rong didn’t seem the slightest bit afraid despite how imposing Xin Yongwang was and even scoffed back. “If Sister Ye Nan wants something, I’ll gladly give it to her. As long as I know she will be happy, I’ll do it. But I don’t agree with your methods. I don’t trust you!”

Xin Yongwang clenched his fists, causing his knuckles to crack loudly.

Hua Rong glared at him fiercely, “Sister Ye Nan is not some frail person who needs you to protect her like this. The Night Sanctum belongs to her, it belongs to those whose surname is Ye, and not Xin! If she needs something, she’ll tell me herself! Who do you think you are!”

“Don’t push your luck!”

Xin Yongwang reached out and grabbed hold of Hua Rong’s neck.

Hua Rong began to choke as breathing became difficult for him. He struggled with all his might, but he simply couldn’t get out of Xin Yongwang’s grip. His breathing became shorter and shorter and his entire face was red. “So… so… these are… your true colors, Xin… Yongwang!”

Xin Yongwang stared in stunned silence at him for a second as he subconsciously loosened his grip. Hua Rong seized the opportunity to push Xin Yongwang away.

“You said you like Sister Ye Nan, but I can’t tell if that’s true or not! What happened four years ago…” Hua Rong panted heavily to catch his breath even as he continued shouting angrily, “can’t be true!! I don’t believe it! I won’t believe it!”

Hua Rong was like a tiny animal that had gone berserk and was baring its baby teeth. He looked fierce, but he was no match for his opponent. Xin Yongwang knew martial arts while Hua Rong didn’t, so Xin Yongwang could take him down very easily if he wanted to.

But he didn’t.

He just stood where he was, glared murderously at Hua Rong for a long time, then suddenly turned and left.

Hua Rong was surprised, but after glaring back at Xin Yongwang’s back for a while, he also turned and marched off without stopping.

They parted ways very unhappily.

Song Caitang frowned slightly and went into deep thought after she had witnessed this entire thing.

So…

Xin Yongwang probably wanted something out of Hua Rong, but instead of asking for it directly, he made use of Ye Nan.

Hua Rong respected Ye Nan, was grateful to her and even had feelings for her, so he was willing to do anything for Ye Nan, but he had doubts about whether Xin Yongwang truly liked Ye Nan.

And actually, Hua Rong wasn’t the only one having doubts. She too…

Xin Yongwang was a little too eager to claim credit and a little too aggressive, but nobody in the Night Sanctum seemed to take issue with it, as though nothing was out of the ordinary.

But that was precisely the problem.

How did such a sharp and shrewd person manage to climb up from the bottom rungs?

The elder sect leader had only one daughter. Wouldn’t he know that he ought to avoid a dangerous character like that?

A maple leaf landed next to her foot. It was a deep red color and the leaf veins could be seen clearly, but the surface itself was matted and the pattern was not clear.

Just like… the hearts of certain people here.

Song Caitang squatted down, picked up the maple leaf, put it in her palm and flipped it again and again as she pondered.

After remaining in that position for some time, a voice broke the silence, “Miss Song?”

It was Ye Nan.

Song Caitang tried to get up, but she could only give Ye Nan an awkward smile. Her legs had gone numb from squatting for too long.

Ye Nan stretched her hand out. “Need me to pull you up?”

Song Caitang smiled. “Yes, please. Thank you.”

Ye Nan did not walk away after helping Song Caitang to her feet. She just folded her hands behind her back and looked up at the sky.

She was a very tall woman with a slim figure. Instead of twirling her hair into a bun like most women and sticking all sorts of hair accessories into it, she only combed her hair into a high ponytail, revealing her pretty forehead and nape, which made her look especially confident and charming.

The strong wind made her dress flap loudly and her hair flew like seaweed in water. It looked as though the wind was about to blow her away.

But Song Caitang noticed none of that. She only noticed her eyes.

They were a little red, a little swollen, and slightly watery.

Ye Nan had just cried.

This young lady… seemed to have nowhere to go.

She did not need anyone to console her, but she didn’t want to be alone and she was good with having a conversation.

So, Song Caitang casually mentioned the person she saw earlier, “Just now… I saw Head Xin.”

The wind made Ye Nan’s voice seem faraway. “Is that so?”

“Miss Ye, what sort of person… do you think he is?”

Ye Nan bent her head to think about Song Caitang’s question. “He’s loyal, hardworking, ambitious.”

Song Caitang frowned slightly.

Ye Nan seemed to have a pretty good impression of Xin Yongwang.

“In the past, I didn’t really like him. He was too focused on results, too ambitious, and wanted too much. But these two months…” Ye Nan thought about what happened recently and sighed quietly. “He seems to have matured and I’m beginning to think that it’s not a bad idea for the Sanctum to have such a person around.”

He had actually matured just within the last two months?

Song Caitang took a deep breath. “What about his weaknesses?”

Ye Nan turned and gave her a puzzled look.

Song Caitang explained, “To me, being ambitious isn’t a weakness. What about his character? How’s his character? Is there anything that makes you feel uncomfortable about him?”

“He’s… too petty? He gets angry easily? He hides too much and doesn’t want to reveal anything about himself?”

Ye Nan randomly raised a few points, then smiled slightly. “In the past, he was also very calculative. But perhaps getting bigger assignments from the Sanctum has helped him to grow up. He’s a lot more magnanimous now, and even though he does make others angry from time to time, it’s not as repulsive as before.”

“Then… do you like him?” Song Caitang looked straight at Ye Nan.

“No,” Ye Nan shook her head. Her voice grew softer, “I’m afraid… I will never like another person again.”

The atmosphere suddenly became a little depressive. Song Caitang held onto the maple leaf and didn’t say anything.

Ye Nan spoke up first, “Have you liked anyone before? Someone you’re obsessed over, someone you hold onto stubbornly, nobody can replace him, and you’re willing to be brave and be resilient because of him…”

Her voice was soft, but her descriptions were strong. Song Caitang’s heart skipped two beats.

Did she like… anyone?

“No,” Song Caitang clutched her chest and shook her head.

Ye Nan raised her chin slightly and closed her eyes. “That’s… such a pity.”

Was it though?

Song Caitang tilted her head. “Seeing how much pain you’re in now, I thought you were going to warn me against falling for anybody.”

“Why would I?” Ye Nan started tearing up, but her lips were curled upward into a smile that was as warm and blissful as the sun in autumn. “Your life is only complete when you like someone.”

“Why do you think those plays like acting out love stories and singing love songs?” she asked Song Caitang.

Song Caitang paused to think. “Because it’s short-lived?”

Even if one had never eaten pork before, you’d have seen a pig run before. She hadn’t been in love before, but she’d heard all about it.

Time and pressures from different aspects of life often weighed heavily on love, causing it to lose its luster, making it look nothing like the way it started, and slowly transforming it into something more like familial love.

The passion of love didn’t last very long, so people tried to hold onto it for as long as they could.

“I think it’s because it’s rare.” Ye Nan smiled and shook her head. “People easily misunderstand their liking for love, but that’s not how it works. Love is a very strong word and it’s very rare. You might go through several lifetimes without meeting the right person, so you end up just living an unexciting life like any ordinary person.”

“Finding someone you really like deep down in your heart is something incredible. It’s a luxury. You might only meet this person once after being reincarnated several times, and after that, you never meet such a person again. Your life will become exciting and fulfilling because of him, it will be full of energy and ups and downs. Not everything he brings you will be beautiful, though. You might go through great pain, you might have regrets, you might find life ahead difficult to live. But I would prefer that over a mundane life.”

“It makes me feel like I’m alive.”

After Ye Nan finished speaking, she let out a long sigh and looked at Song Caitang. “I’m sorry, did I say too much?”

Song Caitang shook her head. “Nope.”

She started wondering what sort of person Liao Xingjian must have been.

Ye Nan was no ordinary girl. If Liao Xingjian could make her miss him so much and gave her such a beautiful picture of love, he must have been no ordinary man either.

Did her pain come entirely from Liao Xingjian’s death, or from Xi Rui, or from something else?

“When you meet that person, you will understand what I mean,” Ye Nan smiled and sighed. “There are thousands of different wines in the world. I have a lot of work in the day, sometimes I have to physically fight others, sometimes I have to scheme against others or work hard to achieve my aim, sometimes I have to hold back my temper or willfulness in order to survive. But when I sit down at night next to him at the window, look up at the moon and take a sip of wine, that’s the tastiest wine in the world.”

“It’s too bad that… we can’t turn back time.”

Ye Nan’s eyes seemed to redden again.

Song Caitang suddenly went into a daze.

Ye Nan definitely loved Liao Xingjian and she loved him very dearly. But their love was mixed in with many other complexities which she couldn’t really understand.

How much of a torture was this little thing called love?

“Thank you for listening to me say so much, I really should treat you to some wine,” said Ye Nan quietly. “But the wine at this time of the year is very bitter and doesn’t taste good, so I’ll treat you some other time.”

Ye Nan had appeared out of nowhere, said a whole bunch of random things and walked away just like that. Some might have found her strange, but Song Caitang didn’t think too much about it.

Every person’s response to a loved one’s death was different and they expressed it differently too, so it was necessary for each person to find the right way to express themselves. She was glad to be of any help to Ye Nan.

Song Caitang went back to inspect the body one more time, then went to take a look at the scene of the crime again. Several thoughts filled her brain and some things slowly began to rise to the surface.

She felt like… she understood some things now.

And she also knew what she needed to do next.

It was very late by the time she returned to her room.

She noticed a plantain lily sitting in the vase by the window. Its clean, white petals were slightly wet and looked fresh and beautiful.

A box of snacks sat on the table. It was a small, square box that was red in color with some gold paint. It was very intricately designed.

Did Guan Wan leave this here?

But this wasn’t her style…

Zhao Zhi?

Was it him?

That name suddenly came to mind.

She couldn’t help but look around. Was he here?

But there was nobody in the room and it was completely silent.

She suddenly realized she was being silly. Zhao Zhi was in the capital city and couldn’t possibly know that she was here, much less come over to look for her…

Her fingers subconsciously reached for the short flute on her belt and rubbed it gently.