Kill Me

“What did you just say?! Explain yourself!” Zhuang Qingyu yelled, like something had just exploded

“I said…” Ye Nan tilted her head to catch her breath, then turned back and smiled bitterly, “the person who saved you 13 years ago on the night of the Ghost Festival was probably me.”

“I was young and immature… I loved to play and I loved sneaking out on my own, but I never allowed anybody to take the blame for me. If I was just running around the Night Sanctum, I could get Hongfeng to keep watch for me and nothing bad would happen. But if I left the sect grounds, then… there was more to think about.”

“Hongfeng was a very honest girl who never thought badly of anyone. If she met with danger, she was bad at adapting to the situation. She’s one of mine, so I would definitely take good care of her. If I got into trouble, I would never make her take the blame for me. I would face the consequences myself.”

“That night, I beat someone up and offended the leader of that area. I knew things were going to get ugly, so I got Hongfeng to leave first. She was loyal to me and didn’t want to leave, so I convinced her by saying that she could help to mislead the enemy by exchanging identities, so she can wear my clothes and claim to be me while I escape, and she was convinced to leave. Meanwhile, I disguised myself a little, then ran around all by myself and created a bit of chaos along the way. Then, I ran into a random house and found a water dungeon in the backyard…”

Her voice was very soft, but each word she said seemed to hit Zhuang Qingyu’s heart like a hammer.

“No… I don’t believe this…”

Ye Nan didn’t care if he believed her or not. Her eyes were slightly shut as tears slowly rolled down her cheeks.

“When Hongfeng died, I made up this lie in order to protect her reputation. Xingjian didn’t agree with my methods and I even got angry with him. But now, I get it. There are some things in life… even if you had good intentions, kind intentions, you really can’t afford to be too naïve… the lie I thought to be beautiful… I should have just told the truth.”

“I… I was the one who brought this upon myself, and brought this upon Xingjian.”

Zhuang Qingyu glared at her with a nasty look on his face. His fingers started to tremble. “I don’t believe you… I don’t believe you…”

Ye Nan looked at him, her pale lips completely void of color even though she was smiling. “You had practically nothing on and you had a bald patch on the left side of your head. I had to take off my cloak and pull it around you so that you wouldn’t look so pathetic… I asked you for your name but you didn’t want to tell me. I pulled out a snack I had hidden in my sleeve but you refused to eat it. I told you it was fresh and wasn’t leftovers, but you still refused… That was when I realized how sensitive you were, how little you trusted others, that you would never tell someone else what you really think… I didn’t expect you to now be…”

More and more tears streamed down her face and she could barely speak.

“I… I regret it now… I shouldn’t… have saved you… I should… have left you there… to die…”

“The worst thing… I’ve done all my life… was to save… save one person… and destroy my life…”

All the details she mentioned were correct, including what words were exchanged. Zhuang Qingyu couldn’t lie to himself anymore. He started shaking all over and his face was as white as a sheet.

“No… Ye Nan… you…”

His hands trembled violently as he tried to pull his sword out so as to release Ye Nan, but he had stabbed that sword so hard that it not only went through Ye Nan’s shoulder, but it also went through the pillar behind her. Without sufficient strength, he couldn’t get it out at all.

And any attempts to do so would only make things worse for Ye Nan.

“Tsk…” Ye Nan scoffed as she used her free left hand to grip Zhuang Qingyu’s sword and used all her strength to pull it right out.

The sword came out, but both her shoulder and her hands were covered in blood. Despite that, her expression did not flinch, as though she couldn’t feel pain.

“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean for things to turn out like this…” Zhuang Qingyu’s Adam’s apple trembled as though he was frightened by the amount of blood, or like he was ashamed of what he had done. He didn’t dare to look at Ye Nan at all. “I… I really liked you.”

Ye Nan chortled. “You liked me? Do you even know what it means to like someone? Did you ever tell Hongfeng who you were, about what happened back then, about how grateful you were? And how much do you even know about Hongfeng? Do you know what sort of person she was? Or the sort of life she’s lived? Or the experiences she’s had?”

It was clear from his reaction that he hadn’t done any of these things.

If he had done any of them, things wouldn’t have turned out like this.

Ye Nan dragged herself a step forward. “Liking someone means you’re willing to be honest with each other, to share your deepest thoughts, to cherish one another, to trust one another, to know exactly what the other person is like, to want to walk with the other person despite their shortcomings and never leave their side.”

“Would you have dared to do that with someone else, Zhuang Qingyu?”

“You were envious of someone else’s relationship, and you thought that since someone had been kind to you before, you could enjoy something like that too. But you didn’t want to manage it or pursue it at all. You just thought in your heart that you liked this person. But you don’t dare to let yourself go at all. You don’t dare to try and understand another person, to convince someone to accept you as you are, to be vulnerable in front of someone else. You’re afraid that the other person might not like you at all.”

As she spoke, she took a step forward. And with each step she took, Zhuang Qingyu took one step backward.

Every sentence, every word she said, hit Zhuang Qingyu hard on the head. Everything she said was painfully accurate.

“And you were right, Zhuang Qingyu! I wouldn’t fall for someone like you! And nobody else would!”

“I saved you back then not because you were special, but because it was convenient. Even if I happened to come across a beggar, I would have saved them.”

“The reason why you suffer from an unrequited love is not because someone else took that chance away from you. It’s because you didn’t put in the effort! You’ve never seized the chance and you just blamed the problem on someone else!”

“You seem like a lofty, confident gentleman but you’re actually very weak and selfish. You’re a pitiful man. You have no friends, no family, you’re a loner whom nobody will remember even if you die… Why didn’t you just die when your sect was in chaos!”

The one thing he had believed in all his life, the fact that he had destroyed the person he had thought of as his savior and hope…

The facts had been laid bare. There was no way he could deny it anymore.

Zhuang Qingyu broke down.

He fell to his knees, his expression crestfallen. He picked up the tip of Ye Nan’s sword and said, “Kill me. Kill me!”

But Ye Nan moved her hand slightly and got him off her sword.

“I don’t want to dirty my hands.”

Zhuang Qingyu’s eyes widened as a wave of terror overcame his heart.

She… didn’t even want to bother with killing him.

“AHHHHH!!!” he let out a cry that sounded like he was in physical pain, but it also sounded like a cry of grief.

Ye Nan walked past Zhuang Qingyu and moved toward the crowd.

She believed that letting Zhuang Qingyu live would be a greater punishment than killing him now.

Also, even though Zhuang Qingyu was the one who actually killed Liao Xingjian, she had turned out to be the reason for that…

There was nothing that made her more upset than that.

She was going to bear the guilt for that for the rest of her life and use her life to redeem herself.

Now that the case had been solved and the truth had been revealed, plus everyone was done watching the show, the crowd began to react to everything they had seen.

Song Caitang glanced at Zhao Zhi. He took her hand and led her away from the center of it all. His stance was clear – he didn’t want to interfere any further.

Xi Rui moved faster than anyone. She quickly picked up her skirt and started running.

Ye Nan waved her hand and members of the sect immediately gave chase, then pinned her to the ground.

Xi Rui was no longer that sharp-tongued woman whose words pushed people into a corner. She could barely even speak now, never mind hurl insults.

But when a sword was placed on her neck and a puddle appeared beneath her skirt, she trembled and began to plead, “I beg you… spare me… Zhuang Qingyu was the one who told me to do this… it wasn’t from me…”

The worst of the pain had passed and Ye Nan had quickly bandaged her wounded shoulder. “Besides saying nasty things and making my life difficult, you haven’t done anything to actually hurt me, so I won’t kill you and I’ll actually let you go.”

Xi Rui lit up. “Thank you, Sect Leader! Thank you, Young Mistress!”

Ye Nan went on. “You must leave this place, but you are only allowed to live and work within five miles of the Sanctum. If you dare to even set one foot over that boundary, you will be killed without question.”

Xi Rui swallowed. Five miles of the Sanctum… was still within the sect’s territory.

“From now on, you are only allowed to use your two hands to make money. You are not allowed to use schemes and you are not allowed to sweet talk men into giving you money. If you are caught disobeying these rules, you will be killed as well.”

Xi Rui got it now.

Ye Nan was truly ruthless!

In short, Ye Nan had cut off any alternative plans she would have come up with. The members of the sect would be able to watch her easily, she couldn’t go anywhere out of their sight, she was only allowed to do menial work to earn money, and she wasn’t allowed to sweet talk men into giving her money?! She was terrible at cooking and didn’t even know how to sew. The only thing she had was her pretty face! What was she going to do if she couldn’t rely on men?

Where would she get money from? She was going to die of starvation at this rate!

“Xin Yongwang.”

Ye Nan walked toward him.

“If you were not one of my sect members, like Zhuang Qingyu and Xi Rui, I wouldn’t do anything to you. But you are my subordinate. My fellow brother in the sect.”

“As martial artists, we don’t care much for formalities and the Night Sanctum doesn’t have many rules. But the first rule is to never betray the sect. You must never betray your brothers, and definitely, definitely, never betray the sect leader.”

Ye Nan stared quietly at Xin Yongwang. “You stole something from Liao Xingjian, made up lies, used those lies to trick me and threaten me – those are all deeds worthy of death!”

Before she could say the word death, she had already raised her sword and swung it toward Xin Yongwang.

Of course, Xin Yongwang wasn’t going to just stand there and let her attack him, so he quickly turned to run. But Ye Nan had predicted that, so she rotated her wrist slightly and turned so that she positioned right in front of the direction he ran toward.

The sword made no sound.

Xin Yongwang collapsed onto the ground.

Blood quickly drenched the ground.

After all that was done, Ye Nan went to carry the child that Zhao Zhi’s guard had been holding all this time.

The child struggled a little when he saw the blood on her, but it was just for a short while. He didn’t seem scared and fidgeted for a bit before settling down comfortably in her arms.

He reached out to gently touch her shoulder. “Pain?”

Ye Nan shook her head as tears rolled down her cheeks even though she was smiling. “Not at all.”

In no time, Ye Nan realized that the child was turning paler and paler as he smelled more blood and spotted the dead bodies on the ground.

It wasn’t that he wasn’t afraid, but he was afraid of hurting her, so he did not cry or make a fuss.

He was so considerate despite his young age. Just like his father.

Ye Nan cried even harder and pressed the child’s round head gently against her good shoulder. “You are mine and Xingjian’s son. How could you be afraid?”

“Be good,” she gently patted his back, “I will be with you as you grow up and teach you everything your father would have wanted to…

At one point in time, Ye Nan had been trapped in emotional turmoil because the most important relationship in her life had broken down, so she had lost any reason for hanging in there. But now, even though she was badly injured and her shoulder was still bleeding, she carried her child confidently, her back straight, her footsteps resolute.

Song Caitang felt like she embodied the words “all mothers are strong”.

Ye Nan had become more resilient, more resolute, and able to move forward without looking back.

She might have gone through great pains and her journey ahead would be tough, but Song Caitang believed that Ye Nan would have a wonderful journey.

That night, the lights within the Sanctum remained bright for a long time. Everyone was very busy either attending to the injured or cleaning things up.

The case had come to a close, so Song Caitang could breathe a sigh of relief. But even though she had uncovered the whole truth, she didn’t feel very happy at all.

Sometimes, situations ended in tragedy just like that. If everyone had put in more effort, or if they had done their part, they could have avoided disaster. Yet…

Zhao Zhi continued leading her toward her residence. “What are you thinking about?”

Song Caitang sighed. “Why can’t people just… live more honestly?”

“Perhaps… it’s because they’re just human.”