Under The Moonlight (1)

Song Caitang spent a little too long in the autopsy room. By the time she came out, she realized that the sun had moved quite a lot through the sky.

The first person she saw after turning the corner along the corridor was Gan Zhixuan.

He was sprawled on the steps, his robe hems stained with mud and his shoulders were shaking. It was as though he had no more strength to climb the stairs and was crying his eyes out.

He was too overwhelmed by grief. His cries were filled with sadness and sounded so tragic, but not loud. He was shaking harder than he was crying.

As he cried, he wailed, “Mother… Mother… Mother…”

Song Caitang realized that the administrators must have told him to come and pick up Fourth Missy Gan’s body since he was family of the deceased.

Over the last few days, his world must have turned upside down. He had gone through so much at home already, then heard the shocking truth in the hall earlier today. The fact that he was still able to get himself here to take his mother’s body home was already a miracle in itself. Or at least, Fourth Missy Gan hadn’t given birth to this son in vain.

“Mother…” Gan Zhixuan used every ounce of energy he had, but still couldn’t get to the next step, so he just stopped where he was and scratched hard at the floor.

“I finally understand why you refused to let me search for my father, why you refused to let me travel to Bianliang… Why you always said that the life of the rich was not always as good as it seemed, that it was like staring at the reflection of the flowers in a mirror, or the reflection of the moon in the water… That living an ordinary life wasn’t necessarily a bad thing… It turns out that aristocrats, the count’s household… turned out to be such a mess, such a filthy, revolting place… But I didn’t know anything… I was so pleased with myself, I thought I was one of them… I thought I deserved it…”

“I was wrong, I was so wrong… Why didn’t you beat me! Why were you still so kind to me! I wasn’t worth it! I wasn’t worth it!”

His voice was hoarse and he didn’t speak loudly. He wasn’t saying this for others to hear him. These were words that flowed out sincerely from the bottom of his heart. He beat his chest and stomped his feet to express anger with himself. It was such a tragic sight to behold.

“I shouldn’t have been your son… I brought you down, I brought you harm, and things have ended this way… Why were you still so kind to me? Other mothers would have hit and scolded their sons for being disobedient, they would have blamed them for being unfilial… But no matter how hard our circumstances were, you always smiled gently at me and said that everything was going to be fine because I have you…”

“I… must have disappointed you terribly, right? You were so clever, so I’m sure you were very disappointed… But even though I was a disappointment, even though I was so useless, you didn’t abandon me… You continued to give in to me, to protect me…”

“But why! I didn’t deserve that!”

Gan Zhixuan cried so hard, his voice seemed to be seeping out from his very soul. “I regret it now! Mother, forgive me, won’t you? Come back to me, won’t you? Let’s go to Luanze, or some other small place, and live happily together, alright?”

He seemed to have found a little strength now, so as he cried, he crawled up the steps and went straight to the mortuary. His eyes were fixed on the room and he didn’t notice Song Caitang standing by the side at all.

Or perhaps he saw her but didn’t care.

It had come to a point where he no longer feared anything.

“Mother, wake up, won’t you? Don’t just leave me here…”

“If you’re gone, what am I going to do all by myself? Everywhere I go, I’m faced with people who are waiting to take advantage of others, to bring harm to others. Nobody is willing to offer kindness at all. If you’re not around, what do I do when I’m cold? When I’m hungry?”

“Won’t you miss me or be sad if you’re alone on the other side and you don’t get to see me?” Gan Zhixuan’s palms were covered with blood and his nails were torn. It should have been very painful, but he didn’t seem to notice at all. His legs didn’t have the strength to stand, so he continued crawling.

He crawled up the stairs, down the corridor, into the room and all the way to the table his mother’s body was lying on.

“The trees wish it was quiet, but the wind refuses to stop blowing; children wish they could show care and love to their parents, but their parents can no longer receive it…”

“I’ve memorized this poem so many times, yet I’ve never really understood the true meaning behind it. I’m really an idiot with no talent and no achievements… But because of you, I had a place to go, a place to return to. I knew there was a place to return to every day, I knew there was a place that belonged to me no matter what… but now… where can I go?”

“Mother… I was wrong! I’m really repentant now! I’m not asking for your forgiveness, I’m just asking that you turn and look at me just once more! To light a lamp at night for me, to illuminate my path… Mother, don’t despise me, please? I will be good, I will listen to you…”

The sobs and wails inside the mortuary were like the wind in the middle of winter. It was a chill that reached one’s heart, an iciness that ate into one’s bones.

But those who had passed on could never come back to life.

No matter how upset and how repentant Gan Zhixuan was, Fourth Missy Gan could never respond to him ever again.

It didn’t matter how sad he was or how hard he cried. Nobody’s heart would go out to him, feel bad for him, or wipe his tears.

“Mother… Wait a while for me, alright? In our next life, let’s be mother and son again. But this time, I’ll take care of you. Alright?”

“We’re in the courthouse, a place where the officials work, so I’m sure you’re very uncomfortable staying here. I’ll take you away right now, alright? Don’t worry, we’re not returning to the Count of Peace’s residence. I’m your son, so I know how much you hate that place. I only have a mother, I don’t have a father.”

“I won’t let that Madam Wei’s presence irritate you either. I’ve already found you a good resting place. It’s in front of beautiful mountains and surrounded by water and greenery, so I’m sure you’d love it. I’ll send you there now and make sure nobody ruins your journey.”

“I’ll accompany you from now on and we’ll live together happily in the countryside, alright?”

Gan Zhixuan cried for a long time inside the room, then fell silent for a long time as well, before he finally pulled the cloth back on his mother’s face and said his last goodbyes.

After another long period of time, he finally managed to stand up. He went out to call the men he had hired for the funeral procession to help with the body.

Song Caitang did not leave this whole time. She stood at the other end of the corridor and watched everything.

Humans were always so strange. They always only learned how to cherish others after they had missed their chance to, after they had lost that person. They always had to go through deep pain and loss before they could see things for what they were and rise again from the ashes.

If Gan Zhixuan was able to really straighten his thoughts out, understand who he really was, then his mother would certainly feel comforted where she was.

…

Since Fourth Missy Gan’s son had arranged for a funeral, Song Caitang quietly walked around the crowd and left the courthouse without a word.

The case was solved and she had nothing urgent to attend to, so she walked very slowly.

When she approached the gate to the Count of Peace’s residence, she stopped and turned to enter the house.

Zhao Zhi and Wen Yuansi were done here and had already left. The gate and doors were left wide open, yet it was silent, as though it had been abandoned.

And in the midst of this sad silence, Madam Wei’s shrieks sounded exceptionally piercing to the ear.

“My son! My son! Why was your father so cruel! How could he really have killed you!”

She cried as she screamed, her voice containing grief, anger, regret and more.

Song Caitang frowned. The one and only heir to the count had really died?

She picked up her skirt and walked further in. A guard left behind to take care of things recognized her, so he walked over to whisper what happened to her.

It turned out that Zeng Deyong had been telling the truth earlier. He had actually poisoned his only official heir, his son with Madam Wei. The poison had taken effect when Zeng Deyong and Sang Zheng died in the hall and the boy died.

Zhao Zhi and Wen Yuansi had already confirmed that Zeng Deyong was indeed the one who kidnapped his own son and fed the boy poison. There were no suspicions surrounding that matter.

Madam Wei couldn’t accept the truth. She hugged her son’s body and refused to let anyone come near her or touch her. She had already cried for a long time and didn’t look like she was going to stop anytime soon.

“Zeng Deyong… How could you do this to me? Back then, we were so close, as though we were the same person… Back then, you foolishly climbed a tree to pick a peach blossom for me, just to make me smile. How… How did we get here?”

Madam Wei was on the floor, her beautiful dress crumpled and covered in dust. Her perfect hairdo was no longer tidy and her pins were crooked. She looked like a mess.

She seemed to find it hard to understand what just happened. She was in a daze and looked somewhat confused.

“In the past… you made some mistakes and so did I, but the child was innocent! What did he do wrong? He had no idea about any of this and had always seen you as his father. He sincerely loved you, listened to you, was filial to you! How could you have the heart to actually kill him! How! WHY!!!”

Her eyes were bloodshot and she started sounding a little crazy now. “I was the slut, I was the shameless one, I was the one in the wrong, so I ought to be the one to die! Kill me! Kill me instead! Don’t kill my son, don’t kill my son…”

“So it’s true that men are all awful! You lied to me and so did Sang Zheng! I shouldn’t have trusted you in my younger days, and I shouldn’t have trusted Sang Zheng after I got married! Both of you destroyed me! It’s your fault! The ones who should die are both of you!”

Just then, the sound of funeral music came from outside. The cries of a man grieving were loud and sounded really sad.

Anybody who was familiar with that voice would know who was outside.

It was Gan Zhixuan!

His mother’s funeral procession was passing by this house!

Madam Wei looked up with a start. Her eyes were filled with hatred.

Song Caitang immediately went ‘oh no’ inside, but before she could run over, Madam Wei had already dashed out of the house.

She had no choice but to run after her while yelling for the guards to come along, just in case the situation suddenly worsened later.

Gan Zhixuan had meant it when he said he was not going to bring his mother’s body back into the count’s residence. He was really headed for the grave that he had prepared. It was just that he didn’t actually have a choice. Regardless of which route he chose, he would have to pass by the count’s residence.

When he saw the residence from afar, he even came close to the coffin and whispered, “Mother, I know you don’t like this place, but we have no choice but to pass by it today… Don’t worry, I’ll listen to you and I won’t be foolish anymore. I will never step into this house again for the rest of my life, so don’t worry…”

As he said these words, he couldn’t help but think of the past. His heart was overcome with emotion and he burst into tears again.

That was the sound that made Madam Wei dash out of the house.

Madam Wei ran out of the gate and saw Gan Zhixuan with the coffin. It was obvious who lay in that coffin.

She still had her initial impression of Gan Zhixuan and she had no idea that his thinking had changed. She thought that he was here to fight for the count’s assets.

“Gan Zhixuan! You can forget about it!”

She stood with her hands on her waist as she screamed in such a fierce and unreasonable manner. She didn’t look anything like an aristocratic woman from a prominent family, and most certainly did not look like she used to be the prettiest young woman in the city.

“So what if Zeng Deyong is dead? So what if my poor son is dead? As long as I, the official wife of the Count of Peace, is alive, you can forget about inheriting any part of this household!”

Her threats were not only for Gan Zhixuan, but for someone else too. “And that illegitimate son from nowhere too! You can forget about it! Who knows if he’s the son of the count at all? He might be an imposter! Someone else’s bastard child! All of you can forget about stepping into this house!”

Madam Wei’s shrieking had successfully interrupted the funeral procession. Not only had she stopped them from proceeding, but she had also caused the music to stop. Everyone kept quiet and listened to her screaming.

“I don’t want it anymore.” Gan Zhixuan’s expression was calm. His voice was hoarse and he did not speak loudly, but almost everyone heard what he said.

Madam Wei’s eyes were wide and round. She clearly did not believe him.

“It’s so ironic. I only understand who I really am and what I really want after such a thing has happened…” Gan Zhixuan bowed his head and looked down at his white funeral robes. “My mother is no longer alive, so why should I care for any of this? My mother will not be able to enjoy it.”

“I will never set foot inside the Count of Peace’s residence ever again. Once I’m done with my mother’s funeral, I will not return to Bianliang ever again.”

He looked up and stared straight at Madam Wei quietly, the huge gates of the count’s residence reflected in his eyes. “You can guard this filthy place all by yourself.”

Madam Wei was still doubtful. “You really don’t want it?”

“That’s right. I don’t want any of it. You can continue living inside and guard your useless wealth while waiting to die.”

Gan Zhixuan’s gaze was a little nasty. Besides sounding sarcastic, he also sounded like he was cursing her.

He had not forgotten that this woman was the one who placed the aphrodisiac incense inside that room.

Even though Madam Wei was not the one who killed his mother, it was still connected to her. He hoped that this woman would stay well and alive for many years to come, and wished that her days would become worse and worse, become uglier and uglier, and that she would regret what she did more and more each day.

After he finished speaking, he turned around and gave the procession a hand signal to continue. In no time, funeral music filled the air again. The procession carried the coffin alongside Gan Zhixuan and they slowly walked away.

Gan Zhixuan not only lost his desire for wealth and power, but he had actually become a stronger and more mature person. That made Madam Wei look bad.

But she refused to back down. She clutched her handkerchief and swore through gritted teeth, “Even if I have to die, I’m going to die a rich person! I’m going to die in comfort and have servants by my side at all times! I’m not going to end up dying poor like you! I’m not going to die from a lack of food and clothes without anybody knowing about it, like your useless mother!”

…

This was a drama that left everyone with a bitter taste in their mouth.

All sorts of people made up this world. You could find more of each character in any part of the globe.

Each time Song Caitang closed a case, she would have a greater understanding of how kind and how evil people could be, as well as how they were sometimes agitated or matured by the extreme circumstances they were thrown into.

She stood where she was for a long time before she finally straightened her dress out and headed home.

The home was harmonious as always. Guan Qing was still busy both inside and outside the house and a pile of ledger books was stacked high on the table. She didn’t even have time to look up. Her grandmother was still enjoying tea while listening to someone read stories to her. She would reach into her drawer from time to time to steal a candy. Guan Wan sat on a chair next to their grandmother and spoke to her while preparing ingredients for cooking. The pile of ingredients on the big table was a sign that she was going to conjure up a scrumptious meal again.

Her uncle was still not home yet, so he got the butler to help him pass a box to Song Caitang. It was a fairly small, wooden box, but it was able to contain a lot. The box had dividers to keep the rubies and pearls from the agate, but the moment she opened the lid, everything threatened to spill right out. Thankfully, Song Caitang reacted quickly enough and shut the box again.

The butler had a message from her uncle too: the daughters of the Guan family did not have to worry about what others said about them. They could do whatever they wanted. If anyone was unhappy about it, she could use these things to crush them!

Her cousin, Guan Lang, who preferred to bury himself in books at the academy instead of coming home, wrote back too. He said that the Count of Peace’s case had caused a huge stir and everyone in the academy was talking about it. He was filled with admiration and curiosity about the investigation, so he wanted Song Caitang to tell him how it all went down.

The spring breeze blew gently, making the willows in the yard sway. Regardless of how the world changed, the Guans were still the same. Song Caitang felt so warm inside.

She knew that she was in an extremely patriarchal society and that the current empress was supposedly the model woman who promoted the suppression of women. Her actions should have been terribly shocking and unacceptable by most. When she was investigating a case, she was always accompanied by people like Zhao Zhi, Wen Yuansi and Qi Yan, so it was rare for anyone to come up and scold her for what she was doing. But the same could not be said for her family. They might have faced even nastier comments.

But none of them told her about it. None of them blamed her for it. Instead, they showed her even more concern.

In the first ten years of her life, she was loved and doted on by her parents. And now, she was treated kindly by her mother’s family.

And wherever her heart felt safe, there was home.

Da’an wasn’t scary to her anymore.

She found it very strange too – she had only been here for a year, she was in a society that wasn’t friendly to women at all, civilization at this point was not very developed and she didn’t have any of the things she was used to. But she didn’t feel like escaping it anymore. She even started growing attached to this place and didn’t want to leave anymore.