My Childhood Friend And Summer Fireworks (Part 2)

“…So, at first, y’know, when everybody except Kengo suddenly ran late or had some errand pop up, I just figured, ‘oh, this is that thing that always happens in manga~,’ and let it slide. Like, hey, coincidences like that happen, right?”
“…”
“I mean, I was the one who invited everyone in the first place, back when it was still going to be the four of us, right? So as the one who set it up, I got to thinking right away — the least I could do was make sure Kengo, the one person who actually showed, had a good time.”
“…Sorry.”

Right. This whole thing had started because Ayu invited the four of us to go together: me, Ayu, Hina, and Sumire. Which meant she’d been looking forward to going as a group, and now, far too late, guilt pricked at me for the way we’d trampled that.

“Ahaha… it’s fine, really, I don’t mind. I was the one dragging everyone along just so I could have fun in the first place. If they’ve all got something they’d rather do, then that’s better anyway.”

There’s no hint that she’s forcing it or gritting her teeth through it. If anything, Ayu looks apologetic that I apologized at all.

It’s because she’s like this that Hina and Senior Hotaru fuss over her to no end, and she never even notices.

“So anyway — the fireworks festival itself, the main event… it was so much fun! I mean, it was a real shame I couldn’t share everything with all of you, and the whole time I was anxious about whether I was just spinning my wheels trying to make sure Kengo had fun, but…”
“…”
“…but Kengo was really into it too — ‘hey, how about that one,’ ‘ooh, this looks tasty’ — and it made me happy, knowing he was trying to enjoy himself as well.”
“That’s…”
“…I know. You all probably thought up the stuff I’d like ahead of time, right? I realized it once I was on my own… haah… I really did everyone wrong…”
“…Why are you the one acting all apologetic, Ayu?”

If anyone should feel bad here, if anyone should feel guilty, it’s us. We’re the ones who ruined Ayu’s fun.

“But it’s true, isn’t it? Everyone thought it all through and got everything ready so things would work out between me and Kengo, and then in the end Kengo confessed, right?”
“…Deciding to confess right then and there was all Kengo, though.”

Back when we were planning it, both Hina and I had said it would be better for him not to confess. So why he went and did it anyway, I honestly couldn’t say.

“So then, whatever answer I gave, I should have answered him properly — put my own feelings into words in a way that wouldn’t hurt Kengo — and…”
“Haah…”
“And besides — you and the others being right there when I ran off, that means… the plan was for all of us to watch the fireworks together at the end, right? And yet…”
“And yet?”
“I got all flustered, everything came out a mess, I flat-out turned him down and then bolted right there on the spot… ugh, honestly — as a way to turn a guy down, and as a way to wreck everything, it was the absolute worst…”
“I don’t think you need to fret over it that much.”

I hadn’t even needed to ask. So she’d turned him down after all. It’s rare to find someone who feels bad for a guy right after rejecting him and then frets over how she did it. Not when the ones I have to measure her against are Hina and Senior Hotaru, both seasoned hands at turning boys down. I’ve done it myself, and I never lost much sleep over it.

“Because, you know… Kengo’s confession — it was so sincere.”
“…”
“Looking back on it — when I took his hand so we wouldn’t get separated, his palm was drenched in sweat, and he kept clumsily shielding me from the crowd… once I was alone and thought it over, I figured he must have really worked up his nerve. And to think he used to be such a rowdy little kid.”
“You’re… kind of talking like somebody’s big sister.”
“…Maybe so. I mean, I’m a reincarnator, you know? As someone with a head start on life, I’ve got to look out for everyone.”

Ayu smiles, a little bashful, and it isn’t the innocent, put-on cheer she usually flashes. It’s a more grown-up smile, the kind that keeps a gentle watch over someone and holds them dear.

“So — you loathed yourself the whole time you were running, and rode that momentum all the way out here?”
“Urgh, well… I wasn’t in the mood to go home yet… and this place is close to home, so…”
“Even though everyone’s worried? Without a word to anybody? You figured out it was all of us conspiring, didn’t you?”
“B-but… I wasn’t totally sure until you showed up, Gin… and besides…”
“And besides?”
“…If it really was true — if everyone went to all this elaborate trouble — then each of them must have poured their own feelings into it… and yet I showed them nothing and just ran off on impulse. So how could I be the one to call anybody after that…”
“…Haaah…”

A big sigh escapes me before I can stop it. Put simply, this girl has holed herself up out here even now, fretting all alone, convinced she has to repay everyone in kind for the feelings and the sincerity they’d shown her.

“Then let me ask you this — if you’d known from the start it was everyone’s plan, would you have dated Kengo?”
“That… I wouldn’t, but…”
“Right? Then no matter what choice you made after the confession, you’ve got no reason to feel responsible toward everybody.”
“B-but…!”
“If anything, everyone would be angrier if you dated him because of that — you get that much, don’t you?”
“…I guess.”

Yeah. Honestly, that part of it put me at ease. Even an Ayu who still puts everyone else first and shelves her own feelings has a line she won’t cross.

“Actually, Ayu, you’re the one who ought to be angry here.”
“Angry? At who?”
“Are you serious right now? You invited us to the festival in the first place, and whatever our motives were, we lied and didn’t show — that’s plenty of reason to be angry.”
“But…”
“No ‘buts.’ You’re about to bring up Kengo’s feelings, or the reasons that drove us to do it, or something like that — aren’t you?”
“Urk.”
“So I’m right, huh.”

This girl, honestly…

“Ayu — you’re allowed to be a lot more selfish with us, you know.”
“I think I’m plenty selfish already, though.”
“Not nearly enough. Show more of what you feel, let us see it, and then…”

More than that — even at times like this, when you’re baring what’s inside you, I want you to be smiling, truly and deeply happy, from the bottom of your heart.

The words nearly spill out, but I swallow them back down. Said aloud like that, they’d sound like a confession, plain and simple, and I might give her the wrong idea.

“…And then — I want you to be honest with us. Sure, the usual you laughs like she’s having fun, but I hate it when you put everyone else first and cave like you did this time, then go off and agonize alone behind the scenes like this.”
“…I’m talking to you right now, aren’t I?”
“That’s only because I found you. If I hadn’t come looking, I know you’d have wrapped it all up on your own.”
“…I really can’t win against you, Gin…”

That’s right. I’m the only one Ayu ever trusted with her secret, so as that one person, I can’t let myself give up on understanding how she feels. Because if I did, Ayu might stop letting anyone at all near the feelings buried deep in her heart.

— Bzzt, bzzt.

“…Hm?”

Maybe it’s because I got to say my piece and feel a little lighter, but only now do I notice my own phone buzzing.

“Somebody calling?”
“It’s from Hina… Ayu, what happened to your own phone?”
“I wanted to be alone, so I turned it off.”
“…You’ve probably got a mountain of missed calls, so brace yourself.”
“Blegh.”

This one’s on her, entirely her own doing. After being run ragged all over town like this, I’ve got no intention of bailing her out, either.

“Yes, hello.”
“Gin!!? You finally picked up!! Where are you right now!?? Did you find Ayu!!!?”
“…Ah, sorry — yeah, I found her. The supermarket near our houses. You know the one?”
“I know it!! Sumire and I are coming right now!!! We’re taking my mom’s car, so don’t let her get away!!!”

The line cut off with a click. When I checked, my phone had piled up call after call and a heap of messages, probably because no one could get through to Ayu’s. Sure, I’d waved a few off as a nuisance, but had there really been this many?

“She says they’re coming by car right now. Yeah, you’d really better brace yourself for this one.”
“That’s scary…”
“That’s your own fault. You could’ve at least told a little lie — said you felt sick and went home, or something.”
“But wouldn’t that make it sound like I fled because Kengo’s confession made me sick to my stomach?”
“I mean, bolting at a dead sprint is already about as bad, if you ask me.”
“Urgh.”

Ah, crap. That one seems to have landed hard, and Ayu let out a groan and clutched her head.

“C-come on, Ayu. Let’s take care of what we came here for before those two arrive — we’ll figure out how to smooth things over with Kengo together later.”
“…What we came here for?”
“This is a supermarket, right? …Trekking back to the venue from here is a pain, so let’s just pick up the fireworks festival right around here.”

If our positions were reversed, it was exactly the sort of thing the usual Ayu would say. Or so it hit me, once I’d already gone and suggested it.

◆◆◆

After we met up with Hina and Sumire, we took the fireworks we’d bought at the supermarket to a park near home and started setting them off. Since I hadn’t bought a single thing at the festival, I’d splurged on one of the big, loaded sets.

“Ayu, I’m so sorry~…”
“Hina, you’re close — too close…”

Ever since she rejoined us, Hina’s been even clingier with Ayu than usual. According to Sumire, she’d been more frantic during the search than Sumire had ever seen her; at one point she’d hijacked her parents’ car, the one that had come to pick the two of them up, and gone tearing around every shop in town at random.

“Sumire, I’m sorry — dragging you into something so weird.”
“No, no — I was pretty gung-ho about it myself… I’m just glad we found you.”

The truth is, back when we were first brought in on all this, Hina had only asked Sumire to lure Ayu out to the library; the actual details of the plan we filled her in on afterward, so she really had been dragged in after the fact. And on top of that, she got saddled with wrangling Hina the moment Ayu bolted. She’s probably today’s single biggest victim.

“So pretty…”

And Ayu, same as ever, snaps photos of the fireworks and of us holding the sparklers, then gets snapped in turn by Hina and Sumire. Her face is the usual innocent one she shows everyone, not a trace of that grown-up expression from before.

Watching her face like that, looking back over the whole day, I suddenly remember what Senior Hotaru told me right after we’d finished hammering out the plan.

◇◇◇

“…So, about the reason it won’t work out… this isn’t Kengo’s fault — it’s more of an Ayu problem, I’d say.”
“Ayu’s?”
“Mm-hm… Ayu, you know, she acts all bright and cheerful, but… I bet with anyone — even me, even Hina — there’s this wall around her heart, or… how do I put it, a place she won’t let you all the way down into.”

Something clenches tight, like a hand closing around my heart, and a chill runs down my spine. How is it that, even though Ayu acts so airheaded and bright, Senior Hotaru can close in on the very heart of the matter, see clean through it, without even knowing the secret?

“…”
“Hina’s probably noticed it too — no matter how much you treasure Ayu, no matter how much affection you show her, it only ever reaches the surface of her heart and never resonates down deep… how to say it — like she can’t quite take it as something meant for her? Something like that.”
“…And how does that connect to the plan not working?”

As I listen, something in my chest tightens, and I press her to get to the point. But Senior Hotaru only says, “Patience, patience,” plainly meaning to drag this out a good while yet.

“Ayu hides it, but in odd little spots she’s got weirdly low self-worth. Say, for example, the rest of us send her a ‘100’ worth of affection.”
“But Ayu doesn’t believe that much could be aimed at her, won’t accept it — she decides that’s just how we show affection to any ordinary friend, converts it down to ‘50,’ and takes it that way… you know?”
“Even though neither Hina nor I get that clingy with ordinary friends — and of course the same goes for you too, right, Ginko?”
“I don’t… get all clingy with Ayu or anything.”

This senior of mine really does say whatever she pleases.

“Hmmm… well, anyway — she lets our affection wash right over her, but I thought maybe if romantic feelings came at her from someone she’s slotted as basically family, like Kengo, something might change.”
“…But if it’s not going to work anyway, then Kengo’s, what, a sacrificial lamb?”

That’s going too far. He’s been a familiar face since grade school, and I know he’s a good guy, so putting it like that feels a little…

“Ginko, this plan of ours — how do you think things would have to turn out for it to count as a success?”
“Huh? Well, obviously… Ayu starting to see Kengo as a guy, I guess? Something like that?”
“Right? Then yeah — there’s absolutely no way it works.”
“…What do you mean by that?”
“Long story short — it seems Ayu doesn’t want to become the object of anyone’s romantic ‘like.’”
“The thing about Ayu is — up to now, whenever there was someone she sensed might start having feelings for her, she’d apparently distance herself from that person, subtly.”
“And so, in the end, that boy’s ‘like’ would wind up turning toward me, or Hina, or one of the other girls she was often around. In that sense — even if he seems to have slipped through by sheer chance — Kengo’s a devoted, good kid.”

When Kengo first brought this whole thing to us, the line was that Ayu had started drawing attention from boys now that she was in high school. That’s actually a little off the mark. In reality she’s the friendly, sociable sort, so there had always been boys who took to her, and every time it played out exactly as Senior Hotaru had just described. I’d even sounded Ayu out about it once, carefully, and she’d given me something like, “Everybody’s hitting puberty now, so keeping our distance too close isn’t really a good idea, right?” Looking back, that was surely just a dodge.

“But in that case…”
“Right — the moment Ayu registers Kengo’s feelings, she’ll start avoiding him. That’s why this plan is absolutely never going to work.”
“So, well… if it’s doomed either way, I figured we could at least steer it toward doing something about Ayu’s self-esteem. I do feel a bit bad about it, so I told him absolutely not to confess, you know? That way the possibility stays open.”

…Yeah, I really am a little uneasy around this senior. She can be merciless, sometimes, toward anything outside what she cares about. Born just a single year ahead of me, and yet this different. This senior of mine.

“…So — the real question is how Ayu reacts. With his affection aimed at her, what shape it takes when it echoes in that girl’s heart… honestly, I don’t know.”
“Maybe nothing at all will change.”
“Maybe, just as I’m hoping, she’ll come to acknowledge her own worth a little.”
“Maybe… though the odds are pretty low, a few months down the line she’ll somehow start becoming aware of him after all.”
“There’s no telling which way it’ll fall… but what I can say for sure is that on the day, Ayu is bound to be thrown by the unexpected affection and get lost in all sorts of doubts.”
“So, Ginko — when that happens… be there to look after Ayu for me, okay?”

◇◇◇

…Well, I suppose I managed to do what I was asked. Though I’d have done it even without being told.

It isn’t the light blooming bright and vivid in the far-off sky. It’s the fireworks glowing here in our hands, here in the park, that light us up.

Summer break has only just begun.