My Childhood Friend And Christmas Eve Night

(Phew…)

After our second lap around the illuminations, I headed home the same as always. Once I was inside, I lazed around for a bit, took a bath, then went back to lazing on my bed. The usual way I spend an evening.

(All that ruckus really wore me out…)

On a normal night I’d get around to some homework or self-study at some point or other. Still, today’s Christmas Eve, and tomorrow is Christmas Day, otherwise known as my birthday, a genuinely special day. I’m tired, and slacking off once in a while can’t hurt.

(Ugh, so sluggish…)

…I’m really, genuinely tired.

There’s still time before I’d normally turn in, but even so, now that I’ve bathed and cleared everything out of the way, the moment I burrow under the covers my eyelids start sliding shut on their own. Just lying here going back over the day, I get the feeling I really might drop off without meaning to.

(…Well, still… it was fun, at least.)

Loath as I am to admit it, today’s Christmas party was fun. Having everyone celebrate my birthday a day early, eating good food, trading presents all together, making a racket with the weird toys Ayu brought, and finally all crowding around the game console I’d hauled along. It really was fun. We got everything ready together, threw ourselves into it, got hyped, made a racket… so of course I’d end up this sleepy.

Really?

Really or not, what else would it even be.

Not because Ayu’s words earlier were a shock?

Shock, nothing. All Ayu did was announce she’s got no intention of doing the romance thing. Whether that holds for life, I couldn’t say, but she plainly declared she’ll stay single. It’s not like I got rejected, or like our friendship got turned down.

Really? Do you believe that from the bottom of your heart?

You’re persistent. I mean, young people who’d rather not date are hardly a rarity these days. I’m one of them myself, for that matter.

Then why did it shock you so much?

Quiet, you. This is exhaustion catching up on me from everything I did for the party, prep and all. It’s not that Ayu’s words got to me, or that I can’t lose myself in my hobbies, or that I’m sulking my way to sleep. Because in the end, whether it’s someone who doesn’t know her secret or someone who does, Ayu has no intention of ever seeing them as a romantic prospect, and that’s all there is to it. Nothing about that changes a thing between us.

Really? You, deep down—

Shut up, shut up, shut up, there’s no way I have feelings like that. And even if I did… hypothetically, purely hypothetically, even if I did carry feelings like that for Ayu, I’d never be allowed to act on them.

…Because if I ever did something like that, Ayu would surely…

◆◆◆

“I’m hooome—”

(…Huh, I dozed off without realizing…)

That voice from the front door just now was my brother’s… I think. Sounds like he’s back from a night out with friends too.

Glancing around, the light in my room was off and the covers had been tucked snugly up to my shoulders. Mom must have done it for me.

Honestly, he could stand to act like the college student he is, get himself a girlfriend and stay out till morning. And now, thanks to him, I’ve been dragged awake… though it was a lousy dream, so I suppose he’s also rescued me from it.

(He’s coming up…)

Just as I caught some kind of conversation drifting up from downstairs, along with a faint scraping sound, I felt someone start up the stairs. My room and my brother’s are both on the second floor, so he’d have to pass my door to reach his own. It’s a household sound I hear just about every day. Only, this time…

(…Did he stop in front of my room?)

Normally, if I sharpen my senses, I can tell the moment he passes my door. This time, though, I get nothing. Usually I catch it while I’m gaming, and the click of his door opening confirms my read was right. Right now my eyes are shut and I’m concentrating, so it should be sharper still.

— Click…

(He opened it…?!)

I was still clocking that something was off about my brother when my door eased open, plainly and in the dead of night, with an unmistakable determination to make no sound.

(…Ahaa, I see.)

He’s a dumbass big brother pretty much on Ayu’s level. It being Christmas Eve night, he’s probably scheming some Santa impression or other. And going by the clatter of things coming from that silhouette, he’s likely got a sack of presents slung over one shoulder.

(In that case…)

I don’t remember what’s in it, but I’d just been stewing over a bad dream. I’ll take my pent-up frustration out on this Santa-wannabe dumbass of a big brother.

(…)

Cracking my eyes open, I can make out him creeping toward my pillow, smothering his own footsteps. The instant he stops and starts digging through that sack, I’ll throw the blanket over him and scare the daylights out of him.

“…”

— Rustle, rustle.

(Now!)

“Hyaaah!!”
“Eh?! What?! Gwah-mpf!!?”

My spur-of-the-moment plan seemed to land. Only… how to put it, the would-be Santa wasn’t the dumbass big brother I’d pictured. That was an awfully familiar girl’s voice.

My attacker seemed thoroughly rattled by what I’d pulled; that small frame, swallowed whole by the blanket, tipped over onto the floor. I climbed off the bed, stepped around it, and went to flip on the room light.

“…”

— Flick.

“Waah! What is it, what is it?! A trap to catch Santa?!”
“…”

Muffled noises leaking out of the blanket, the would-be Santa thrashed around inside it. I grabbed a corner of the blanket and pulled the person free, and…

“…What are you doing, Ayu.”
“…A-ahaha… I’m Sant-aaa.”

There stood my childhood friend, got up in a cheap Santa costume.

◆◆◆

“So. What are you doing.”
“I’m Santa, though?”
“‘I’m Santa, though?’ …Yeah, no.”

Breaking into someone’s room in the dead of night, honestly. Sitting on the bed, I fold my arms and look down at Ayu, who’s kneeling primly on a floor cushion.

The costume’s cheap enough that the fabric looks thin, and she seems a little cold. I’m half curious whether she came all this way dressed like that or barged in and changed the second she was inside, but more than that…

“…First off, there’s this — you roped my family in on it, didn’t you?”
“When I said, ‘I wanna play Santa for Gin,’ they were totally up for it…”
“Those little rats…”

Slipping in at the exact moment my brother did… what a pointlessly hardcore way to pull this off. Scared me for nothing.

“And what’s this Santa business anyway? We already swapped Christmas presents, all of us.”
“That’s, um… look, what’s the harm.”
“There’s plenty of harm… haah, whatever, fine.”

No sense tossing her out now that she’s come this far. If she says she’ll give me something, I may as well take it. If it’s on offer and not literal garbage, I’ll take it.

Maybe she’d braced for me to throw her out, because at my words Ayu’s face lit right up with delight.

“So, what’re you giving me?”
“Umm, let’s see… first up, this — the cobra staff, a.k.a. Cobby!”
“That’s the Halloween thing, isn’t it.”

I take that back. It’s not garbage, exactly. But at the very least I wouldn’t want it even for free. I mean, did she genuinely think handing me that would make me happy?

“Huh?! But it breathes steam, y’know?!”
“What made you think that’s a selling point — it didn’t even go over at Halloween.”
“Tch.”
“Something else. Something else.”

Ayu stashed the so-called Cobby and dug through the sack again. Please, don’t tell me the whole bag is basically more of this kind of thing…

“Ta-daa! The Amazing Roulette!! A.k.a. the electro-sho—”
“Denied.”

Wait, is this seriously what everything in there is like?

“For the record, these two are the priciest things in the bag.”
“Even so, I don’t want them.”
“Ehhh—”

Pricey or cheap, what I don’t want, I don’t want. The second dud in a row left Ayu looking a bit deflated, but honestly, getting saddled with stuff I don’t want is just a headache.

“Then how about this next! A fox mask!”
“What is this, awfully old-fashioned… like, Showa-era?”

What Ayu produced was a fox mask… except, how to put it, it had none of that cutesy stylization, wasn’t cute in the slightest, and on top of that, the thing was made of paper.

“It’s a legit one I bought at an Inari shrine!”
“That’s legit, all right… but isn’t it kinda creepy?”
“I bought it a few years back and kept it, but — starting last year, that shrine seems to have gotten serious about catering to tourists… when I went recently, the masks had switched over to the modern kind.”
“Then go buy that one.”
“It’s a rare item!”
“Rare or not, the second it’s creepy and made of paper, it’s got no appeal.”

◆◆◆

“Geez, you’re so picky, Gin.”
“It’s your fault for bringing nothing decent.”

Starting with the cobra staff, then the electro-shock roulette, the creepy fox mask, some baffling figurine, a dolphin plushie won off an aquarium lottery… the plushie is about the only thing that scrapes by as halfway decent.

“And then there’s this— ah, sorry, this one’s a no. It got put in by mistake… the plushie’s the last one!”
“Nothing decent in the whole lot…”

If I had to pick from this lot… the safe bet is the dolphin plushie, I suppose. Then again, it’s not like plushies are my thing…

I was turning it over when something Ayu had just said snagged at me. What could possibly rate as “a no” to the very Ayu who’d hauled out nothing but this weird junk?

“Hey, Ayu.”
“Oh! Decided?”
“Not that… the thing you pulled back just now — what was it?”

Everything she’d brought was already out of the bag, and from the way the sack had gone flat, whatever it was probably wasn’t that big. On the not-taking-up-space front, it might actually be a viable pick.

“Guh… but, well…”
“Why are you reacting like that?”
“It’s cheap… it’s really nothing worthwhile, okay?”
“I’ll decide that after I see it.”
“Ehh…”
“It’s almost my birthday, y’know? Under thirty minutes now, y’know?”
“…Fine… here.”

What Ayu drew out of the bag was… navy blue, made of cloth… a scarf, maybe? It did look cheap, or rather, handmade.

“A scarf? Did you make it, Ayu?”
“Yeah… I made it for the gift-swap at first, but… it was my first time doing any handicrafts, so it came out kinda misshapen…”
“Huh.”
“Once I started it was pretty tough, and getting it up to the quality of what everyone else was bringing would’ve taken more time than I had… the moment it was done I just stuffed it in whatever bag, and then forgot about it.”
“Hmm…”

Sure enough, when I spread it out the width ran different from one end to the other, and up close the stitches were uneven in spots, with little loose threads poking out here and there. It was workmanship with rank-beginner stamped all over it, the kind even I wouldn’t have handed to anyone.

“This one, then.”
“Eh?”
“I’m allowed to take it, right? I’ll go with this.”

True, it’s… lopsided all over. But navy’s a color I like well enough, and for knocking around the neighborhood it’s plenty serviceable.

“I mean… wouldn’t the plushie be fine?”
“Plushies and stuff aren’t my thing.”
“The fox mask, maybe…”
“That one’s out of the question. Oh, and don’t get the wrong idea — it’s process of elimination. Pro-cess of e-lim-i-na-tion.”

That’s right, this is process of elimination. Plushies aren’t my thing, the rest of the junk is out of the question (from where I stand, anyway), and this one I can actually put to use, so there’s a point to keeping it.

“Right then, I was in the middle of sleeping, so I’m going back to sleep.”
“…Well, if you’re okay with that, then okay… I’ll head home, then.”
“…Ah, hold on. You’re going home dressed like that?”
“I am… ah, I’ll at least throw a coat on, obviously?”

By now it was almost midnight; Ayu’s place is right across the way, so there’d be no real danger, but… in this season’s cold, that outfit looked freezing even under a coat.

“Did you know? It’s illegal for minors to be out late at night.”
“I mean, it’s right across the way? Takes less than five minutes?”
“Aren’t your folks asleep by now? Go home now and you’ll wake them, won’t you.”
“They’re totally awake… what’s up with you, Gin?”
“Ahh… how do I put it… well… wouldn’t it be fine to just stay over…y’know.”

Heading out this late and catching a cold would be a disaster… no, it’s a quick trip so she’d be fine… but there’s always the off chance.

“No… it’d feel bad to make you get a futon out for me now…”
“My bed’s fine, whatever. Setting one up is a pain for me too.”
“What are you saying?! That’s not fine!”
“It’s my birthday in five minutes, y’know? Oh, and touch anywhere weird and I’ll k*ll you.”
“K*ll me?! Isn’t that way too unreasonable?!”
“Haah, enough already, just get in!”

I switch on the bedside lamp, then kill the room light. Then I take the dithering Ayu by the hand and pull her into the bed.

“…Ah, Ayu, did you take a bath?”
“I took one before I came, but…”
“Then it’s fine.”
“Wh-whoa-whoa! Gin?!”
“You’re loud.”

We lie down facing each other. Being a single bed, it’s a bit cramped, so I decide to just hug her quiet. At first she seemed to be mumbling something, but maybe sensing I had no intention of letting go, she settled down fast.

“…Gin.”
“…What.”
“Happy birthday.”
“…Yeah.”

Cradling Ayu’s head against my chest, I hold her close and let myself drift off. This girl once told me a heartbeat is supposed to help you sleep soundly, so maybe later I’ll ask whether it really did.

“We’ve ended up the same age, huh.”
“…Yeah, we have.”

With this I’ve closed a little of the gap between us… I think. At the very least, that big-sister act Ayu trots out now and then always goes quiet around this time of year.

“…Night.”
“…Night.”

With nothing in particular to add, I say the word and shut my eyes. For a second it felt like my arms tightened around her… but surely that’s just my imagination.

“…”
“…”

…And so, by showing that even someone who knows Ayu’s secret can still accept her… I hope that someday, someday for certain, this becomes the spark that lets Ayu, in this second life of hers, come to allow someone to stay by her side.

…Even if that someone isn’t me.

Praying that in my heart, I drifted off to sleep.