Let Me Ask You Just One Thing

Gloria glared at me, and I gave the look straight back, refusing to be the one who yielded. A childish contest of nerves, nothing more. It felt for all the world like being children again.

I can’t see what makes us any different from the two girls who used to fight over one mother.

Even so, I absolutely had to get this untampered drink into Herman’s hand. Praying he would take it from me quickly, I lifted the glass toward him once more.

“My thanks.”

Herman looked down at the glass I held out, quietly, and then, unable to hold out against my urging, took it from my hand. The task was done and safely done, and still I stood there fretting over whether I had come on too strong, whether the whole thing had gone off awkwardly somehow.

“Ria.”

Gloria called my name as though thoroughly put out.

“When you come at me like that, it leaves my own hand hanging rather awkwardly. It won’t do to be childish, not at a gathering like this.”

On the surface it passed for the sort of advice a sister might give. Underneath, it was mockery, and mockery did not deserve the dignity of an answer. I ignored her and wet my parched throat with my own share of the lemonade.

“Not in the least.”

But then an answer came from a quarter I had never expected. Herman, who had drained clean the rose-oil lemonade I handed him, was the one who spoke.

“It isn’t childishness. It’s something to be proud of.”

Herman Ernst, it seemed, was decidedly pleased by my jealousy. He slipped an arm about my waist without warning and murmured, low.

“In truth, I’ve been wanting you to do exactly that all evening.”

Gloria, as though her insides were burning, tipped her cool drink straight back, screwing up her face splendidly as she did.

As for Cedric, it hardly needed saying.

“…”

He had been displeased about something this whole while, and he kept glancing back and forth between Gloria and me as he emptied his glass in small, nibbling sips.

That’s it.

I looked at the two glasses, emptied down to clear glass, and thought it. Half the thing was as good as done.

Meanwhile the tune that had filled the hall gave way to another, and the melody, brightening by the measure, announced that the ball was coming to its height.

“In any case, I fear we’re keeping you far too long. You are the hosts — you can hardly stay planted in one spot all evening.”

I meant to peel away from Gloria and Cedric at a suitable moment.

“It’s quite all right. Everyone’s enjoying themselves splendidly. Besides, it’s been an age since we were all gathered together like this. Which makes it all the more important to show that things between us are mended, doesn’t it? Isn’t that so, Your Excellency?”

But Gloria only smiled and smiled and shook her head, as though my plan were nothing but a joke to her.

If Gloria drops off to sleep while we’re all still standing here, that will be a problem.

While I was fretting over what to do about it, Herman gave a light nod toward some people casting glances our way from a little distance off.

“Well, I think we’ve shown quite enough. We’ll take our leave of you now. There are others I ought to be speaking with, I find.”

And then, before Gloria could get another word out, he wound his arm about my waist and drew us away.

Once we had put a fair distance between ourselves and Cedric and Gloria, Herman let out the smallest breath of irritation.

“Why must they be so persistent.”
“Sorry?”
“Husband and wife both, alike as if they’d been stamped from the same mold. It isn’t as though we’ve got honey holding us together. What in the world makes them so frantic not to peel themselves off us.”

Herman said exactly what he was thinking, and it made me forget even the weight of my plan; a small, huffing laugh slipped out of me.

“That rumor about you. The one to do with those two Drakes.”
“…What of it?”
“That rumor has got it badly wrong, and no mistake. Watch a while and it’s plain enough — it isn’t you who’s fixated on them. It’s them who are fixated on us.”

Herman Ernst’s eye, as ever, was unerring.

Around then some of the newly risen bourgeoisie greeted him, and he fell in with the group naturally, talking over the recent turns of the market. I put in the occasional word of agreement and kept watch on the room. Now and then the men would ask my opinion, but my attention was elsewhere and I could not follow the talk at all well; several times over, I smoothed a reply away with a laugh.

“!”

Gloria, in conversation with some noblewoman, staggered slightly as she left her place. I saw it happen. She pressed a hand to her forehead as though weary, then called a passing servant and made for the corridor that led to the retiring rooms. I did not let the moment slip. I spoke, calm and unhurried.

“Forgive me, but might I be excused a moment? These heels are rather high — I think I need a little rest.”

The others answered readily enough that of course I must, and I turned my head to look at Herman. For a very short moment he gazed at me, deeply, and then gave an easy, gracious nod. Go on, it told me.

“Off with you, then.”

At the same time, the hand that had held my waist all this while came away and dropped naturally to his side.

This will be the last of us.

If I followed Gloria out of this ballroom now, I would never come back to the place at Herman’s side. As I stood watching his hand withdraw, he made a small motion with his eyes, as if to ask whether something was the matter.

That I would likely never be able to return to his side.

That we could never again be so close as this.

That I was grateful, all this while.

I wanted to say all of it, but in the end I could only smile faintly at him. I forced my body to turn and took myself away from Herman. Even as I went, the side of me where his warmth had rested only moments before felt, for reasons I could not name, unbearably empty.

At any second, it seemed, Herman’s hand would come and wind about my waist again. Where was I off to in such a hurry. Why was I walking away without so much as a glance behind me, as though I would never come back. Any moment now, he might catch hold of me.

Though whether that was my wish or my delusion, there was no way of knowing.

“Which retiring room did she go to?”

I found Hans, keeping watch over the hall, and asked it under my breath.

“The innermost retiring room on the second floor is set aside for House Drake’s exclusive use. She will most likely have gone there.”

The innermost retiring room on the second floor. Not a place that easily caught anyone’s eye.

Perfect. The one thing I couldn’t decide for her was which retiring room she’d choose.

It had been by no design of mine, but luck seemed to be running my way.

Gloria is more or less settled. The trouble is Cedric.

I let my gaze travel over the ballroom, and then asked him.

“And Count Drake.”
“By what I’ve learned, he’s out on the large balcony on the second floor. He asked for a cutter and a whisky, saying he meant to have a cigar — which suggests he intends to stay out there a good while.”

That, too, was an enormous stroke of luck. With Gloria, the ball’s hostess, already gone from her place, it would have been awkward indeed if Cedric had also failed to show himself without some decent pretext.

“Keep your eyes on the Count. When the draught looks to be taking hold, guide him to the retiring room where Gloria is.”

Hans gave a small nod, then set off directly for the balcony where Cedric was, and the sight of him going steadied me. I took a moment to check my surroundings and made my way, unhurried, toward the corridor with the retiring rooms.

Passing down that familiar corridor, I came to a stop before the innermost door. A long ribbon tied to the handle was the sign that someone was inside. I ignored the ribbon utterly and knocked.

“…”

Naturally, not so much as a sound came from within. I knocked again, and this time Gloria’s voice came leaking faintly through, thick with sleep.

“Who the hell is it…”

She had forgotten even to be playing ‘Marienne,’ and spat out the crudest familiar speech without a second thought. Listening to her, I found myself wondering how a girl this careless had managed to deceive anyone at all until now.

I made certain there was no one in the corridor, flung the door open, went straight inside, and locked it behind me.

“Mmn. What is it.”

Gloria, stretched out on the long sofa in the room, lifted her head at the sound of someone there. Her eyes, half-lidded, ran down over my face.

“You. Who said you could walk in as you please.”

Once she had made out who it was, irritation gathered in them.

“Does that matter?”

I said it in a voice with no rise or fall in it.

“You steal my name, you go about playing me — and I can’t so much as walk into a room like this?”
“Hah. I’ve had my fill of you all evening, so this is perfect. You’ll only come to your senses once you’ve been dragged out like a piece of baggage again.”

Gloria pushed herself up from the sofa and hurled the cushion beside her at me.

“Get out! I said get out!”

Whether the sleep had added to it or not, her temper had turned all the more vicious. I looked at the cushion tumbling about my feet and thought.

Cast out — who is casting out whom, Gloria.
When it’s you who’ll be driven from this manor before long.

I took a step closer to Gloria, draped over the sofa like a blanket dragged limp out of the wash, and spoke.

“There’s one thing I want to ask you.”

Before any of the rest of it, there was something I absolutely had to hear from Gloria’s own mouth.