The Waiter Hides a Laser
27

Chapter 27

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“So you set out on a chivalrous deed.”

Moyong Bi said it with a smile. He looked proud of his disciple’s first chivalrous deed.

Doesn’t look like he got the details.

So Moyong Rin had been as good as her word about keeping her mouth shut after all. She’d passed on the bare result and nothing more, just ‘we wiped out the Black Wind Gang’s stronghold,’ and that was that.

That’s Moyong Rin for you. Knew I could count on her.

“Well then. How did your first chivalrous deed feel?”
“It was awesome.”
“Those who set out on a chivalrous deed purely for the sake of chivalry are exceedingly rare. Each of them has a reason of their own. Some for honor, some for profit. And—”

He smiled faintly.

“And some to raise their family’s name high. I’m glad you seem to have found a reason of your own.”

“But I really did practice chivalry for its own sake, though?”
“…?”

Moyong Bi peered into my eyes.

“Are you really a chivalrous hero?”

I swatted his hand away.

“Anyway, what about Big Bro Un-cheon? I haven’t seen him around lately. He doesn’t even come for meals. This is someone who used to come running like a dog the moment it was mealtime.”
“…Calling your own master a dog, are you?”
“Well, that’s the truth of it. So what about Big Bro Un-cheon? You haven’t seen him?”
“Who knows. Looks like he’s gone off somewhere.”
“Without a word?”
“That’s how he’s always been. He’s got a wandering star on him. Looks like he’s off drifting about again. Frankly he lasted longer than I expected.”
“Could it be he didn’t leave at all, and some other murim warrior ambushed him? I heard he has a lot of enemies.”

He snorted a laugh.

“Now that really is a funny thing to say.”

I put on my fiercest glare.

“Is a disciple worrying about his master funny to you?”
“A moment ago you were calling him a dog that came running.”

He reached out and swept a playful hand down my face, and laughed when I recoiled in disgust.

“Rather than worrying about him, worry about yourself. That would do you far more good. The Dragon and Phoenix Conference is coming up soon, isn’t it?”
“The Dragon and Phoenix Conference?”
“That’s right. Not interested? It’s the stage of dreams that everyone in the gangho longs for. Before the Conference there’ll be a representative selection match inside the family.”
“A representative selection match?”
“To pick the one representative who’ll raise the Moyong Family’s name high.”
“Isn’t that something anyone can enter?”

Moyong Bi grinned.

“Gwang-seon.”
“Yes?”
“Who are we?”
“The Moyong Family.”
“And the swordsman standing in front of you?”
“Why, none other than Great Hero Moyong Bi, the Glancing River Sword.”

He nodded, satisfied.

“Truly so. Thanks to my runner-up finish at the last tournament, the Moyong Family holds the right to pick one representative and send them straight through to the main draw. Skipping the unnecessary preliminaries.”
“Oooh.”
“And whom do we have to thank for all this?”
“Great Hero Moyong Bi, the Glancing River Sword!”
“Quite right. Now, back in my day. Eh? I started from the preliminary rounds and clawed my way up beating them down one stitch at a time, is what I’m saying. Strong or not strong, do you know how grueling a business that is? Tiresome, and a nuisance beyond words. And the sheer number of people competing for it….”

I let the war stories go in one ear and out the other, and thought:

So it’s basically a tournament seed?

So Moyong Bi’s runner-up finish at the last tournament had effectively handed the Moyong Family a seed, and a seed meant skipping the tedious preliminaries outright. An enormous advantage, no two ways about it. Grind through a stack of preliminary rounds and you might come away injured, or with your stamina burned down to nothing. All of that, gone.

While everybody else was shitting blood just to scrape into the main draw, you’d already be sitting in it with your stamina intact. In a state of complete readiness.

In a word.

“That’s a total freebie!”
“What was that, brat?”
“Huh?”
“You weren’t listening to a word I said.”
“Probably not.”
“Why, you little—”

— Cla-clang!

A sparring match begun by ambush. Sword strokes went back and forth a good few times, and Moyong Bi looked thoroughly refreshed as he watched me roll around in the dirt.

“So. You’ve no interest, then?”

Face buried in the ground, I answered.

“Who knows. My big brothers and sisters look set to enter anyway.”

And there’s someone my own age burning to beat the Namgung Family and take the title, besides.

“True enough, you are too young. And you’ve barely begun learning martial arts.”

He came over and pulled me up.

“All the same, do your best. It will be good experience.”
“Yessir.”
“However outstanding your talent, as things stand it’s genuinely beyond you. No, for someone only a month into martial arts, talking about the Dragon and Phoenix Conference at all makes no sense to begin with.”
“Is it that steep?”

I took down Moyong Danho of Turning Hard (bare-handed only). And I even blocked a few saber strikes from the Smiling Ghost (odd number of arms), didn’t I?

“The Dragon and Phoenix Conference is no joke. Do you know how wide the gangho is? All the young geniuses of that vast gangho gathering to measure their skill against one another, that is the Dragon and Phoenix Conference. Even Rin and Danho are borderline. They’d do better to aim for the next chance.”

That steep?

Moyong Rin went without saying, widely rumored as the genius coming after Moyong Bi. Moyong Danho with a sword in his hand was a formidable talent in his own right, enough that I couldn’t cut carelessly into the two of them when they fought as a pair. And yet even those two were borderline for taking the title at the Conference.

That was the cool assessment of Moyong Bi, former runner-up of the Dragon and Phoenix Conference.

Moyong Bi let out a deep sigh and looked at me with rueful eyes.

“If only you’d come to us three years, no, even one year earlier… the timing is just too poor.”

As if that were my fault. I dug at my ear.

I had no great appetite for the Dragon and Phoenix Conference to begin with. What good does it do a waiter to win a tournament for murim warriors. I do want to get stronger, but the reason isn’t so I can win a tournament and swagger about it. He said it would be good experience. That much is enough for me.

The Demonic Cult is quiet for now, but there’s no telling when it will come looking for me again. And the Imperial Army leaves a bad taste too.

I ought to be looking for the next ruins soon….

I remember Ishtar’s words about completing the constellations. That must surely mean the ruins scattered across the gangho.

“Ah, now that I think of it, there’s talk of holding exchange matches.”
“Exchange matches?”
“That’s right. The rising generation of other sects and families gathering to measure their skill and firm up their friendship, that sort of thing. I imagine the format will be winner-stays-on….”


The Northern Heaven Society.

At the appointed place, the representatives of three orthodox powers gathered. Paeng Hak-beom, head of the Hebei Paeng Family and the one they call the Tiger of Hebei, greeted the Moyong Family’s head, Moyong Jin-seong.

“It has been a long while. We have been out of touch, have we not?”
“Indeed. You’ve looked busy playing the Paper Tiger of Hebei.”
“Better than you, sitting in the bottom seat of the Five Great Families.”
“Is that why you lost to us at the last Dragon and Phoenix Conference?”
“What was that?”

The two of them were snarling at each other the moment they met, and there was one man present to check them.

“Enough, the both of you. This is a gathering for the children, is it not?”

Both family heads turned to look at the one who had spoken. He had clear, upright eyes and a benevolent smile, and the look of a mysterious Daoist from above the clouds. By anyone’s reckoning nothing about him suggested a fighter, and yet nobody there doubted he was a formidable talent.

The two family heads’ eyes went to his chin. A handsome white beard, plainly well tended, came down as far as his solar plexus. In a fight it was a grave weakness: take hold of it and start swinging, and he would never break free. He could hardly be unaware of that. And yet he wore it that long, as though for all the world to see, which gave some measure of his confidence and his ferocity.

The Paeng family head eyed the old man with displeasure. A faint scent of plum blossom drifted off him.1

“And what brings the Mount Hua Sect of Shaanxi all the way out here?”

Seomun Jeong, sect leader of the Mount Hua Sect, gave an easy laugh and answered with brazen nonchalance.

“Shaanxi is north, is it not.”
“If Shaanxi is north, then a third of the gangho’s sects are north.”

Paeng Hak-beom finished jeering and turned to Moyong Jin-seong.

“Moyong family head. Did you send word to the Mount Hua Sect as well?”
“Of course not. The Northern Heaven Society is, properly speaking, the Moyong Family at its center with the nearby Paeng Family and the Beggars’ Sect banded around it.”
“What nonsense is this? It’s banded around our Hebei Paeng Family at the center. We’re the ones in the middle.”
“Is that what matters right now?”
“Of course it matters. Trying to slip past it on the sly, are you?”
“Let’s talk about that a little later.”
“Look at him skipping over it because it doesn’t suit him.”
“Ah, I said we’d talk about it later.”
“It is baffling, mind. The beggar we asked for doesn’t show, and some Daoist turns up instead?”
“How did you come to hear of it? We never called for you.”

Seomun Jeong, that easy laugh still on his face, set a sheet of paper down on the table.

“What’s that?”
“A letter sent by the Chief of the Beggars’ Sect. Do read it.”

The letter said little. The Beggars’ Sect was tied up at present keeping watch on the Jinzhou Eon Family of Shanxi, so it would suit everyone best if Mount Hua stood in for them at the Northern Heaven Society.

Paeng Hak-beom’s brow furrowed.

“The Jinzhou Eon Family of Shanxi? Why those cranks who study monsters?”
“Perhaps we should have called the Jinzhou Eon Family instead.”
“Is that supposed to be a serious remark?”
“Why not. They’re close by. They suit the name Northern Heaven Society better than the Mount Hua Sect does.”
“They’re not of our standing. Our standing. Upstarts with no pedigree at all.”
“Let us stop there.”

Moyong Jin-seong brought the room to order.

“You will all know why I convened the Northern Heaven Society.”

Paeng Hak-beom nodded.

“The Dragon and Phoenix Conference is upon us.”
“Just so. Before it, if our children held bouts among themselves, even simple ones, it should be good experience all round. And while we’re at it, let them pull together with a heave-ho and build up some team spirit. What do you say?”
“I am in agreement. Martial learning as deep and lofty as the Moyong Family’s is not easily come by. It will be a fine opportunity.”
“We too are glad of the chance to see the Hebei Paeng Family’s domineering saber arts for ourselves.”
“If a champion is to come out of the Dragon and Phoenix Conference, it is only right that they come out of our Northern Heaven Society.”
“Just so, just so. We’re better than those wicked southern bastards. They’ve had their run far too long.”
“And chief among them, the Namgung lot.”
“Now here’s someone I can talk to.”
“Need it even be said?”
“Ho ho ho.”
“Ha ha ha.”

Regional prejudice warmed the room in no time. Seomun Jeong had been watching quietly all the while as the two family heads went from snarling to purring and licking each other, and now one corner of his mouth curled.

“Heh. The Five Great Families are a thing of the past, it seems.”
“…?”
“What growth is there to be had from bouts fought with blunted swords? Will enlightenment come out of lukewarm combat that isn’t even a duel to the death? It is hardly a dance with the steps agreed beforehand. Ho ho.”

The venom came out of a smiling face, so the reaction landed a beat late.

“Have you quite finished?”
“Did I say anything false? Enlightenment, properly speaking, comes at the crisis where one crosses back and forth over the line between life and death.”
“So you’d have the children fight duels to the death among themselves? Are you mad?”

The sect leader’s eyes gleamed.

“I have a clever idea.”
“Which is?”
“The Daoist’s tongue is as gorgeous as plum blossoms scattering on the wind. Be on your guard.”
“Let’s hear him out, at least.”

Seomun Jeong looked each family head in the eye and spoke.

“A monster hunt.”
“What?”
“What was that?”
“Hear me out. I don’t mean hunting alone. Each house forms a team and hunts as one. There are only three of us to begin with, which makes exchange matches awkward. What we need is a contest everyone can take part in together.”
“…That’s true enough.”
“And you spoke of fostering team spirit, did you not? There is no activity that raises team spirit like a hunt. Strength, tracking, dividing the roles, command, tactics and strategy, and so on. It calls for a whole range of abilities. Everyone moves together like the limbs of one body to carry out a single vast task called the hunt.”
“Mm.”
“A hunt is exceedingly hard, but the sense of achievement when it succeeds is beyond words. The children are sure to love it. Take a mere boar. You must find its traces, work out its movements and track it… there are a dozen things to weigh. And if that is so for the simple hunting of a boar, what of a monster?”
“….”
“Each side hunts a monster and brings it back, and we compete over who took the most impressive quarry. And as it happens I hear there’s a ruin site nearby. What do you say?”

The two family heads sank into thought.

“Hnngh… it’s a good idea, but.”
“Even so, monsters are a bit….”

Seomun Jeong clicked his tongue.

“What a great deal of worrying. Cosset them like that and how are the children ever to fight their way through hardship? Out there the world crawls with things far worse than monsters.”
“….”

He let out a small sigh.

“Then let us do it this way. Each of us picks a warrior we can trust and sends them along with the children. That should be safe enough.”
“And if they secretly help with the hunt?”
“Send them not with their own house’s children but with another house’s. And impress upon them that they intervene only at a truly dangerous moment.”

Both family heads clapped their hands.

“Why, that’s—!”
“A clever idea indeed!”

Seomun Jeong spoke as though bestowing a great favor.

“Our Mount Hua Sect will put up a Purple Empyrean Pill as the prize for the winner.”
“A Purple Empyrean Pill…?!”

The Purple Empyrean Pill was an elixir of the very highest order, years in the making. It held the essence of Mount Hua itself, precious enough that it went only to the designated heir to the sect leadership. And here he was putting one up, just like that, as the prize for winning a tournament?

“Show them this much good faith and the children will find some savor in staking their lives to hunt a monster, will they not? I find myself looking forward already to how fiercely the Hebei Paeng Family’s sabers and the Moyong Family’s swords will move to win a Purple Empyrean Pill.”
“Hmmm.”
“I shall have to speak with the elders….”

When the pair still hemmed and hawed at that, Sect Leader Seomun put on a sober face and rose from his seat.

“If you feel so strongly, let us consider it never said.”
“W-wait.”
“The Mount Hua Sect withdraws. The two of you may have your fill of dull and tedious exchange matches.”

Paeng Hak-beom spoke up in a hurry.

“Our Paeng Family will take part!”
“What? Truly?”

Moyong Jin-seong turned to the Paeng family head, startled.

“If the Moyong Family takes part.”
“Why, this Paeng bastard—”

Paeng Hak-beom looked Moyong Jin-seong straight in the eye.

“Moyong family head. Chickening out?”
“Wh-what was that?”
“Our Paeng Family fears no monster.”
“And do you suppose our Moyong Family fears them? Three children, not one of them twenty years old, once brought a monster back alive!”
“Moyong family head, the jest goes too far.”
“Very well. I shall show you whether it is a jest!”

Seomun Jeong sat back down and smiled faintly.

“Then I shall take it that all will take part. Let us discuss the dates.”

Jeo-ha. The stage is set. Go on and run wild to your heart’s content.

The pill was going to him anyway. And better to hand it over on a larger stage, was it not?

The day your name is known throughout the world is not far off.

Seomun Jeong was certain of it. Soon the rumor would run wide through the gangho: a dragon lay sleeping on Mount Hua.


“Jeo-ha! Ju Jeo-ha!”
“Where’s he gone off to this time.”
“The moment it’s training time he runs off.”
“Keep that up and the instructor will have your hide!”

The Mount Hua Sect’s disciples scattered and went looking for someone. High above them, on a dizzying clifftop that looked down plainly over the whole scene,

A boy lay sprawled at his ease in a plum tree growing out of the cliff. Anyone would have called it a perilous perch, but it did not seem to trouble him in the least; his slack face was full of sleep.

“…Boring.”

The children moving far below looked for all the world like ants. Presently his gaze turned upward.

The wind came up and the plum blossoms scattered red, and the sky reflected in the boy’s eyes was nothing but blue.


The day of the exchange meet came around. The rising generation of two great orthodox families and one sect gathered in one place.

“….”
“….”
“….”

A subtle war of nerves ran between them, and with the Dragon and Phoenix Conference so near it was all the fiercer.

Moyong Rin fixed them with a fierce glare and whispered to Moyong Gwang-seon.

“Don’t you dare look away.”
“….”
“Lose the battle of momentum and… what, where did he go?”

She looked around her, and Gwang-seon’s voice came from some way off.

“Hi there. I brought some griddle cakes I made to snack on, want some?”
“Hey!!”

  1. In wuxia the plum blossom is the Mount Hua Sect's emblem and the figure its sword arts are built on, so the scent alone names a stranger's school. ↩️

#27 Chapter 27

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