Chapter 47: True Words Are Hard To Believe

“What exactly are you trying to do?” Shen Yu faced Fang Rui, her tone cold with a trace of helplessness.

From the moment he first appeared before her, it was as if he had grasped all of her vital points. After holding them hostage, though he obviously had the chance to put her to death, he did the exact opposite. Only that first time had he threatened her, saying that if she resisted he would expose that she was a woman. That threat was said only that one time. At other times he almost always hid her identity for her.

Like when Lei Shengda burst into her bedchamber before, and the incident with the Poison Scorpion Lady at the Court of Judicial Review… Weren’t each of those instances him helping to conceal her identity? His actions in so many ways were baffling.

“What I’m trying to do…?” Fang Rui paused slightly, walked over to stand in front of Shen Yu, then suddenly reached out both hands and pinned Shen Yu between them, palms pressed on the table.

Probably because Fang Rui’s earlier outrageous act had shocked her and she knew he wouldn’t dare go further, she did not scold him this time.

Fang Rui narrowed his eyes slightly, his tone and expression unusually earnest, “Ah Yu.” The way Fang Rui said “Ah Yu” sounded awkward.

“Do you think I’m just bored? That I would go to such lengths to seek you out, and every time you have trouble I come out to help you… Do you really think I’m someone who looks for trouble for no reason?”

Every time he left the palace, what was it for if not for Shen Yu?

Shen Yu’s eyes flickered and her expression was composed. Perhaps Fang Rui had said so many similar things that she no longer took them seriously.

Not trusting Fang Rui, Shen Yu asked again, “What are you really after?”

Fang Rui sighed inwardly. Was he really so untrustworthy?

He helplessly shook his head, withdrew his hands, and sat back down in his original place.

“Fine then, even when I tell you the truth, you don’t believe me, and if I lie I’d have to keep it up, so I won’t say anything at all.” Fang Rui said this with some bitterness. He hadn’t imagined that after striving for more than a month, Shen Yu would still defend herself against him like against a thief and refuse to believe anything he said.

Hearing this, Shen Yu slightly furrowed her brows.

She stood, patted her clothes, and with a strong intention to drive him off said, “It’s late, I’m going to bed. Take your cat and leave.” With that said, Shen Yu went to the window, opened it, and looked at Fang Rui.

Fang Rui was a little dumbfounded. He had been here for less than 15 minutes, and she was already driving him away?

Seeing Fang Rui make no move to leave, Shen Yu walked over and without thinking grabbed his arm to drag him away.

But Shen Yu was not strong. If Fang Rui chose not to cooperate she certainly couldn’t pull him. Fang Rui didn’t want to make things hard for her, so he stood up, but not because Shen Yu had pulled at him.

His gaze glanced at the fire-avoidance chart he’d thrown on the bed and he said, “I brought a copy too. Shall I leave it for you?”

When Shen Yu heard those three words, she froze. Her eyes moved slowly, and when she glimpsed the booklet she immediately drew her gaze back as if she’d seen something she shouldn’t.

“Ta-take that thing away.” There was little that could frighten Shen Yu. Even being discovered as a woman by Fang Rui and the Poison Scorpion Lady didn’t throw her off, but encountering this kind of thing that one spoke of in hushed tones actually unsettled her.

Fang Rui let out a soft, deep laugh. “If you don’t have the courage, then don’t do things that make you afraid.” Saying that, he walked to the bed, picked up the open booklet, closed it, and tucked it into his bosom.

Fine, it was another addition to his collection. This copy had come from Shen Yu and was naturally much more valuable than his previous volumes.

He turned to Shen Yu and said, “Then I’ll be taking it with me.”

Shen Yu averted her embarrassed gaze and, eagerly said, “Hurry up and go.”

The only person who could truly destroy all traces of her was probably Jia Ming alone.

…

Autumn had fully arrived, the weather growing steadily colder. Shen Yu knew her mother’s health was poor. Whenever it turned cold she tended to cough, so Shen Yu had had many folk remedies sought out, none of which proved effective.

Shen Yu helped her mother out of the house. Mrs. Shen stopped on the stone steps, looked at the courtyard of withered yellow scenes and suddenly sighed.

Seeing her mother’s constant worry, Shen Yu said, “Mother, please ease your mind. I’ll take care of my affairs myself.”

Mrs. Shen drew her gaze from the courtyard back to Shen Yu’s face, then raised her hand and told the maids and servants behind her, “You may go downstairs first.”

The maids and servants withdrew, leaving just the mother and daughter in the yard.

Seeing her daughter grown so lovely but dressed in men’s clothes, how could she, as a mother, be happy?

Mrs. Shen had been pretty in her youth. Even at her current age traces of that remained, and Shen Yu’s features resembled her mother’s somewhat. At a glance one could tell she was Shen Yu’s mother.

Her mother took Shen Yu’s hands, voice full of maternal pain, “Yu’er, it’s been hard on you these twenty years.”

Shen Yu shook her head, a smile at the corner of her mouth. “Mother, I am not suffering.”

“Sigh,” Mrs. Shen sighed again.

“If it weren’t that your mother had no standing in the this household, you wouldn’t have had to endure this.”

Mrs. Shen came from a lowly birth and had long been looked down upon by the matriarch. Since the matriarch lost her son, her moods were unpredictable and she vented her bad temper on Mrs. Shen. Though Mrs. Shen was the lawful wife of Shen Yu’s father, she still had to give in to her mother-in-law and was often tormented. Copying sutras and kneeling at ancestral shrines were everyday occurrences, and Shen Yu had watched her mother be mistreated all along.

She had spoken up for her mother before, but each plea only made the matriarch more extreme, so at last Shen Yu stopped pleading. Only by becoming strong herself could she protect her mother.

This thought was also what supported Shen Yu’s resolve to take the imperial examinations.

After passing the examinations, her mother was granted the title of Mother of the Top Scholar and the matriarch restrained herself considerably.

“I heard the matriarch muttering that the old master seems to have found you a girl from a lower class, intended to be a concubine. Is that true?”

Shen Yu knew her mother referred to Hengniang, and nodded with an “hm.”

Aside from Mrs. Shen, the old master, and the now-deceased midwife, no one knew Shen Yu was a woman, not even the matriarch. If the old master hadn’t intervened, the matriarch would long ago have arranged for Shen Yu to marry into a suitable family.

With Shen Yu’s confirmation, the worry between Mrs. Shen’s brows did not abate.

“Your grandfather… his brain really doesn’t work anymore.” Mrs. Shen seldom spoke ill of elders in private, but this time she really thought the old master’s actions excessive.

She gripped Shen Yu’s hand harder. Mrs. Shen earnestly said to Shen Yu, “Yu’er, don’t force yourself to suffer for the sake of the bigger picture, and don’t ruin that girl’s life. If it really comes to it, resign your post and the two of us will retire to the countryside and leave the capital and this household behind.”

It wasn’t that Shen Yu had not considered her mother’s words before, but the old master was so extreme and her grandfather was already fragile. If her insistence on resigning triggered his illness, that would be unfilial of her.

A child must know gratitude and repay kindness. As a grandchild, she should not be too heartless.

“Mother, I’ll handle it myself. For other matters I’ll go along with the old master when I can, but I will not compromise on taking a concubine.”

In Fang Rui’s previous life and memories, Shen Yu had compromised twice, but because of the things Fang Rui said in this life, Shen Yu began to prepare rigidly against this matter, just as Fang Rui and her mother had warned.

A woman marrying a woman was fundamentally against social norms and would ruin a young woman’s life. What cruelty would it be to take such a step as cover for herself!

The main thing was the old master’s ultimate intent: to have her have intercourse with a man she didn’t know or care for. She couldn’t bear to imagine it. In any case, she would never agree.

Shen Yu had only been walking with her mother a short while when a servant, came to report in a panicked voice, “Young master, a major incident has occurred at court!”