Chapter 19

“Identify yourself.”

Felix asked, expressionless. I folded my arms and scrutinized him carefully. As the silence stretched, he couldn’t stand it and spoke first.

“What are you looking at?”

“I’m looking at you. Felix. That’s you, you.”

I uncrossed my arms and walked slowly along the corner of the room, lifting my feet as if dancing lightly. Felix kept his distance to match my speed, never once moving his sword’s tip from me.

“Is there really any point in me introducing myself to you, now that you’ve developed such a deep distrust of people? If you’re not going to believe me anyway, wouldn’t it be better for both of us to save our energy and not say anything? What do you think?”

“Where is Iel? What have you done to her?”

“My, you really are wasting energy. You’re someone I haven’t seen in a very long time, but unfortunately, I don’t think we’ll have a civilized conversation. You’re too barbaric.”

“Before pointing out my attitude, why don’t you look at yourself first? You attacked me as soon as we made eye contact.”

“Did I? Ah—that’s right. As soon as I saw you, a surge of resentment welled up from deep inside, and I couldn’t help it.”

“…”

“But it can’t be helped. Anyone would turn violent if a tower they’d carefully built was collapsed by another’s hands, wouldn’t they?”

“What on earth are you talking about?”

“Exactly what I said. It means I had to build the tower from the very beginning because of you. Thanks to that, this version is a bit more stable, but considering how it started, I can’t exactly say I’m grateful. Honestly, I still feel like killing you lightly just once.”

These were my emotions, yet they were not entirely mine. Even after about three years of assimilation, it wasn’t easy to suppress the clone’s murderous intent.

Still, the memory of my head being separated from my body by their sword was intense. It wasn’t so much the decapitation itself that angered me, but the fact that I had been interrupted by an outsider at such a crucial moment.

Because of that, I had been forced to choose assimilation rather than holding clear, dominant control. Since it was a method where an external soul resides in the soul of the main body, the ego of the main body holds the initiative during assimilation.

Of course, it’s an undeniable fact that assimilation is more stable, but it takes time. A tool meant to be used and discarded wasn’t worth that much effort. So, I couldn’t help but feel resentment toward the source of my troubles who made me waste three years.

At the same time, I recognized that this anger clearly belonged to the fragment of the soul that had resided within. But since assimilation meant this was also me, there were times I’d be swayed by it when my emotions were set aflame. Still, since ignited emotions aren’t eternal, they would likely subside again before long. Even if there were impulses, in the end, true feelings follow the central soul.

They were already quite subdued even now.

“Where is Iel?”

“You asked that earlier, didn’t you? I could give you the same answer, but I’ll let it slide. Listen closely, okay? I’m not going to explain myself to you. Whether I explain it to you or not, the fact that I am who I am doesn’t waver.”

“…”

“So I won’t struggle to prove myself to you. I am already perfect as I am. If someone like me looks different from the her in your memory, it’s only because you are an ignorant human who can only see what is visible.”

If Felix couldn’t realize that, we would have no choice but to watch each other from parallel lines forever.

He eventually sheathed his sword after a long moment, but he didn’t seem to open his heart readily. His expression remained sullen, filled with suspicion and distrust.

I left the room, leaving him behind. He followed me immediately.

“Where are you going?”

“That room is broken, so I should rest in a new one. There are plenty of rooms, so you can pick anywhere to rest, too.”

“What about the others?”

“Who knows? From some point on, they started disappearing one by one. Didn’t they leave?”

“There is a barrier around the territory, so ordinary people can’t escape.”

“Really? Then maybe they died and left?”

“Have you never even been to the boundary all this time?”

“Yeah. I had no reason to go.”

He looked out at the snowy scenery through the window and said,

“The view is obscured by the snow here, so I can’t see the barrier.”

And then, he accepted that it was understandable.

“Do you have no intention of going outside?”

“For now? I’ll go out someday.”

“When?”

“When the time comes?”

“When is that?”

“Why do you ask?”

“I came here to take Iel outside.”

“Is that so?”

Knowing that the Iel he spoke of and the Iel I perceived were different, I didn’t bother trying to make him understand that it was me. It would be difficult enough for Felix as it was.

I shrugged and walked away. Felix stood still, his gaze fixed on the floor. It seemed he couldn’t decide on his attitude toward me.

It wasn’t that I didn’t feel sorry for him, but my very existence didn’t seem like it would be of much help to him right now. He looked like he needed time to sort out his thoughts.

About three days after leaving Felix alone, I spent time pretending to be a still-life painting in the corner of the room, as I always did when I was alone. Then, suddenly, the door opened and Felix showed his face. There was snow on his clothes, as if he’d been wandering outside.

“What on earth do you eat to stay alive in here?”

“I don’t eat?”

At my immediate reply, Felix sighed deeply and pressed his hand to his forehead. I could feel a hint of anger.

“Does this mean I, too, have to die like the others to escape this place?”

“Are you hungry?”

“Yeah. I can endure it for now, but I won’t be able to last long.”

“Then why don’t you go outside?”

“…”

“You can’t get out?”

“Yeah.”

He had come to take Iel away, yet it seemed he had exhausted all his strength just getting in. Felix, who hadn’t managed to prepare a way out, looked extremely embarrassed. I grinned broadly and said,

“You’re a fool!”

He groaned, burying his face in his hands.

It was fun to see him so troubled, but I thought that dragging it out longer wouldn’t be good for either of us.

“Do you want me to let you out?”

Felix lifted his head and stared at me blankly. I asked one more time.

“Should I let you out?”

He asked with eyes tinged with a slight disbelief.

“Is it possible?”

“Probably.”

“…You’re bluffing, right?”

“Who knows? I think it’s possible. Still, if you don’t trust me, shall we go to the boundary together?”

After a long while, we stood before the barrier. I watched it quietly for a moment, then lightly raised one hand. Then, I extended my other hand toward Felix.

“Here.”

He only stared at my hand blankly. I urged him.

“Take it.”

Only then did Felix carefully take my hand.

“Just walk out like this.”

“…Really?”

“Yeah.”

“Don’t lie.”

What does he take me for? He was suspicious, as if he were a person expecting me to slam into the barrier and break my nose. He didn’t seem to be like that with me in the past, but he was truly full of suspicion toward the current me.

“Then you can just walk out slowly. So you don’t break your nose.”

Only then did Felix set foot beyond the barrier. His foot slipped right through, and he stepped onto the ground outside. Only then did he look at me with wide, round eyes.

“See?”

If you understand, then leave already. I gestured for him to hurry up and leave. Felix asked.

“What about you?”

“I don’t have to leave. I’m not uncomfortable here.”

It’s a little boring, but it’s fine.

Felix applied a little pressure to our joined hands.

“I came here to take Iel…”

“Felix.”

I cut him off and asked.

“Is that really me?”

Felix’s mouth clamped shut.

Felix couldn’t acknowledge me as Iel, yet he couldn’t leave alone while leaving me, who possessed Iel’s appearance, behind. In the end, he chose not to leave and stayed by my side, starving.

“You’re truly a fool.”

“Shut up.”

“Fool.”

“…”

Felix seemed to have a belated realization of reality as he hung his head in a corner, rubbing his face with his hands. He looked so truly pitiful that I couldn’t help but move.

“I’d rather die than suffer like this.”

It can’t be helped. If I don’t do something, Felix will starve to death. From now on, I decided to take on the responsibility of a breadwinner and keep Felix fed.

As I rose from my seat, he looked at me curiously and asked.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m going to get some food.”

“Where?”

“Can’t I dig it up if I dig through the snow well enough?”