What I Can Do For The One I Love (10)

My throat tightened, dry as bone. Even my saliva had dried up from thirst. The urge to quench it brought pain.

“What’s wrong with you?”

“Don’t come near. You can’t. Get away. Run.”

Don’t come close, or I’ll end up killing you. I’ll steal your life.

What I feared most during these fits was losing control. I scooted back on my butt, putting as much distance between us as possible.

“Gasp… Hah…”

I couldn’t breathe. It felt like fire in my belly. It hurt. My instincts screamed… eat, take, satisfy this thirst.

My instincts pushed me. When I looked up, I saw the boy worrying about me. I could see his blood flowing beneath his soft neck skin. Looks delicious. I licked my lips. Maybe just once would be okay? Just one taste, just a touch… it wouldn’t kill him, right?

Strangely, I thought his blood would taste amazing. I’d never tasted it, but the scent was sweeter than ever. Thump, thump. I could hear his heartbeat right in my ear. His shaky breaths, the faint twitch of muscles… my senses took it all in vividly.

His presence felt overwhelmingly real and pleasant. Like someone staring at the best feast of their life.

Then, when I looked up a bit more, the boy wore an odd expression. It was like a bucket of cold water over my head. What was I just thinking? Was I really about to…

I covered my face and curled up. I was ashamed. I’d promised to help him, but nearly devoured him in an instant. It was just a moment, but I really wavered. He looked so delicious. The most humiliating thing was, even now, I still wanted to sink my teeth into his neck.

“…You…”

I started to speak, but the boy suddenly backed away. The sound of small footsteps disappeared under the bed. Then the door opened and someone came in.

A neat stride approached my back without hesitation. Suddenly my body was flipped over. Through my fevered, blurry vision, I saw a face that looked like mine. Something dripped from my panting lips. I tasted it on my tongue. I licked it, and then I cried.

My instincts welcomed the blood, but what little reason I had left recoiled. The more sense I regained, the more revolted I felt. Sensing my struggle, he gripped my jaw so I couldn’t spit out the blood.

“Ugh… unh…”

Jayden ignored my whimpers and waited for me to finish drinking all the blood. Only after draining the cat’s blood did my seizure subside a little. Then, despair crashed down.

Jayden spoke as I caught my breath.

“I told you not to forget to eat.”

“I did…”

“Not that… this meal, too. You need to feed on time, Razella.”

It sounded like a caring brother’s words, but to me, it was a warning. If I couldn’t control myself, I’d better feed myself and not make trouble.

After consuming life, I felt my body quickly settle. The change was disgusting. But even that wasn’t enough. I was too grown now for a small animal’s life to sustain me.

“That only takes the edge off. If you don’t feed properly, you’ll have another fit soon. You should’ve just eaten the man who tried to kill you. At least you wouldn’t be like this. Wasn’t he the gardener here?”

“Shut up, Jayden.”

“…”

Don’t say it out loud. Don’t let him know what kind of monster I am. It’s not just you and me here… there’s someone else under that bed, someone you don’t know.

How was the boy seeing me now?

“Monster!”

That word, the boy had screamed since our first meeting, echoed in my ears. He must’ve seen it. Seen me steal the life of another creature. I couldn’t bring myself to check under the bed. I was scared. Afraid those blue eyes would be staring at me, with a look I knew all too well.

I cried quietly. Jayden just watched me in silence. After he left, silence lingered in the room until night fell.

That night, Father went out. Jacob went with him, and Jayden and I stayed behind. I made an excuse about being tired, and for once, Jayden didn’t want to go out. Father didn’t push it, just told us to stay at the mansion.

Soon, the mansion was empty and all the servants asleep. Security had relaxed, and it was the perfect chance.

I took the boy out from under the bed and, checking the area, slipped out of the room.

No one saw us as we left the mansion. I tried to take him out through the shortcut behind the house. As he followed, he asked,

“Where are you taking me?”

“I’m letting you go home.”

His footsteps stopped behind me. I stopped too, turning to look at him. He stared at me, then said,

“I’ve been wondering since before.”

“…”

“You know, don’t you? Where my father is?”

I should’ve denied it right away, but I hesitated.

The boy, quick on the uptake, saw through my lie. His face turned cold… the same look he had when we first met.

“Is it true? Did you really know from the beginning?”

“That’s…”

“You said you’d hide me, but you never meant to actually help me, did you?”

This wasn’t the time to argue. We didn’t have time for this. I bit my lip nervously. I thought he’d give up if enough time passed, but he still clung to hope. I understood, but it was something he could never achieve.

“Don’t go!”

I grabbed him as he turned to leave. He glared at me.

“Let go.”

“What could you even do if you went? Nothing.”

“I said let go.”

“Don’t go. You’ll get caught.”

“None of your business. I never trusted you anyway.”

“If you go, you’ll die too!”

He froze as he tried to shake me off. His face went blank.

“My father… is he dead?”

Ah.

“No, I misspoke.”

“Don’t lie! Tell me the truth! What happened to my father!”

He grabbed my shoulders tightly. His face came close as he asked,

“He’s alive, right? You’re lying, aren’t you?”

I hesitated again, and his face twisted as if about to cry. He must have pictured his father tortured by monsters.

I wondered how to tell him. Was there any way to let him know his father was dead without hurting him?

No, there was no such way. No matter how well you spoke, no one could break the news of a loved one’s death without sadness. I’d never lost family myself, but I knew what the boy must be feeling wasn’t nothing.

I hesitated, then just pulled him into a hug. He flailed in surprise, but I hugged him tighter and whispered,

“Just stay still…”

Footsteps approached.

“Razella?”

At the sound, the boy stopped struggling.

I held the boy tightly in my arms and slowly lifted my wide eyes. Father, who had gone out, was suddenly standing before me. Jayden was behind him. Jacob was nowhere in sight. The servants were gone, too.

Why was Father here? Didn’t he go out? Had he finished his business already, or changed his mind halfway? I was confused, but there was no time to process it.

I stared at him,

“What are you doing here at this hour?”

“I couldn’t sleep, so I went out for some air.”

“Air? Out here?”

“Yes, I just ended up here… I’m sorry.”

Was I even speaking right? My heart pounded so fast. I couldn’t tell if it was mine or the boy’s. I tried to calm my nerves, though it was hopeless.

“Who’s that child?”

His eyes went straight to the boy in my arms.

“Never seen him before. He’s not from outside, is he?”

“No, Father! He’s just, um… a servant who attends to me.”

I hugged him even tighter. I was terrified that if I loosened my grip, Father would snatch him up and see his face.

“Were there any new child servants recently…?”

His eyes narrowed, slitted like a snake’s. The way he looked at prey. My back was soaked in sweat, but I forced myself to keep a calm face.

“Yes, there was. I picked him out. You probably don’t remember.”

To “attend” meant not only serving, but also being food if needed. Our food was selected to suit our age, and sometimes we picked it ourselves. It wasn’t unusual.

“I want to see his face.”

My heart dropped.

Even my palms were slick with sweat. My lips parted, but I couldn’t speak. Tremors ran through my whole body.

Was it me shaking? Or was it the boy? Our hearts pounded wildly. I prayed Father wouldn’t hear.