Are You Scared

After Song Caitang and Zhao Zhi returned from the mountain and had a meal, all their things had been packed, so they got ready to leave.

They had had a farewell drink with Ye Nan the night before and told her that they would be leaving within the next couple of days and she didn’t need to send them off. Ye Nan probably hated farewells and was happy with this arrangement. After they agreed to keep in touch, she left them in the care of her butler and did not come to see them off at all.

The butler had prepared a lot of things for them as well as cleared a path for them, and he also arranged for people to send them all the way to the ship.

The servant in charge that was sent to come along with them was very chatty and energetic. He always had something to say, so the atmosphere never felt awkward.

As he spoke, the topic somehow turned to Zhuang Qingyu.

“The little bastard’s gone mad! He got his just desserts!”

“He’s gone mad?” Song Caitang glanced at Zhao Zhi and he happened to glance at her too. They both looked equally surprised by this news.

This was no secret, plus Song Caitang was the VIP guest invited to the Night Sanctum who was instrumental in cracking the case. Ye Nan didn’t mind talk about this matter, so nobody in the sect would bother keeping it a secret either.

The servant raised his chin proudly, “I don’t know what’s wrong with him either. But at the same time, he hasn’t completely lost his mind. Sometimes he’s insane, sometimes he’s alright…”

And that was how Song Caitang eventually found out that the final truth of the matter had been too big of a blow to Zhuang Qingyu, so he had seriously lost his mind. But he wasn’t crazy all the time. A doctor had been called in to diagnose his illness, and the doctor’s conclusion was that he would never get well again. He was going to spend the rest of his life switching between reality and insanity.

When he was in insane mode, he would forget who he was. Like a lunatic, he would not care about how he ate, what he wore or be bothered by the insults of others. But when he was not insane, he would behave normally again. He would speak logically, watch his words and actions and behave just like how he used to.

After listening to all this, Zhao Zhi’s lips curled into a somewhat sadistic smile. “I think this is worse for him than being thrown into prison.”

Song Caitang nodded. She agreed wholeheartedly.

Zhuang Qingyu was an independent and proud man who was clearly a man who loved cleanliness and had good taste. He didn’t care about how much his things cost, but they had to be in accordance with the aspects he was particular about, like the environment or the timing, for example.

When he was out of his mind, he didn’t take care of the way he behaved. But when he was back to normal, he would see how filthy and stinky he was. His self esteem would be so hurt when he thought about all the embarrassing things he did earlier. That would really make him suffer inside.

And on top of that, he had to face the fact that everything he had believed in all these years was a lie.

Because of what he had gone through as a child, he treated Ye Nan as the only source of warmth in his life. His feelings toward Ye Nan might not have been romantic love, but they were definitely special and she was someone whom he could not bear to lose. Yet, he had been the one who pushed her away. He had been the one who shattered this warmth he cherished so dearly.

“It wouldn’t have been so bad if he had just completely lost his mind. The more time he spends being in touch with reality, the harder it will be for him to live.”

“Gosh, you don’t say,” the servant looked around, then went on, “The guard on duty last night said he heard him wail and cry in the middle of the night… it was so creepy… seriously, if he hadn’t done all those bad things, he wouldn’t end up like this today…”

As they continued making their way to the port, they were also able to see how lively the area was.

It seemed like the whole place had come alive again after Liao Xingjian’s case was cracked. The place was bustling and even the servants seemed to walk with joy in their steps and worked with great motivation.

The previous head of the hall masters, Xin Yongwang, was dead, so a new person had taken over. The new guy was very tall and very dark skinned, but he had the confidence and decisiveness one would expect from a martial artist.

A large shipment of medicinal herbs just entered the mountain. The line of carriages was long.

The servant happily waved to the carriages and said, “Those are Mr. Hua’s carriages! Our Young Mistress knows that this godbrother of hers is a good man – he’s so polite and has such a good temperament, everyone likes him!”

Hua Rong noticed Song Caitang from afar and smiled brightly at her as he waved.

Song Caitang smiled and waved back too.

When they finally came close to the end of the road and the port was almost in sight, Song Caitang spotted Xi Rui.

It had only been a few days, but this woman looked completely different and she nearly didn’t recognize her.

She was pouring feed into trays for animals to eat from. Her waist was still slim and her face was still pretty, but her clothing was too big and ill suited to her figure, so all her curves were well hidden. Her fingers were dirty and her face looked like she hadn’t washed it properly. Her hair was so oily, the strands were plastered to her face…

No matter how pretty you were, you wouldn’t look great in such circumstances.

Xi Rui was making an honest living, but she honestly wished a man could look after her instead.

She threw flirtatious looks at every man who walked past her and hoped that they would help her. It would be best if she could get one of them to fall for her. All she asked for was to be able to leave this filthy life of a servant. She didn’t care even if he was ugly!

But unfortunately for her, all the men who walked by avoided her gaze, afraid of getting into trouble. Any man who even dared to glance at her would immediately get yelled at by their wives. These men didn’t want to get into trouble with their wives.

Besides, the Night Sanctum was a powerful sect.

If Xi Rui continued to be so unrepentant and refused to become independent, preferring to find a man to rely on for everything, then things would never improve for her.

But like the saying goes, it’s easier to move the mountains than to change one’s personality. This was the way she had lived for the past ten to twenty years of her life. It wouldn’t be easy for her to change overnight.

Xi Rui… was probably going to suffer for many years to come.

But Song Caitang merely walked past and did not attempt to interfere.

This had nothing to do with her.
All she cared about now was her journey ahead.

The Night Sanctum was built at the foot of a mountain. The mountain roads were too hard to travel on, but there were plenty of rivers that led to many different directions. Using the waterways was definitely the best way to travel.

But travelling on the water…

Song Caitang looked at Zhao Zhi, “Will you be alright?”

This man feared water, after all.

Zhao Zhi nodded without hesitation and responded resolutely, “Of course.”

Song Caitang raised an eyebrow. She felt it was better if he didn’t push himself. Even if it was just a psychological fear, it was still real to him. If he was suddenly paralyzed with fear, that would be terrible.

But Zhao Zhi overtook her and marched onto the ship first. When he realized she was still standing there, he even turned and gave her a displeased glare. “What are you waiting for?”

His glare was distant, domineering and arrogant. Just like a typical aristocrat.

Song Caitang sighed inwardly. Fine.

She helped Guan Wan get onto the ship.

Guan Wan’s eyes were wide as she looked at her cousin, then looked at the surveillance commissioner. She could sense the tension in the air, but she felt like… it wasn’t appropriate for her to ask.

Since she couldn’t and shouldn’t ask about it, she decided to focus on something she could do instead.

She ran around to take a look at the ship’s facilities, especially the small, private kitchen, and was very pleased.

She began rubbing her palms together as she planned her menu for her cousin.

They had eaten very simply at the sect and her cousin had become even thinner than before!

After she had confirmed the ingredients available on board, she ran to the room to ask what Song Caitang wanted to eat.

Song Caitang… shook her head.

She had just eaten not too long ago and proceeded to get onto the swaying boat, so she really didn’t feel like eating anything.

Guan Wan got a little anxious, but she knew that appetite was something that one couldn’t force another person to have. If they had an appetite, they did. If they didn’t, they didn’t. But as a cook, she couldn’t possibly just give up cooking just because the other party said they weren’t hungry. The mark of a truly remarkable chef was to be able to cook something that could make someone with no appetite want to eat.

But… she had no idea how to go about doing this at all. How was she going to show off her skills?

Thankfully, she could count on the surveillance commissioner in the room. He paused to think, then said, “Get her something sweet.”

Guan Wan instantly furrowed her brows. “Something sweet?”

Wouldn’t that be worse? Song Caitang already had no appetite, so adding something cloying wouldn’t help…

“Something that’s not too sweet. Something refreshing. Don’t use glutinous rice.”

With those three conditions clearly stated, Guan Wan knew what to do.

It had to be low in sugar, have a light texture and easy to digest.

Perhaps a… lotus seed cake?

Guan Wan stopped asking more questions now that she knew what to do. She picked up her skirt and ran toward the kitchen.

By the time she returned, Song Caitang and Zhao Zhi had switched to playing chess.

Perhaps the ship was swaying too hard and Song Caitang wasn’t paying attention to the things on the table, so she accidentally knocked over the empty teacup by the side.

She hurriedly reached out to catch it…

Zhao Zhi was a highly skilled martial artist who should have been more nimble and quick to react. But it seemed as though his reaction was late because he was a little too far, so he ended up catching Song Caitang’s hand as she caught the teacup.

“Are you alright?”

His expression was serious and genuine.

Given that this was just an accident, Song Caitang couldn’t possibly get angry with Zhao Zhi and call him a pervert.

“I’m fine.”

Song Caitang’s eyes curved slightly as she smiled brightly.

Guan Wan felt like there was something… odd about this scene. It should have been a sweet and heartwarming scene, but the atmosphere felt more like a scene before a war.

She shook her head and put away all these strange thoughts in her mind, then offered the lotus seed jellies she had made.

They were transparent with white bits inside, soft yet bouncy, round and small. They were made in different sizes, one large and four smaller, and placed on the plate to resemble a cat’s paw. One could smell the osmanthus flowers used too. This snack wasn’t just adorable, but tempting as well.

For some reason, Song Caitang suddenly felt like she had an appetite again. She picked one up and put it into her mouth. The mild sweetness and the refreshing taste was exactly what she wanted.

“It’s delicious.”

In that instant, Guan Wan forgot all her thoughts about how odd the atmosphere here was and turned to stare at Zhao Zhi in amazement.

She didn’t need to say anything. It was written all over her face: Surveillance Commissioner Zhao was incredible!

He had guessed it right!

Of course, she was amazing too. After all, she was the one who made it delicious.

The afternoon went by just like that.

She busied herself with making a feast for dinner, then before she turned in for the night, she knocked on Song Caitang’s door to ask if she wanted anything to eat as a snack or supper. To her surprise, Zhao Zhi was still in her cousin’s room…

One was leaning against the window and fiddling with a sand toy, while the other was seated at the table with a book in hand. Neither was speaking, but the atmosphere wasn’t awkward at all. It seemed perfectly harmonious.

For just a short moment, Guan Wan felt that she had come in at the wrong time. She felt like she had disrupted something.

Song Caitang shook her head when she heard what Guan Wan was here for. “There’s nothing I feel like eating. You’ve been busy the whole day, so why don’t you go to bed earlier instead?”

For some reason, Guan Wan turned to look at the other man in the room.

And Zhao Zhi did not disappoint. “Do you know how to make tea biscuits?”

Guan Wan nodded vigorously. There was nothing she didn’t know how to make!

But wasn’t it a little too late to eat something bitter?

Tea biscuits often had a slightly bitter taste to them…

But after she made them and brought them over, her cousin turned out to really like them!

Guan Wan stared at Zhao Zhi in shock.

This man was so scary! He knew her cousin’s appetite so accurately!

She was a good cook, so she knew that it wasn’t difficult to find out if a person was picky, or what they liked and disliked eating. But to know exactly what another person wanted to eat regardless of the change in environment or mood… that was difficult.

Zhao Zhi was truly an excellent surveillance commissioner! He was very good at observing!

After that, whenever Guan Wan wanted to make something for Song Caitang to eat, she stopped asking Song Caitang and asked Zhao Zhi instead.

And each time, Zhao Zhi’s answers were accurate. It was as if he was living inside her stomach – he knew her better than she knew herself!

While Guan Wan was busy with honing her cooking skills, Song Caitang and Zhao Zhi sat in the room every single day.

No matter how big a ship was, its space was limited and there were only so many people one could get along with. Chatting was a good way to pass time too.

Song Caitang realized that besides the occasional “accidental” touch of the hands, she and Zhao Zhi got along very well and they enjoyed talking to one another.

She was aware that she had a lot of common topics with Zhao Zhi, so there was never a silent moment. But after this period of time, she also realized that their habits were very similar, and their outlook on certain matters were the same. They shared a similar worldview.

That was really rare.

There was just one thing.

This man’s butt seemed too heavy or something. Whenever he came to her room and sat down, he would end up sitting there for the entire day and didn’t want to leave even after the sun had set. And even if he did leave, he would come back to check on her in the middle of the night. If she had woken up, he would continue sitting and chatting with her.

And despite being together like this all day for so many days, he wasn’t sick of it at all.

Song Caitang found all of this rather interesting.

They were only two more days from the capital when a storm suddenly hit them.

It was rare for a storm to occur during late autumn, so the ship wasn’t prepared for it. It was shaking very violently from the huge waves. It nearly moved in the wrong direction once and it also almost hit some rocks.

Song Caitang’s brows were deeply furrowed. She was worried about the people on the ship, but she was also worried about Zhao Zhi.

The crew on the ship were from the Green Gang and they were used to plying water routes, so they knew how to handle such situations. But Zhao Zhi… regardless of whether he knew how to handle this sort of situation or not, the man was afraid of water.

She barely managed to open an umbrella before venturing out of her room to see how Zhao Zhi was doing.

But Zhao Zhi came hurtling toward her and carried her back to her room. He found a piece of soft cloth that was strong but not too thin and used it to tie her securely to the window.

“Don’t be afraid.”

It was very dark, but Zhao Zhi’s eyes shone brightly. “This should be a very short storm, so it’ll be over in a while. I’ve already sent someone to look after Guan Wan, so you can just stay here. I’m here, so don’t be afraid.”

Once he made sure she was safe, he hugged her tightly.

Song Caitang felt like something warm and soft had landed on her head for a while.

“Be care…”

Before she could finish her sentence, Zhao Zhi had already flown out of her cabin.

The howling of the wind and rain seemed able to swallow anything in its way, including the sound of people’s voices.

Song Caitang could see Zhao Zhi through the window. He was calmly giving instructions, helping the people on board, telling the crew where to drive the ship toward.

He moved very clearly so his body was sometimes a blur. But everywhere he went, the screams and shouts instantly turned to sighs of relief. It was as though he was able to handle the situation regardless of how severe the weather was or how dangerous the situation was.

“Raise the sail!
“Turn the corner…”
“NOW!”

Zhao Zhi thought of all means and ways to stabilize the ship’s direction and gave instructions, but the situation was urgent, so he took over the wheel instead. At the last moment before the ship hit a skerry, he managed to move the ship away.

Song Caitang felt her body lurch against her will, but thankfully she had that cloth that kept her tied to a safe spot. Otherwise, she had no idea where she would have rolled to by now, and how badly injured she would have been as a result…

She was perfectly positioned to watch the ship barely miss a huge rock.

Zhao Zhi’s clothes were all wet and they glistened in the rain, but his back was straight as he stood at the hull of the ship and looked at the sky and the waters without any fear in his eyes. His gaze was as alert as ever.

But… was he really unafraid?

Song Caitang pursed her lips.

Just like he had said, the storm was a quick one, so it left as suddenly as it came. The ship was sailing in a safe direction and the rain lightened up after a while. Things weren’t so scary anymore.

Even when the rain was at its heaviest and things were at its most dangerous, nobody got badly hurt and nobody died. Now that the rain was light, everyone on the ship was going to be fine. Just that… the boat was going to sway harder than usual.

The sudden downpour had raised the water level in the river and the current was still strong, so while the ship wasn’t as stable as before, it wouldn’t affect movement on the ship too much.

A few maids quickly ran toward Guan Wan’s room to check on her, while Zhao Zhi personally came to check on Song Caitang.

He untied her very gently, but all she noticed was his extremely pale lips.

“Are you…”

Are you alright? Weren’t you scared? Are you feeling unwell anywhere?

Zhao Zhi seemed to know what Song Caitang wanted to ask him, so he responded especially quickly, “I’m fine.”

But reality dealt him a slap in the face. Immediately after he confidently told her that he was fine, he closed his eyes and promptly fainted.